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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think why can't people just be happy for some people's achievements

48 replies

MsJamieFraser · 28/01/2017 20:00

My ds represented his County today in an althletics final tournament, out of thousands of children he was in the top 10 in althletics, he got gold in all his races and field games today and overall his team (his team was made up of another 9 children from across the county, who he had never met before) they finished in the top 3.

We are now waiting to hear if he's been selected for the championships in London, as parents we are very proud, he's a very sporty kid and sport is like air to him.

After the final , he had another event to go to and everyone was asking how he got on, and how he got picked etc...

Explained the process, que some parents saying their children didn't participate etc... the parents even got their children and asked them if they participated in the school tournament for the child to say Yes they did etc...

Then the parents piping up well my child did fantastic in that tournament... what the tournament they didn't even participate in if they had been invited today they would have won it and how it wasn't fair their children wasn't allowed to attend and they would be speaking to the school on Monday.

Dh got annoyed at this point and stated it had nothing to do with the school and was the county, so if they had a issue with them not being selected then it would be the council they would have to speak to, que them saying ds must have cheated Ds heard this and then started asking how he was cheating for these parents then to say ds was being cheeky...

At this point I walked off with ds, and dh said he called them out on it.

We didn't go to this event to boast or brag, they asked how he got on! we told them and where then met with sour comments and cheating claims!!!

(ds couldn't attend his normal event because he had to attend this event today, so this was the reason why everyone knew ds was attending the county finals)

I was going to put his achievement today on Facebook (I don't live in the country I was born and I keep family and friends back home up to date with our lives on there) however feel I cannot do this now in fear of the sour comments.

Ds feels extreamly proud of his achievements today however all he's asking us now is why they think he cheated.

OP posts:

hmcAsWas · 29/01/2017 08:26

My daughter plays County football and was selected for County atletics last season. She also made ISA national finals. Some of my closest friends aren't aware of it because it's for her and close family to celebrate. This kind of thing can come across to as bragging... and often it is!

buckyou · 29/01/2017 08:28

I don't really get why people go on about folks boasting on FB etc. It's like you are not allowed to be proud of your child's or your own achievements anymore it's stupid.

I think it just boils down to jealousy. Well done your DS!

hmcAsWas · 29/01/2017 08:28

Although the responses you had - inferences of cheating etc, were very out of order

lottieandmia · 29/01/2017 08:29

I do think that it's a British thing to be jealous of the achievements of others. Apparently this sort of thing just doesn't happen in America - people genuinely celebrate the achievements of others.

Well done to your ds! Don't let the jealous people get you down.

GetAHaircutCarl · 29/01/2017 08:30

Heaven save me from the mean of spirit. The people who always want to take the shine from the happiness/achievement/excitement of others.

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Chloe84 · 29/01/2017 08:31

Magsmarsh

The OP is shocked at the parents who keep tweeting the school, not at Mumzy for being annoyed by it.

Chloe84 · 29/01/2017 08:32

And you too Batfurger

Chloe84 · 29/01/2017 08:34

I do think that it's a British thing to be jealous of the achievements of others. Apparently this sort of thing just doesn't happen in America - people genuinely celebrate the achievements of others

Jealousy happens everywhere. Even Satan was jealous of Adam

topcat2014 · 29/01/2017 08:34

I would keep school and out of school separate, to be honest.

Mind you, I was not sporty so have no concept of what 'the county' is with regard to sports. I have no idea who runs it, or how one gets there.

So - I can understand people thinking the school must have been invovled, when of course they weren't.

exLtEveDallas · 29/01/2017 08:36

A friends child has just got a 5th place in a county swimming championship. Mum has put it on FB. Every single comment is congratulating the child, lots of "wow that's amazing" and "you should be so proud"

THAT is normal response from decent people NOT what you have experienced OP.

Well done your DS, that is a brilliant achievement.

Batfurger · 29/01/2017 08:37

Why aren't those parents allowed to be proud though? Only OP? Odd.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 29/01/2017 08:37

We don't celebrate winning anywhere near enough in the school process. Some people say it is not fair on those who loose. But winning is life. Indeed winning is eveything outside school.

You go for a job interview. There is no second place. The winner gets the job everyone else stays unemployed.

MargaretCavendish · 29/01/2017 08:39

I would love to see how different these comments would be if OP's child's achievement had been academic.

Gymnopedies · 29/01/2017 08:41

They are jaleous or genuinely think they are superior to others (and their child as extension of themselves is too) so they should have won. This second type is a narcissist and feels a narcissist injury when someone else does better hence the complaining to school and unrealistic claim of cheating. There is no point arguing with them, they won't be reasonable, just avoid them.

Chloe84 · 29/01/2017 08:44

Batfurger I don't think OP thinks only she can be proud, just that weekly tweeting is a bit OTT. I think her comments was in tongue in cheek. She even winked.

MrsSchadenfreude · 29/01/2017 08:45

I think Lottie has a point. My DD is at an American school, where any success was celebrated. DD won third prize in a short story competition that had nothing to do with the school. Everyone was delighted and congratulated her, there was none of "oh well I think my DD would have won if she had entered" that you get from the Brits.

Andrewofgg · 29/01/2017 08:49

Altiara Please may I pinch turdburgers because it's a word we all need!

OP Well done to your son and sod the miseries.

Magzmarsh · 29/01/2017 09:13

Thanks for clarifying. I'm an eejit 😁. Sorry op 😬🍷

Phantommagic · 29/01/2017 09:18

They are being mean spirited OP. However I do think it is seen as more acceptable to post or talk about sporting success than academic. "Jane is top of the class and beat everyone else by 10% in the maths test. 92% her PB!" Would raise a few eyebrows I think.

MakeItRain · 29/01/2017 09:36

They are all clearly jealous of your son, who's done so well.
But really I would just smile along at the ones who think their children should also have been picked and say "look out for the county trials on such and such a date" (or however it works.) Try not to get caught up in any disputes.
The cheating comment is really strange and rude, but again I would just say it's impossible to cheat through it and walk off.
Put your son's achievements on FB. I like seeing achievement posts. (The main ones that grate are the ones showing endless arts/crafts/cooking with the kids, but that's probably just guilt that we're all chilling out on various sofas/beds/rugs instead of #makingmemories! )

KathArtic · 29/01/2017 10:03

There was a schoolgate mum who went on and on and on about her Dds achievements. There were only do many 'that's great' 'fantastic' 'so proud' comments you could make. I avoided her in the end because it was all she talked about.

To be fair though she had many early mornings, late night's and tonnes of washing which was probably just as much of an achievement and dedication as her DDs.

Original poster

MsJamieFraser · 29/01/2017 15:26

Took ds to his activity today and he had a fab time

As a few have clarified for me, exactly what I meant, and in no way do I think no one should be proud of their child, personally I wouldn't be emailing the school for ds's achievements. And my comments where said in jest.

We only told these people simply because dh coaches the football team (ds is a player on the team) and he couldn't attend the match yesterday or coach because he had ds's event to attend, first time dh has not been able to coach in 6 years, dh has a assistant coach, so he coached the team rather than dh. Normally they both would be at either side of the pitch coaching.

Yesterday he was at a party, after his tournament.

I have put ds achievements with his smiley wee face on Facebook now, he's loving reading all the comments from family and friends.

OP posts:

Magzmarsh · 29/01/2017 15:34

My dc aren't sporty but dd did dance competitions and ds does piano and guitar exams. There's always parents who can't handle their dc not being as good as they think they are and their default approach is to undermine and criticise others apparently 😕

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