To think that my adulthood would have been far better and far easier if I hadn't been emotionally abused by my parents?

[MissMallie]

I suffered emotional abuse from both parents, and physical abuse from my father. I am now NC with them.

However I have been left with two horrible mental health conditions; one is a certainty that my childhood caused it, and the other is highly likely that it was caused by my childhood.

I just find life such a fucking struggle. I'm married, 3 DCs, happy on the surface I guess. But these conditions hold me back and make me unable to lead a normal, happy, carefree, confident life. I've tried medication, counselling, all kinds of therapies, but nothing cures me.

I just feel resentful that I've been robbed of a normal life.

Bump......

Having a very down day today and feeling sorry for myself

You just need to make a decision that as an adult you are responsible for you, you can let them win and let them ruin your life and that of your now families or you can say fuck them, I will live happily and well. That's the best revenge right? Right now you're letting them win. Haven't they taken enough from you?

Yes it absolutely would have been easier. You are perfectly entitled to feel sorry for yourself too.

Bluntness100 is right, not an easy task though. But look at what you have now, and more importantly what you are achieving with your three DC.

You've done this too despite what you experience as a child: this means you are a very strong person regardless how you might feel.

In theory I know I should do that but my mental health conditions make it so difficult to be positive and not to be anxious or resentful.

You may be right, MissMallie - your adulthood could well have been better/easier if you hadn't been through abuse.

How long have you considered it as abuse? Is this a recent thing you've realised after counselling, or have you know it for what it was for a long time?

Thank you so much everyone :-)

flipflap I've known it all my life really; as a child I knew that my parents were not nice to me and not like the parents of my friends. I lived in fear basically.

Therapy won't cure you but it could make living your life a bit less hard. I had similar to you and have been having counselling for nearly 10 years (that sounds so extreme written down) with a couple of years out here and there.

I'm still trying to battle with my past while enjoying my present, but counselling means I have somewhere to try to process all the shitty emotions. My counselor offers me a special deal cost wise and I go every two weeks to try and keep costs down.

My parents meanwhile have no idea what they have cost me financially or emotionally.

for you, it's hard.

How sad . You probably are right, but you do have control now. Have you tried CBT? You might find it helpful?

I've had therapy of different kinds including CBT for over 20 years now (am 40 now), been on medication for most of that 20 years too :(

I know it sounds a bit airy fairy but have you tried mindfulness and meditation? It can help you feel in control of your life again?

So sorry for what you went through and still are.

The reason I asked, MM, was because your post struck a chord with me - outwardly all is good, but inwardly it's a struggle.

For me, I didn't realise fully that what I'd experienced was not ok, until maybe 10 years ago. Then I was anxious and resentful for years (and mildly depressed, but AD's did nothing for me).

The only things which have helped me significantly have been supplements. I never believed they'd make a difference, but since the autumn, I've felt a lot better. I started taking vitamin D, a range of B vitamins, 5HTP, GABA and St John's Wort. The only problem is that I've now no idea which one makes such a difference! Whatever it is, since I started on that lot, I find it so much easier to keep the resentment and anxiety in check and be more positive.

It could be coincidence of course, or even a placebo effect, but I don't really care as long as it carries on 'working'. I just feel like I'm doing more than just coping now.