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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish FIL would knock before letting himself in?!

35 replies

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 29/01/2017 09:55

FIL is lovely, and helps us masses with childcare, including covering awkward early morning half hours - eg when I need to leave at 7am, nursery doesn't open until 7.30 and DH won't get back from a night shift until 8. I really do appreciate it. What is driving me batty though is that he keeps using his keys to just waltz in, even though I've asked him not to. He says it's so he doesn't wake DS if he's still asleep, I've said that doesn't matter, please could he knock etc etc etc. He still does it. And he often arrives really early - as in 45 minutes before I'm expecting him - so I have on occasion been in the shower/ wandering round in a towel making coffee etc. We live in a flat and the bathroom and my bedroom are right by the front door, so if I need to grab clothes from the washing machine etc I need to run the gauntlet.

He's done it again this morning - we were expecting him at 10 to sit with DS for an hour while we go and install something in the flat we're about to move to. He arrived at 9 while we were both still in bed drinking coffee (admittedly at 9 we'd usually be up but we had a late night) with DS playing on the floor and just wandered into the bedroom and started chatting. DH sees no issue - I've asked how he would feel if my mum wandered in while he was wearing a towel or in bed and he just says it wouldn't bother him. But this does bother me! I don't know how to be firmer about it though without upsetting FIL. And I do generally really like him and appreciate all he does for us.

OP posts:
Marmalade85 · 29/01/2017 10:50

I think he is doing it accidentally on purpose

MoggieMaeEverso · 29/01/2017 10:52

Yeah this is tricky but it's obvious he's not going to change his behaviour. So change your behaviour and put the chain on every single night. If your husband gets home early he will just have to knock loudly.

llangennith · 29/01/2017 10:54

When you move into the new flat do not give FIL a key. If he needs one for the time he's looking after your DC make sure he knows you'll be asking for it back at the end of the day. If he suggests he keeps it as it'll be easier (for him) say no, you don't need to have it all the time. If pushed you'll have to be blunt.
But even before you move you could tackle the issue of him coming round much earlier than requested.
Ask him not to come too early as you plan your morning and like to have a cup of coffee by yourself before you leave.

Nanny0gg · 29/01/2017 11:00

Letting himself in is bad.

Walking into your bedroom is beyond rude. And your DH should see that.

You have a DH problem...

Batteriesallgone · 29/01/2017 11:05

I do agree with Annie though.

If it's only when he's looking after DS, and slightly earlier than he's needed, then it's not that unreasonable. Look at it as you paying him for childcare in company and a chat.

Plus it is really important to spend time all together with DS so FIL can have some comfort he's looking after him in a way that is in line with your parenting IYSWIM. Even little things like knowing a toddlers nickname for teddies, or that you call a cup a cup instead of a mug or glass can help when trying to interpret a small child.

Crumbs1 · 29/01/2017 12:13

I don't think you can have it both ways and have to accept irritating behaviour alongside helpful side. I would go with chain idea.

Mulberry72 · 29/01/2017 12:20

Leave the key in the inside lock and put the chain on when you go to bed at night.

DJBaggySmalls · 29/01/2017 12:25

Put an bell on the door so it makes a noise when it opens.

ToadsforJustice · 29/01/2017 13:10

Take the key back so the ignorant twat will have to knock.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 29/01/2017 15:15

I have no issue with him coming round early - though 6am on a weekday is arguably not the best time for a cuppa ace a catchup - it's more the combination of earliness and just coming in. We do see lots of him at other times - it's not just we only want him around for childcare! But yes I will have to start using the chain I think and assume DH won't come home early. And maybe no keys for the new flat...

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