AIBU or is my mother-in-law?

[Northernlassie1974]

My mother in law helps out with childcare one day a week. I am eternally grateful for the help and the money she saves us.

We are VERY different but generally get on although there are a number of her ways that mildly (ok, sometimes majorly) wind me up but I manage to retain my irritation and ignore it.

HOWEVER, there is one thing that is more than niggling me, actually makes me feel boiling anger and it feels like it done intentionally to wind me up!

No matter how I've done my children's hair in the morning, she re-does it, in a different style that she knows I hate!!!!! There are also occasions that she's gone into their wardrobe to change the clothes of my youngest (pre school age)

Her preference is flouncy girly dresses (nearly party wear) and hair do's that involve multiple bows, clips and usually are on the top of their heads.

Mine is for more practical clothes (she's in nursery for crying out loud!) and hairbrushes into a pony tail or plait (to avoid nits) ideally not on the top of her head.

It's becoming every week and the styles are getting more and more ridiculous.

I vary between finding it amusing, being offended she feels I'm not 'doing it right' and downright anger!!!!!

AIBU or is she!?!?

(Disclaimer, for those who will say if I don't like it then don't let her have your kids, that's is not going to happen, this is a light hearted vent and attempt to see if I'm the only one who finds this unreasonable behaviour!)

I don't think they needs dresses and bows to look pretty

I don't either, but when I think of the disposable income I have for my daughter's clothes, it's far from that I was raised. There wasn't much money for dressing children up when I was growing up and I know that that's one of the reasons my mother loves to see my daughter all fancy - she loves that I can have her ready for a party every day.

I would hide all that stuff in a lockable chest with immigration papers to Australia just in case

Otherwise...no childcare is free, this is the price

My friend's MIL took her daughter for her first ever haircut without asking. My friend was livid.

I think you're getting off lightly here but I can understand why it annoys you. I'd just try and think about the money you're saving on childcare.

Ha,'No childcare is free, this is the price!' Love that one, it will now be my mantra, will shamelessly steal and use from hear on in!
thank you!!!

*here (I'm tired!)

Can you afford to pay for child care?

If so, tell her to stop or you will get a child minder.

If not, I think you need to start hiding the clothes and teaching your dd to say 'No grandma, not the frilly dress!"

My ex MIL used to change my DD's clothes (telling them she couldn't help it, she just had more "modern" taste than my practical approach ). They got the rage at bring treated like dollies at around age 4 but she was constantly going on about clothes and how they looked. She still buys them clothes to wear at hers (no idea why), but they choose them now, when they see her. They aren't big fans of hers.
I'd gently suggest to her that your daughter should start selecting her own things more.

My dm did this, I would let it go as my DD's got to the point were they told her themselves they are now teens and dm goes on about dd1 in leggings and black all the time and dd2 has umm her own sense of style I just laugh and say well you traumatised them out of dresses when they were babies they also refuse to have anything other than ponytails now

Print out pictures of Shirley Temple, hand them to MIL and say "Oh, I know you love playing dolly dress-up with my child. Here's some ideas."

OR - there is actually a Shirley Temple paper cut-out doll with cut-out dresses and outfits. Give to her as a gift so that she can unleash her inner 5 year old dreams.

Maybe you could buy some "pretty" dresses that you know your dd will loathe and will refuse to wear and seed your MILs dressing up collection with these. Then you could leave it to your dd to end the arrangement?

I know someone who had this trouble with a child minder. The Dad used to send the girls out in a jumper and thick tights, which he figured was nice and easy, and largely okay. The childminder used to bring them back in full-Barbie outfit. It drove the Dad nuts. The childminder got let-go-of eventually.

I think YABU a little bit, it obviously makes her happy. I'd try not to see it as her thinking you aren't doing it right but just her way of enjoying her granddaughter.

Does your mother in law have daughters? Mine had 2 boys and all nephews, so when DD was born she went a bit mad in all the stuff she would have liked to do herself. She more or less knows my taste, but she still buys the occasional hideous item or dresses and those ankle socks with frilly tops that I wore in the 80s, but I try not to mind too much.
But if she's dressing her at your house, you must be ok with the clothes in the first place (i.e they're not hideous at least!). I second the others, put them in the loft or something!

I'm a big fan of short bob hairstyles on wee girls. That'll learn her.