To not want to spend this much money?

[ellalouise123]

Long story short, one of DH's old friends is getting married at the end of the year abroad. We both work in schools/universities but it is in Oct half term. However the flights are a lot more expensive than we had anticipated and the location is in the middle of nowhere, meaning we have to spend more money traveling. The venue is also expensive to stay at. What I thought might cost a couple of hundred pounds to go to is now ending up looking like it's going to be about £600. AIBU to not want to spend this?

We have said yes in theory, although they know we haven't looked at actually booking anything yet. It is one of DH's old friends who he sees relatively frequently, however I have only met the bride a couple of times and wont know anyone else attending. Also I am assuming they will expect a present too!?

I don't know, I know full well I'm being a bit selfish as it isn't a close friend of mine, so don't want to outright say no to DH. I think if I broach the possibility not going, he will say 'well we have to it's Steve' etc. AIBU to say 'Okay you want to go, it's your friend, but what is the maximum amount of money you'd be happy spending to see him marry?' or do I have to suck it up because we've essentially said we'll attend?

Yeah sorry I'm being cagey about the location and details just in case! (I'm paranoid!)

It's in a nice place but not somewhere i've been desperate to go to. I am going to look into staying in the more touristy area and just traveling to the venue for the day alone.

My first thought was, that's a lot of money to shell out for a wedding, then I tried to remember how much it had cost to attend the last UK wedding I went to: it came to £150 train fare (Scotland), £200 for 2 nights in the only nearby hotel, £50 quid taxi to/from venue. So easily £400 without including present, dress, hair, etc. At least for your £600 you'll get out of the country for a few nights!

YANBU. This kind of thing bugs me. Bride & groom want wedding abroad, great for them and maybe their parents if they can afford it, but it's so assumptive that everyone else would love to spend hundreds of pounds on seeing them get married.

I think this is a tough one because your DH will probably feel really bad if he doesn't go and in years to come he might get the regrets "You know, we could have afforded it, we should have just done it" etc. and even slightly blaming you (to offset his own guilt) as you would be the one with the least reason to go and the most reason to swerve it.

I think as PP have said you should try and turn the week into your holiday with a day or two taken out for the wedding, if possible, so you at least feel you have had a holiday. Best of both worlds?

But again, YANBU bugs me when hens get do's that are abroad or long weekends at spas with this, that and the other that adds up to hundreds too. That's why for my hen do I kept it traditional, a great night out at nearest city, meal, dancing etc. Nobody had to shell out hundreds and we all had a blast. Not saying everyone should do that, but not everyone can afford hundreds on hen dos etc and I was mindful of that.

Well I'd look at it if it was a very good friend of mine would i go and the answer to that is if I could afford it yes, in a heartbeat. It's not about whether I personally would get married abroad. The fact is they are, he is your husbands good friend, and it's natural to want to go and be there for your good friend if you can afford it.

No way. I mean if he is that bothered, he can go but you can save a bit if it's just him. Crazy amount to pay to be a wedding guest even if you have the money, there are loads of things you could do instead.

If you can afford it then I would go, it's a good friend of your dh. You get to decide the next holiday!

The two of you need to sit down and really discuss this. Draw up and for and against list and see where that gets you.

DP and I got married in this country but did invite friends and family from two different continents to attend. Some did and some didnt but those who said they wanted to come did come so if you have said yes then it is hard and a bit sad to pull out now. I dont think I would ask DP to not go to a wedding of a relatively close friend and would try to make myself available as well.

As TheWorstNoel notes, its not far from what you would have to pay for a wedding at the other end of this country.

I first thought, no way. DP and I wouldn't go, even for a family wedding. But actually if we could make a holiday out of it, then we probably would.

YANBU - it would have to be the wedding of someone very close indeed for me to think of going. I wouldn't be keen on the idea of making a holiday of it, either, unless it happened to coincide with somewhere I'd been wanting to go anyway.

