Infertility - so anxious

[user1485282666]

Hi,

First post, no idea how to change user name. I appreciate that this isn't the right board but i know 'AIBU' gets the most traffic and i never get many replies in 'infertility' and cant remember my old log in details.

We've been TTC since September 2014. I've been on Clomid for 10 months (9 cycles in total). Ovulated on 3 of them (i think). No BFP to be seen.

At my last appointment in December i had a scan which confirmed that it was doing what it should be doing so there was no need to scan again on future cycles as i was now on the 'appropriate dose'.

I am on CD27 and i am certain that i am not pregnant again so anticipate that i'll be starting my 10th cycle of clomid in the next few days.

I have a meeting booked in with the fertility specialist in mid April. This appointment has been booked in "in the event that i haven't fallen pregnant by this point". I am receiving treatment on the NHS and i am frantic with worry now (admittedly the worry/stress seems to be worse at this point in the month) about what will happen during this meeting and that i will be told that there is no more that can be done on the NHS. Does anyone have any experience of what my options are likely to be?

I was convinced that it would have happened by now and now i am beyond despondent and feel really quite frantic and on the verge of a panic attack most days. I manage to keep on track mentally because i have to. I dont want to cause my DH and family any more worry and i have a reasonably stressful job which does not allow me to get bogged down too much if that makes sense.

Ultimately, i am really struggling with the 'unknown' and have no idea what the road ahead looks like and am beside myself with panic about the appointment in April.

Zita West's books are good from memory although it's tempting to buy loads of her products. From memory there are books that can add to any negative narrative so avoid those.

Wineismymainvice - thank you! i am so pleased to read that you got your girl after all of that. I did wonder if they would try IUI so she may mention that at the appointment.

Icy121 - thank you for your post and congratulations on your pregnancy! I am also 29, i turn 30 in a couple of weeks. I totally agree - the headfuck is by far the worst. The treatment is no picnic but that is not the thing i hate most about it. I would cut off my arm if it would mean i could get pregnant.

I was taken off clomid while waiting for IVF, but I was refered to a different hospital so it might be different if you don't need to change hospitals.

I second the idea of getting a book so you have something to refer to.

Everything you are feeling is totally normal but it might be an idea to look into counselling it helped me during that time.

OP you definitely have time on your side although of course you want it to happen asap. But being young and fact you are ovulating is definitely good news.

Thanks Tootisepops, i have looked at that website and agree that it is good. I was thinking the same thing about pursuing private lap and dye and think i will mention this to my specialist.

Thank you nokidshere

Sorry to hear you're having a tpugh time. It's shit.

You should only be prescribed clomid if you have confirmed ovulatory issues. For people with unidentified subfertility it is not a good idea to take it. So def get the other tests asap. And go back to your consultant and ask for an earlier appointment. Check out your local CCG fertility guidelines about what they should be offering you and when, that should help your decision making. Get ready to push for access.

I have PCOS. I was never on Clomid but I was on Metformin.

Are you tracking your cycles? I have a 28 day cycle but don't ovulate until day 19.

My advice would be to use a persona fertility monitor along with the Deanna plan. You can google for details. Preesseed is also supposed to help the sperm to get where it needs to go. I used it the cycles we conceived.

Good luck! X

Thank you Custardandcream, Pandaponda and nolly

Thanks Claressh - i should have mentioned earlier on that i am on metformin 3 times a day. That is worse than the Clomid in my experience!!

Thanks for the tips, going to google those things now

Sorry to hear all this OP. We have a child but have been ttc another for 3+ years and no luck so far. For us, nhs did semen test, a load of blood tests on me (checking ovarian reserve, hormone levels etc), a Hycosy on me to see if tubes were clear, then tried clomid. I did clomid for 4 months them chose to come off it as I felt overstimulated and wasn't convinced it was appropriate for me. Next step for us would be self-funded ivf. I'm a bit numb to it all now but for a long time the hardest thing has been going through the grief cycle every month - crazed optimisim, deep unfounded belief I'm pregnant, denial when I'm not, crash into depression then build up optimisim again, and somehow trying to maintain desire for sex through it all! Infertility is emotionally exhausting so look after yourself (and your husband). Conquering Infertility is quite a good book on trying to stay sane through it, and a good overview of your options is in Dr Robert Winston's book (essential fertility guide), but at the end of the day it's in the lap of the gods... Good luck xxxxx