Is my boss being unreasonable or am I overreacting.

[Sissyinthesummertime]

I've been in my job for about 18 months. Most of it I really like. It pays me well and I need the job.

However, I feel like my boss is constantly overstepping the mark. Examples like today he commented on the 'high heels at work case' and said she probably only got the job as she had a tight ass and looked good in high heels. He's trying to get a rise out of me, but I don't bite most of the time. I did today, and he laughed, saying I knew you'd react to that.

When on our own he tells me stories of his sex life (I know his wife, through work), so it makes me feel uncomfortable.

There's loads of other scenarios that I can't bring to mind, but they have made me feel uncomfortable. More innuendos etc - it is a male dominated environment. Until recently I have been the only female.

Thing is, it's his company and I've been there less than 2 years so if I said anything he could just get rid of me.

Am I being silly. Goodness, when I write it down, it doesn't sound good does it?

Thanks everyone. Posting here has actually made me quite upset as I see it more like the bullying sexual behaviour.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you some of the stuff he comes out with. He once told a black colleague to go home early as he couldn't see him in the dark anyway. He never said anything. He needs his job.

I believe those that say confronting him won't end well. He has all the power.

I'm sad as I love my job, and other colleagues. Now I need an exit strategy, and for that I'm very angry.

You're stuffed. It's his co and he's deliberately taunting you. He can lie in court, too. If you can make a friend, do so, and try ignoring for a bit while looking for another job.

I know for certain he would lie. He lies about everything.

I just don't understand. I'm a loyal hardworking employee. His loss I guess.

Record it, document it, then decide what to do. Can you see now that its sexual harassment?
The comments are sexual in nature.
You dont feel able to challenge him, he owns the company.
There is no HR dept. Any complaints have to go to him.
Its sexual harassment.

Could you say 'your comments are unprofessional?'

Is your boss my boss?? Honestly so similar to mine, the inappropriate sexual comments, comments about people's appearances, racist stuff etc. I'm currently off with depression which in part has been triggered by the stress of working with him. I also know my boss's wife, so hearing him talk like this is even worse.

I'm struggling with whether to just resign or put in a complaint as in most instances it's only me hearing/seeing this stuff - my word against his, but I'm so angry that he will just get away with it again.

Agree with those saying document everything. don't report it and look for another job. Also note inappropriate comments he makes to others - like the racist comment. The documenting might not be useful, but it's a back up if things go wrong and you end up having to leave without a job to go to or if he does something worse, and it may help you back up someone else in the future after you've left.

It's depressing as fuck but while you can go to a tribunal, you have to pay now, and it'll cost emotionally and money wise. And there's no guarantee you'll win. He should be brought to justice but it's incredibly hard. Document, document stuff about others, record as you can, buy time to leave - and then once you've got out, if you want you can let your coworkers know you have documents and could stand up for them too.

It's really shit, I'm sorry.

I think this is sexual harassment, actually. OP, are you younger than him? I'm guessing you are by around 2 decades. Am I close?

Here's a few suggestions, some more serious than others. Hope some useful and some (at least) make you smile

• Blank face/bored look
• Obvious yawn
• "so... shall we get back to talking about work now?"
• "hmmm, yes, you wife talks me about your sex life too" (hold up littlest finger)
• "I hardly think that's appropriate"
• Make a point of writing what he's saying down in a notebook kept especially for noting this stuff (whilst he's talking). Ask him to clarify various points "sorry, did you say TIGHT arse?"
• "BORING!"
• (I really wish I hadn't started with the asterisks)
• Head tilt/raised eye brow "REALLY?"
• Pretend to be really, really into the conversation, but take it to the next level. Woman got job for having tight arse "hope her tits weren't saggy". His sex life "did you stick it to her?" Gays "oh, is there no level to which those perverts won't stoop"

Hope something in here helpful!

oh, and you and colleagues should back each other up, and be each other's witnesses. What was said, to who. When and how. Dates and times.

Record, record, record.

If nothing else, when you leave you can type it all up and email it all to the client list (not really!)

Sounds like you've got a psychopath boss?

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/help-my-boss-is-a-psychopath-a6703886.html

Thanks everyone. After a restless night, I've come to the conclusion that I'm stuck and I have to stay here listening to his sexist crap.

I need a reference for a new job, I need the money from working here. So it's shit. He can get away with it.

Psychopath sums him up I think. He can be very charming. He can also be extremely nice, helpful and understanding, so it plays with your mind.

Let's see what sexist rubbish I get to hear today.

IMissGranny No I'm older than him by a few years. We are both early 40s.