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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really annoyed with my sister.....

24 replies

wurlywurly · 25/02/2007 20:46

My parents live 2 hours drive away and she has decided as her kids have no school this week and she has fell out with her dh (well he punched her while she was holding her 6 month old babybut thats another thread) thsat she is going to stay with them this week. Anyway my ds1 who is 7 should be going down to stay with my parents next weekend but they obviously havent go the space if my sister is gonna be there with her 3 children.

She doesnt drive so my brother has come to pick her up today and whn i have spoke to my mum my sister wont commit herself as to when she will be going home. Havent told ds that he was going to stay with nanny and grandad next weekend just incase it didnt happen....

I'm so torn between being annonyed with messing about with our plans but also feels sorry for her the problems that shes having with her dh.

OP posts:

Glassofwine · 25/02/2007 20:49

Yes, you are - I understand that it's inconveniant for you, but fgs her dh punched her, no wonder she can't commit herself to dates etc.

It's times like this when you know who your friends are, family shouldn't even be in doubt.

fireflyfairy2 · 25/02/2007 20:51

Oh for gods sake, don't be so bloody selfish. Your sister has been punched... oh well I can see how that would mess up your plans

lisad123 · 25/02/2007 20:51

I know you must be mad because son was meant to be going, but i do think your sister kinda needs them now more.
Your son didnt know he was going and can surely go another time.
If your sister has just left a voilent relationship, her and the kids need help and support.
Be there for your sister and enjoy time at home with your son and make plans for him to go in summer holidays.

Lisa

Caligula · 25/02/2007 20:52

Er, yes tbh.

Your inconvenience doesn't really compete with her dealing with domestic violence and a possible relationship split.

deaconblue · 25/02/2007 20:52

I think your sister should be entitled to the lion's share of parental support at the moment to be honest. Ds will cope with the disappointment surely?

Chloe55 · 25/02/2007 20:54

It sounds like your sister is obviously having issues with her relationship at home so her needs are more important than yours at the moment. It sucks that your plans are messed up but you need to be there for your sister, presumably your son can go see nanny and grandad another weekend.

Original poster

wurlywurly · 25/02/2007 20:54

i think it would be easier to take if she had left him, but she hasnt. Dont get me wrong I don feel bad for what has happened to her, having re-read my post i feel swful for writing it, think i'm just more annoyed that she will go away for a coupl of days then come back and act like nothing has happened, I just feel like saying to her, "he's not gonna change, kick him out!!"

OP posts:

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 25/02/2007 20:54

you are being unreasonable, and selfish.

your ds didn't know he was supposed to be going so really what is the problem.

you should be glad your sister at least decided to get away rather than stay with a violent husband.

and I think someone being punched while holding their child is more than a "falling out"?

Caligula · 25/02/2007 20:55

Has anyone reported him to the police?

Original poster

wurlywurly · 25/02/2007 20:57

but I cant understand why she stays with him, we both watched my other sister stay in a very violent relationship for 10 years. I dont think its even about ds going to stay anymore, just more upset with her (i think)

OP posts:

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 25/02/2007 20:57

and maybe she will go back, but maybe that's her decision to make. And maybe this time away will give her a chance to re-evaluate her situation, especially if she's getting support from her parents.

Chloe55 · 25/02/2007 20:57

Could you still not go for the day anyway? My in-laws live one and a half hours away and although it is a ball-ache we often go and visit for the day. If you time it right your son might nap in the car on the way home so he won't notice such a long drive. It will also mean that you can give your sis some support too - just an idea?

mytwopenceworth · 25/02/2007 20:57

sorry, i think you are being very selfish. your poor sister. her need is far far greater at this time. i think it is very unreasonable of you to be at all annoyed.

Original poster

wurlywurly · 25/02/2007 20:58

caligula, my brother has been and picked her up today and she has told him that she is jst going to stay while the kids are at shool, cos she knows if she told him what actually happened my brother would kick her dh out of the house. There is no way that she would call the police on him.

OP posts:

mytwopenceworth · 25/02/2007 20:59

oh sorry, x posts. if you're cross with her for not kicking his arse out, then i can agree with that! it sounds much more reasonable if you are angry about that than about your ds not going for a visit he didnt know about anyway!

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 25/02/2007 21:00

because sometimes it really isn' as simple as just leaving is it. if it was then women would all do it, but thousands of women are stuck in violent relationships.

I can't understand either why women stay, but many do, and it's a lot easier to look in from the outside and pass judgement over how you would do things? but we none of us really know until we've been there, and even then, not everyone has the strength to do what they have to.

lisad123 · 25/02/2007 21:00

Sorry but its cant be easy leaving a man you have had 3 kids with and properly still in love with. Everyone wants to think that their partner can change, and woman that suffer DV are often so low in confidence, they truely believe they arent worth loving and no one would want them, that why the men and woman who hit get away with it so long.

I know its hard to understand why your sister returns to this man, but you need to support her, its hardest to leave, than it is to stay.

Lisa

Original poster

wurlywurly · 25/02/2007 21:01

It just hurts watching my sister go thru this, it has happened before (he has thrown tins of paint at her), i'm at the point now that if i dont vent my anger here I will end up going round and getting into an argument with him and making it worse for her.

OP posts:

confused2007 · 25/02/2007 21:20

Poor you wurly, and your sister, all you can do is try to make her see sense, and be there for her if and when she does leave him

WWWHidingBehindSillyName · 25/02/2007 21:22

You are being unreasonable. Your ds's minor disappointment (or not, if you haven't told him) is nothing compared to the awfulness of your sister's situation.

Aloha · 25/02/2007 21:23

I think you are being incredibly unreasonable, unkind and unfeeling tbh.

Aloha · 25/02/2007 21:24

Ok, responded to your OP, and see you agree you are most upset because she won't leave her husband, and can understand your frustration, so I take back what I said. But yes, her need is greater atm.

chirpygirl · 25/02/2007 21:44

WW, your OP did come across as being quite unreasonable, but if you need to get it out of your system then much better to do it on here and have people think you are being a bit mean than losing it with your sister.

Vent away....

ThrowbackToWhen · 04/09/2023 13:08

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

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