If they're reasonable people, they'll understand that the cost and inconvenience will rule out attendance for some.

Unless it was somewhere I wanted to go for as a holiday as well and I could afford it I wouldn't go, and the bride and groom shouldn't be upset if people don't go when the wedding is difficult and expensive to attend. It's a bonus if people go, but shouldn't be expected.

You need to have a proper talk about it with your OH.

If you had £600 in cash in your hand now would you want to spend it on someone else's wedding or on something for you - a new sofa, a new TV, something special for your joint hobby etc. ? Cash tends to focus the mind more than a number on a credit card.

We're going to a wedding abroad this summer - a cousin, not particularly close (maybe see once or twice a year) but its been done in a "we'd love you to come but absolutely appreciate the expense of it". No pressure at all to attend, but she is thrilled that we're making the effort.

We're a family of 5, flights were about £800 (its May half term), and we'll pay accommodation on top of that. We're just going to make a holiday of it, slightly different in that we'll know family there, but (in my view), a good excuse to travel somewhere that we wouldn't normally go. We won't be able to afford another foreign holiday this year, so it seemed pointless to spend all that money on flights and not stay on for a week.

But I agree with what crunchymum says - if you're not tied to school holidays. go earlier or later and flights will be massively reduced. My parents are going 3 days earlier (before the schools break up) and staying on a couple more days (when schools have gone back) and their flights are £50 each (as opposed to the £140 each I've paid).

YANBU my good friend of 17years was getting married in September in Cyprus she gave me 9 months notice. Her mother comes from Cyprus and she has a lot of family there. The cost for me my dh and DS was very high and the flights don't come cheap.. we choose not to go because it was DS first year in reception having not attended the school nursery and the expense was too high. We went away that year to my friends astonishment to Spain with just me and dh as DS was with his DF the costs were considerably less. You do what you think is right op.

If the destination is somewhere nice, I'd probably go. Good excuse to discover a new place, and you might have a really nice time. I'm of the 'just do it' philosophy when it comes to travelling, within financial limits. Memories are made of this!

I only wouldn't do it if i had already got my heart set on other holiday plans this year, or had reason to think the wedding itself would be rubbish. Oh, and I didnt go to a friend's Caribbean wedding because it would have cost over £1000, which is really not affordable and she wasn't a very close friend anyway.

I've been to one wedding abroad and (although we wanted to go) couldn't have justified the travel cost just for attending it so it became our annual holiday as well, with the wedding taking up a couple of days. It was somewhere we wouldn't have gone by choice and we had a good time so it worked out well.

If it's somewhere hot in October half term it might be very welcome - but you surely won't be the only ones refusing due to location/cost if you choose not to go. Noone can assume people will shell out that sort of money, regardless of whether or not it's affordable.

Depends.

I would do it if it's either the bride or groom's home country or they now live there on a long-term basis.

If it's a destination wedding then I'd be unlikely too, unless I could make a proper holiday of it and it was somewhere I genuinely wanted to go.

If I did go to such a wedding, I wouldn't get the B&G a present as well. We did get ILs to contact certain people before our wedding and make clear that their presence really would be a present and all that, which apparently persuaded two couples to attend after all (our wedding was in central London, but they were a flight away).

If it sounds like a fun do and the country has potential for a good week-long holiday, I'd go. Otherwise not.

YANBU. This kind of thing bugs me. Bride & groom want wedding abroad, great for them and maybe their parents if they can afford it, but it's so assumptive that everyone else would love to spend hundreds of pounds on seeing them get married.

I agree. It's pretty rude and self centred for a B&G to think that their wedding is that important or interesting to other people that they should fork out thousands in money, and sacrifice their holidays/annual leave to come and witness it.

B&G need to make a choice as to what is more important - the location or the people. If it's the former, they need to realise that not many people are going to be there. If that particular location is so important to them, then they should just go on a honeymoon there after having a local wedding that their loved ones can be a part of.