To think DH is being fucking selfish

[MadJeffBarn]

So we've transitioned the boy into a big boy bed as the little houdini figured out how to escape his cot. He shares a room with his sister, and the last few nights I've felt like I'm in a Benny Hill sketch, as when one gets up the other follows and I'm finding myself chasing them both all across the top floor. Ds obviously thinks this is a fabulous game. His sister doesn't help the situation by encouraging it. Yes all very fun at 3am. So I've been chucking the eldest into our bed, next to sleeping hubby. Sleeping hubby no longer sleeping decides to come down and bother me, not before kicking eldest out of bed, sending her back to her room and starting the whole procedure again (after I finally got youngest to sleep ). He doesnt like sharing a bed with her. He doesn't like sleeping on the sofa. So basically, we all have to suffer. Eldest has school, I have work (just slipping in he's a stay at home dad, but never gets up in the night whether I have work or not) so basically as long as he gets a good night's sleep he couldn't give a shit about the rest of us.

To top it off our boiler is broken. It keeps flooding (despite the gas engineer coming out yesterday denying it, by this point dried up although you can clearly see damp in the carpet) and he's come downstairs, had a go at me for not putting sufficient towel barriers down, for having not rang our landlord again, mocked me before going back to bed.

If you were the SAHP, you'd be blazing if DH was chasing the kids about the place at 3am à la Benny Hill.

If I was the SAHP I might consider it my job to deal with the situation as well as the WOHM. Surely it is not down to one partner to deal with a situation while the other one gets annoyed?

I don't agree the SAHP should do all the night wakings, looking after an energetic small child is very tiring, but so is going to work. The fairest thing, like with most in life, is to share it. And it sounds like he isn't.

I also don't think the boiler is automatically his responsibility. But neither is it yours. It's both of yours equally, because you both live there- so whoever can call easiest should. If the WOHP has nice long lunch breaks a quick call to arrange to get it fixed would be fair, if the SAHP has a child who can be easily focussed on some quiet toys then it would be fair for them to call. He's being selfish. As PP said you should both be helping each other, and it sounds like he's not doing that.

To play devil's advocate, it sounds a bit like you're enabling your children to be disruptive in the night and expecting your DH to accommodate this by either sharing a bed with one of the kids or sleeping on the sofa. They really should be in their own beds. Allowing them to do this is making a rod for your own back.

So what does he do as a 'SAHP'.

I'm sorry but would be giving him 2 option either he is a SAHP and actually doing it. Or getting a FT job.

He can sort the boiler out he's at home.

You should not be the only one working, getting up all night and sorting out things that he could do.

On a day with no work the next day stay up all night, if necessary, putting DCs back to bed. And again the next night until they give up. Also First DC to stay in bed gets BIG treat the next day.

I'm ignoring the fact he is a man and OP is a woman, as I hate the double standards and some of it is coming through loud and clear, nobody would question what a woman was doing with her time as a SAHP, so that's irrelevant to me.

if you were SAHP, you'd be blazing if DH was chasing kids around at 3am a la benny hill

Apart from being hilarious, I'd be shutting the door and telling him to get on with it, whilst saying our bed is very much remaining a child free zone.

It sounds to me like when he is waking up he is returning DC to their beds,and that he is then waking you up presumably to tell you to come back to bed to get some much needed sleep? I at times could sleep through a herd of elephants so are you waking him up and telling him to do it? If your not, and following the "I'm up now I might as well do it" then you need to wake him up

I wonder if he has done night shifts in the past as SAHP, and had a routine and now your making it into a massive game of swap beds? Understanding fully that being exhausted may have a LOT to do with this (and 12 hour shifts are exhausting, so you very much need your sleep) so was he the one to get up in the night when they were smaller?

I think you need to talk to each other, get a plan and work through it. Not defending him just trying to see it from another possible angle

Well said mintychoc

YABVVVVU for putting the Benny Hill theme tune into my head.

Other than that, he sounds a bit of a tool. Why couldn't he ring the landlord? He knows you've got a lot on your plate atm! And he should definitely be getting up in the night with the kids when you've got work.

Practical suggestion - maybe don't chase the kids. They'll soon stop if it's not a great game. Possibly.

Unless the working parent is a brain surgeon or long distance lorry driver and absolutely has to be wide awake I don't see why it should be only the SAHP who does night wakings - they need sleep too. OTOH obviously it should be shared - he sounds ridiculously lazy - why on earth does he think you're responsible for al the night wakings?

Have you thought about putting a single mattress in the kids room so that if they get up, you go in there and sleep on that for a bit. It trains them to stay in their own beds and it won't be forever. They will sleep all night long once the youngest gets used to his own bed.
Why does he not ring the landlord? Why is that your job?

A different situation, but we have 4 dcs, one with ASD, and our nights were becoming intolerable with bed hopping etc. When the youngest moved out of the cot I put the cot mattress under our bed and when they come to hope in our bed I pull the mattress out and they sleep on that. I can reach them to stroke their hair etc.

Such a life saver. My turned-5-years old today dd sleeps on it when she has bad dreams, my 6yo sleeps on it when she has bad dreams about dinosaurs, my ASD 8 yo frequently sleeps on it as she has lots of sleep issues and last night my poor 10year old slept on it as she wet her bed for the first time in years!

I remember being small and often sleeping in my parent's bed, and I really want to make sure my dc aren't Alone, upset and afraid in their rooms. After so many years of bed sharing, I also like my own bed - you've probably got a spare cot mattress now, perhaps it could be a solution for you?