To let DS14 have friends 18+

[GloriousTeaParty]

DS (14 nearly 15) is friends with my friend's son who is just over 3 years older. They've grown up close since my DS was born and the age gap never seemed that big. A few years ago they moved away but stayed in touch. Recently they've moved back and DS and his friend (now 18) have started hanging out again. Today DS went out with this friend and came back and said that they had been with friend to the house of his friend's friend (age 19). They just had snacks and played Xbox. DS came home on time and told me all about it. I mentioned it to DH and he's gone mad saying what am I thinking and that DS will end up drinking and smoking weed and wants to ban them hanging out (friend is good and doesn't smoke weed to my knowledge). AIBU to let them see each other as long as DS behavior stays good?

Do you have teens nannyogg - most of Ds2's friends were playing 18+ games from year 7. (I was unusually strict in delaying the purchase of some of them and refusing GTA).

agree with smileeachday - why was/would it be completely fine for them to be friends aged 7&10, or 26&29, but weird at 15&18?

He could start working in a year and would then be expected to interact and get on with people of all ages from 16-65!

Also to the 'user'nn who asked why the 18y/o didn't have any friends his own age - um he obviously does, it says that in the same paragraph, it's one of the reasons OP created the bloody thread in the first place, because if her DC continues hanging out with his older friend he will (and has) also be spending time with his 18/19 y/o friends.

At my children's secondary school the forms (ie the place where they assembled each morning for general school stuff) were mixed age from yr 7 up to sixth form. And the children gained a lot from being in mixed age groups. Both of mine have always had friends both older and younger than themselves, and all have been welcome in the house.

My DS was very much into drama and theatre - so we often had people over who were quite bit older, and had them staying at our house. At 17 he had friends in their thirties, many of whom he is still friends with now. And they were all in my eyes a good influence, I've never seen age as a barrier to friendship.

As others have said this boy and your son have grown up together, in five years time the age difference will be of no significance at all. If your DH is concerned the older boy is a bad influence then he doesn't trust your son to make friends without interference - friends of his own age are just as likely to be doing any of the 'bad influence' things as this older lad.

They've been friends for years, it's not strange. They may drift apart naturally when the 18 year old moves out, works full time if moves in with a partner - say at 20/21 when your son is 17 and at college or school, but I think it's healthy to have friends of different ages. When you enter the world of work you meet all sorts of people. My 29 year old DP often has a drink or two after work with his colleagues - they range from 18 year olds to forty somethings.

Why would someone who is 18 want to hang around with someone who is 14? That's the question I would be asking.

When I was 14 I hung around with 18, 19, 20 year olds. I smoked a lot of weed, drank a lot of alcohol, and had a good bit of sex. None of which my parents had a clue about.

I wouldn't let my kids be hanging out in the houses of adults at that age, no way.

I can't see the problem. They've grown up together and always been friends so obviously they have things in common. Why does a 10+ year friendship suddenly become a problem because one is now 18 while the other isn't quite 15?

It's not like some random 18 year old has taken an interest in being friends with an almost 15 year old. In this case I'd be slightly concerned and keep a closer eye on them.

My best friend from the age of 4 was 4 years older than me. We've been friends ever since so would hang out when I was 14 to her 18. Should we have had to stop being friends for 4 year till I was 18 too? Fwiw it was the friends my own age that were experimenting with drink and weed not my older friend.

Op I'd let them be friends, it's not like there's much you could do to stop it. I would set some boundaries though like no house parties until he's older. I'd also have an open door for them to hang out at your house, that way you get to meet the other friends your ds is hanging out with.

Your dh is being a dick, they can take drugs at anytime, they might be a good influence on your ds.

Your DH is being unreasonable. There is nothing to say your DS's friend is a bad influence and having an older teen as a role model may do him the world of good.

I'm 27 and my current range of friends range from 17 to around 70. I have things in common with all of them and enjoy their company. I don't see why age is an issue?

When I was 14/15 I had friends who were 18/19/20 through close family friends I'd grown up with. When you are 4 and are friends with a 8/10 year old it's not an issue, it shouldn't become an issue as you grow up either. Yes your interests will change, but a friendship will last even if you don't have the same interests at different stages of your life if it's worth having.

He does play 18+ Xbox games it's not ideal but his friends all do too, I don't let him watch 18 films though. His friend is a good lad I do think DH is overreacting. Hopefully DS won't prove me wrong

Agree with the PPs, I don't think it's odd at all. If he got a part time job next year he would end up socialising with people of all ages. When I started working at 16 I had friends in their 20s and 30s, and now I think about it most of my friends are 5 or 6 years older than me.

Do you have teens nannyogg - most of Ds2's friends were playing 18+ games from year 7. (I was unusually strict in delaying the purchase of some of them and refusing GTA).

I did - much older now. I was strict over TV programmes and I would be strict over computer games.

He does play 18+ Xbox games it's not ideal but his friends all do too,

If it's not ideal then show him he shouldn't (he'll defy you of course, but I wouldn't be sanctioning them)

My DC had older friends (XBox). It was good for them.

I'm not going to dictate what happens in someone else's house. That would be weird.

TBH the only game I really, really don't like is GTA. He doesn't particularly like it either so it's not an issue if he plays it occasionally at a friend's house (these are same age friends).

When I was 15, I made friends with someone of 30 who I met through dog training. My mum and dad met her and liked her so had no issue with it. We're still friends now, 23 years later and it's definitely not weird!

The majority of my friends as a teen were older than me, come to think of it, but then I wasn't remotely interested in shopping, boys and hanging around the park drinking, so had little in common with my peers. I met several lifelong friends through having a dog, as we instantly had a common ground.

My ds is nearly 11, but is heavily into his guitar and seems to naturally gravitate to older, likeminded kids, so I imagine he will be the same. I think so long as you keep an eye out and make sure the friendship remains appropriate, then I don't see a problem.