Sick child, who takes the day off work

[BackAwayFatty]

Tell me if IABU please before I reply to my ex.

DD7 has a very bad case of tonsillitis with a nasty infection on one side. I've been off work Mon & Tues to care for her (unpaid). Tomorrow she would be due to go to her Dad's after school. She will most likely be off school tomorrow. Ex wants to see DD7 at normal hours I.e. 3pm. I'm expected to take the day off work (10 hour day unpaid in addition to the previous 2 days) while ex goes to work for 5 hours & still sees DD7 after. AIBU for expecting ex to take the day off to care for DD7? Or not sending her to her Dad's - feel that if she's too ill to go to school then she should be in bed? They go to his Mum's on a Wed for dinner so she won't be in bed at his.

Back story incase relevant

single parent, separated since pregnancy. Ex had no contact with DD7 from 3-5 years. Used a contact centre until last year.

Over the last 6 months we've increased to every 2nd Sat for the whole day & a Wed after school until 7pm. Last 2 weeks he's had DD7 on a Tues after school until 5pm for me to go to work.

Ex works part time, I work full time.

Completely agree with Sanscomic.

This doesn't sound like a mutually agreed arrangement for contact as child had no contact from 3-5 and then a contact centre was used until 6 months ago.

Sounds very much like Family Court was involved for father to have contact.

Therefore his time is court ordered. He may jump at the chance to have more time with his child but the OP can't expect that if she has insisted on slow progress of contact in the past.

Ok I take all your points, they make sense. I suppose I am talking about two parents who both consider themselves parents not a primary parent and a reluctant father.
This doesn't let him off the hook, in fact I think less of him, but in the absence of another actual parent then covering sick child is the OP's responsibility. It's a good thing the child has one decent parent.

Probably if that was me I would take the day off myself, but DD would not go to Dad's at 3pm. Tonsillitis is pretty rough, and if she needs another day off school in bed, then she doesn't go out at 3pm, I'm sure she wouldn't feel like it anyway.

The truth is Stealth, that we know nothing of the circumstances behind this arrangement and what has gone before.

Therefore calling him a 'reluctant father' and making judgements that at least the child 'has one good parent' isn't helpful.

He could be a good father who was denied contact for two years and fought through the courts for contact. Mother could have been obstructive and therefore a court order had to be made. I wouldn't describe a parent who subjects themselves to the scrutiny of a contact centre to see their child as 'reluctant'.

If this is the case then OP can't make and change the rules as she goes along.

But as I said we don't know the full history and I could be completely wrong. I just hope the OP manages to sort it out.

Hopefully I've not missed anything ...

Contact was not court ordered, we used a mediation centre to work through our agreement. Sickness wasn't discussed.

On a school holiday, he would have DD7 the whole day.

If DD7 were sick at school they would always call me first. They would call ex second but I've never been in a position to have missed a call.

DD7 has a bedroom & things at her Dad's. No overnights at the moment but there was up to age 3 & we will progress to overnight at some point.

I'm in Scotland, no claim back of money unfortunately.

Back story is complicated but overall he is a good Dad. It's times like this that he acts like DD7 isn't his problem & I'm made to be unreasonable.

He hasn't replied to my message & will no doubt pitch up at 3pm for DD7 😡

& to clarify I wasn't obstructive & stopped him from DD7 for 2 years.

There were allegations of abuse (inconclusive) from DD7. Contact was stopped during an investigation & ex refused to go to mediation/contact centre for 2 years.

Allegations for abuse from you daughter?

Why the hell do you want to send her to him when she is poorly.

Come on OP!!

Given the last info, I think you should be looking after her today.

Why would you send her to someone she says abused her!!

Even if there is no concrete proof that doesn't mean t didn't happen.

It's very insulting to imply that I would put my daughter in harms way & so will ignore those comments!

& i'm well aware that inconclusive doesn't mean it didn't happen.

After seeking advice from my solicitor it was clear that a court order would have granted overnight stays almost instantly & so I went for a contact centre.

Mediation meant I could control how he seen DD7 - location, duration, frequency.