I'll keep as brief as possible. My husband goes through periods of throwing things around, acting petulantly, making me feel guilty for things by criticising me... essentially when I'm not doing things his way or how he prefers. Basically... whenever I have my own opinion!
I usually ignore it until he gets over himself. Over the past week it's intensified to an unbearable degree after I achieved a really quite fantastic milestone in my career at a time he's feeling really low. I didn't do it deliberately and I have tried not to mention it too much. I am working hard to hide my excitement and to be sensitive.
Last night we spoke. He said he has been working hard his whole life and then I just do this thing easily (I've been working hard for a long time too!). He said he's jealous of the attention I'm getting and he deserves the success I'm currently enjoying after all the things he's done previously. He says he's frustrated by the situation, not at me per se, and that I need to be able to separate those two. So, I've interpreted this as him saying he's feeling insecure at my actions... but not at me?
It must have been painful for him to admit that. And it helped me understand why he was acting so horribly rather than celebrating with me. I feel sad he's insecure like this. But it was shocking and angered me to hear. I would celebrate, support and champion him. That's called being a couple. I am incredibly sad and angry inside that I've married someone who has it in them to feel anything but love and support for their partner's success.
Today he's acting hurt and angry because I've withdrawn after his chat. I just feel like I can't be bothered, and I'll keep myself to myself for the time being if hearing about events around my success at work is bringing him discomfort.
He says I've made the whole thing about me and that, instead of withdrawing, I should be able to support him as he's working his way through his emotions, and be grateful he's explained. He's asked me why have I taken it so personally?
I am at my wits end. How can I separate the two - he's angry at my actions but not at me?! What?! I'm a human being not a saint. Yes, I have taken it personally.
So - AIBU to feel like actually, no I don't want to support him through his frustration because yeah I have taken them damn personally, and he needs to get over himself. He can't just dump that on me and then expect me take it on the chin, say thank you and give him a big cuddle, can he? Or am I being as bad as him? I know I should be supportive. I just can't bring myself to be at the moment.