to be pissed at DP for going on a ski trip when I am ill, knackered and have a baby that wakes to feed all night?

[SaveMeTheWaltz]

DP has just left for a five day ski trip and I am fuming. We have an eight month old baby who still wakes to feed every 2-3 hours; this has been going on several months and I am close to cracking point. DP has already been working away from home for most of January, so I have been in sole charge of schlepping baby to nursery and four year old DD to school, doing a full day's work, collecting kids again, tea bath bed, feed all night, up at six and repeat the whole damn thing ad infinitum.
I know that I am being a little bit unreasonable, as usually DP is very hands on and care of the children is normally split equally (him working away from home is a new thing), but this month has been a very hard one and it would have been nice if he had felt able to forgo his annual ski trip this one year and let me get a little more sleep.

Agree with others that it depends when this trip was booked. I wouldn't expect him to cancel a trip under those circumstances but I would expect him to consider not booking one on a last minute deal.

Parenting isn't tit for tat but the expectation should be there that he provides cover for a similar break for you at some point as you have covered for him this time.

I agree with those saying it deoends whens this was booked.

Tbh if i was going away and me and dh had agreed it in advance i wouldn't cancel it because the kids werent sleeping. Dh wouldn't expect me too either.

I would however make sure he was getting a break as well, at some point. On my return i would doing a few days where i was solely in charge to give him a break.

YABU to expect him to cancel if he's paid for it. Unless you're so ill you can't manage, it's mean to make him miss a long-awaited holiday.

Can you use the time he's away to sleep train? An 8-month-old doesn't need feeding all night. Mine was the same (waking every 2 hours for milk) until I night-weaned and did gradual retreat. Millpond have great advice. I found it easier to sleep train when DH was away on work trip as the crying bothered him.

I agree with Mrsrochesterscat - no matter when it was all booked, he would have known a month ago that the OP had already been dealing with the night feedings for 7-8 months, and from his own contribution he should have known that keeping everything ticking over required two able bodied adults, so he should have arranged for help in his absence.

And it is not just for the holiday - the OP has been handling everything for the whole month of January as H has been working away from home.

I may be wrong to assume the baby is breastfed and therefore the H isn't getting up in the night - but if this is the case he may not have noticed how exhausted the OP is from working all day and then being on duty all night, and I think he should be reminded. (Again, perhaps a false assumption).

OP, I urge you to sit him down when he returns and let him know you need an extra pair of hands because what you are expected to do on your own is not feasible. You are going to collapse. The extra pair of hands needs to be budgeted for. Too much has landed in your lap and if your doubled burden was not discussed in advance of the new working arrangement then it is now past time to have that discussion.

Do you have a cleaner? A meal service?

He is bvu but he's gone now and you need to look after yourself for these 5 days.

As an emergency measure, can you have a day off work this week to catch up on sleep? Book a cleaner? Buy ready meals? Go to bed at the same time as the children?

Then serious talk with dh when he's home. Not tit for tat, but how you are both going to need to adapt to the situation if him working away and unsettled baby.

Can you ask any friends to have children for a couple of hours break this weekend?

When was the holiday booked?

If it was a week ago you have every right to be pissed.

If it was a few more the ago and you agreed then we'll there's no way he could have listed own you'd be ill or that your baby would still be feeding this much. Tbh the baby doesn't need to and perhaps it's time to look at some firm of sleep training as it's unfair that both of you agree held hostage by a baby who's waking more than a newborn would.

Excuse typos

My DH goes skiing with friends every year. The only year he has missed was when DD2 was due and DD1 was very young (very small gap between them). The year he went after DD2 was born, I knew it would be hard work so I booked the week off work! This worked as I didn't have to rush anywhere and could just do 'lazy' days. Is taking time off an option? Also don't do anything extra - don't clean, have shopping delivered and use prepared food/ready meals. Be kind to yourself and make sure your DH pulls his weight the rest of the year.