aibu to need a sense of perpective about this

[mailfuckoff]

Last night we had a work do. I was looking forward to it for months as I couldn't make it last year. Ended up wondering why I bothered. I had no one to talk to, I've done my back in so no dancing or drinking. I found it lonely to be there and when I left no one noticed.
Aibu to feel down about the night still? I can't get the perpective on this. It's only a work thing and I've ablovely husband and children. I wanted a night of fun but it didnt happen no big deal.

Why did you have no one to talk to? Surely you can start conversations too?

I enjoy staff dos but because I work in a fairly sociable and informal setting so we know each other well. The demographic of staff is also fairly similar.

You may get on well with colleagues and they may become lifelong friends. At the same time, they may never be more than colleagues. If the latter, and you have the social and family life you want outside of work then no, it's no big deal.

Are you feeling a little sorry for yourself as you couldn't drink or dance? If everyone else was then it's unfortunate and hopefully you'll be ready to enjoy the next more.

I felt really awkward and not right in my dress and felt if I did talk to someone they were waiting for an escape. Also it was really loud so you missed half of the convesation anyway

Just one of those things then. You didn't like what you were wearing. It was too loud for 'chatting' and was more about a drink and dance. You couldn't join in. You may have built it up too much having missed the previous years.

[I] felt if I did talk to someone they were waiting for an escape

Base that on your regular relationships with people as opposed to one night.

Sounds like you weren't really in a position to enjoy it with having a bad back and not being able to relax. I've been a wallflower at these events and it's not fun; I've learnt that you have to throw yourself in and make an effort and alcohol definitely helps round off my edges in this situation.

Do you go out much? Did you build up this event as you don't socialise much at the moment? Work things are tricky. If you don't have good friends at work then I don't think the dynamics will automatically shift outside of work.

Don't feel down though! Like you say, its just one part of your life.

Maybe you'd built it up into such a big thing in uour head you couldn't help be disappointed. I'm sure people weren't waiting to escape, you were probably just feeling self conscious and one of the few sober ones so couldn't really join in if they were all drinking and dancing.

The fact no one noticed you leave isn't about you, it's probably more they were absorbed in what they were doing and as you were unable to fully join in due to back issues they simply didn't notice. It wasn't personal.

Next year, wear something you feel comfy in and hopefully your back will be better. Don't over think it, sometimes nights out are just a bit crap.💐

Oh op I can relate
At my work do everyone ate their Xmas dinner and then danced for about two hours
I just wanted to sit round the table and drink wine
Luckily so did another bloke so we probably looked boring but we had a lovely chat
I guess at yours you were the only one sitting ?

I think yoi have to chalk it upto the circunstances. Everyonr wanted to dribk and dance. You couldnt dance, you didnt feel confortable in yourself and that probably made you feel insecure.

Work dos are hard and i dont enjoy them. Because i find myself pulled between different groups trying to make sure they are all happy and feel included and dint enjoy it myself. Thats why i dont go on them anymore.

I agree with pp that maybe you built it up in your head too much.

I tend to only go to work dos if a couple of my work friends are going so I always have someone to talk to. I work in a college and dread inset days as I'm usually seated next to someone I've never met before and have nothing in common with (but sometimes just talking to someone you don't know can turn into a positive experience).