To feel like this isn't right

[Mousedl1]

So back story MIL died last year and didn't have a will so money is being split between 3 siblings. First part is being released next week and the rest on completion of house being sold so a few months yet.
We are looking to buy a house next year and use a lot of it as a deposit so I have been looking at best savings account, help to buy ISA's etc. Just spoke to DH about opening the help to buy one as it's limited per month so the sooner it's opened the more we get back for our house move and initial down payment is £2500 (he is getting 25k) next week.
To be told he has already agreed to give it to other siblings as one wants to buy a house and put in an offer before having the money and other wants a fresh start so wants 6 months rent upfront. It's not that he has lent it as I get that it's that I am literally told that's happening. I feel like this isn't a marriage and neither of them would lend him that sort of money without actually having a conversation with their other half. Instead I get told it's happening he has already arranged it and despite us losing out on money for the purchase of our house 'it doesn't matter' and I should get over it as it's done.
Really feel like this isn't a partnership and I am so often left out of the loop I have had enough

On what he's doing with the inheritance itself, YABU and really should let it go. He and his siblings sound like they have a good relationship despite their mother & that should be nurtured.

The other feelings about being excluded, potentially YANBU and need to explore further.
But if this is the main example of his behaviour, you are still being unreasonable, you have decided together what you'll do with the inheritance haven't you: to use as a deposit on a house next year? It is only the timing /sibling loan he's agreed without you.

YABU, you are still going to get the money, just in three months time, which is well before you actually "need" it. Your DH's siblings on the other hand, "need" the money now and he is willing to help them out by delaying his inheritance for a little while, why would you have a problem with that? It is a matter for the siblings to decide upon, nobody else. Yes your DH could have asked your opinion, but at the end of the day if all three siblings were in agreement as to the priority of who got the money exactly when, why do you feel you need to have a say as well? Would you have disagreed with the arrangement?

We had a similar situation when my nana died, her estate was to be split three ways - between her two children (my dad and aunt) and her four grandchildren (my brother and I and my aunts two daughters) with our money being held in a trust fund until we turned 18. When she actually died, my cousin and I were both 21 and finishing University a few months later and our siblings were 17/16. Once it got to actually sorting out the estate, they worked out what each "share" of the estate would be worth and it turned out that there was a fairly large amount of money that basically covered both of our "shares" but not enough to also cover our siblings' outright. The rest of the money was either tied up in bonds or property, so it would take time to release the value.

Our parents sat all four of us down and basically said "You'll all get the same money in the end but we want to give melj1213 and OlderCousin their share from the money in nana's account as it will go a long way to helping them pay off some of their Uni debt and give them a financial cushion for their start to post-grad life, and since the shares for you younger two have to go into your trust funds anyway, we decided that we might as well not tie up available money in those and instead will put the money in as and when we liquidise the other assets from the estate". Yes the younger two grumbled a bit but they both agreed that it was, ultimately, the fairest decision as it wasn't based on everyone waiting to getting their share at the same time purely to be "equal", but on us each getting our share based on priority of need.

Woh Id be super cross. Not the fact he lent the money but the fact he didn't even discuss his thoughts or mention it.

Even if its his money I'd like dh to at least discuss what he's doing and take my opinion on board (even if he chose to ignore them). That's what couples do.

As for the OP - yes I can see why you are cross - but it is his money and it is up to him if he lends it, as long as he can be really sure he will get it back.

Would the consensus be the same if one half of a marriage won the lottery, or would that be deemed OUR money rather than MY?

Personally, I think if money comes about in a marriage/partnership then it is OUR money, rather than MINE.

PP's attitudes could be given to one partners earnings, if on stays at home. In a partnership all money should go in to the joint pot imo.

It's his inheritance, not yours. Therefore it's up to him what he does with it. I stand to inherit a lot of money when my father passes. my husband often jokingly decides what he's going to spend it own, but knows it's none of his business and vice versa.

Eliza I think inheritances are very different as it's so personal. This is money and family heir looms being handed down to specific people named within a will. I will be naming my son in my will, not his partner as I am working towards what's best for him and his future.

Wow... I think he should have discussed it with your first, even if it was a done deal. Id be pissed.