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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Internet/email use agreement

143 replies

GiraffesEatStingingNettles · 23/01/2017 20:54

My children's school have sent home letters with agreements for both children and their parents to sign. In principal, I am very supportive of their aims, but one clause in the adult agreement does not sit well with me.

'I will support the school's approach to e-Safety and will not upload or add any pictures, video or text that could upset, offend or threaten the safety of any member of the school community'

They are talking about social media and general internet use, not just the school website and internal systems.

Obviously I am not planning a hate-campaign against any of their members of staff Grin - but the way I read that phrase I am basically agreeing never to post anything online, ever. I have no way of second guessing what might offend (reasonably or unreasonably)1000+ people, many of the total strangers to me. I agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly, but feel that actually, within reason I am entitled to express my own views online.

Quite how they intend to police this policy I don't know. Pupils they have more control over, but I am curious what sanctions they propose for adults who sign the agreement and fall foul of the rules??!!

DH thinks I am being silly and should just sign it and send it in. I am sorely tempted to cross through/reword that section before I do.

Am I being precious, and would you all just sign it without batting an eyelid?

OP posts:
Celaena · 24/01/2017 07:07

they are talking about anything a parent posts anywhere online (ever)

I'll post what what I fucking like (I put fucking in because i can... which I couldn't if I signed that letter)

Ignore it or return it unsigned and if they ask why tell them you're an adult and will be your own online conscience

BlackeyedSusan · 24/01/2017 07:41

my just turned three year old had to sign something for nursery. she did not have the understanding nor the abilityto write anything that liooked like her name. complete utter tosh.

MuteButtonisOn · 24/01/2017 09:15

Some, thankfully few, schools seem to think they are in charge of parents as well as kids.

It sets a precedent. I think it's quite worrying actually that this is seen quite lightly by those willing to sign. I'm sure this will be the norm within a year. That's actually not OK with me.

splendide · 24/01/2017 09:35

I wouldn't sign it without amending it. I may be oversensitive as a lawyer but I would not sign something I considered impossible to comply with.

wettunwindee · 24/01/2017 09:50

Why do so many posters on here seem to think that they need to point score against the people responsible for your child's education at every opportunity?

I refused to sign. we had a frank exchange of emails.

Tell the school you do not agree with it and tell them why. It is utter rubbish anyway from a legal point of view

I agree with the second point. Therefore sign it and make everyone's life (including yours) easier.

someone else who takes a stand on this sort of thing

I have no issue being 'that' parent though.

It's your raison d'etre from what I've read.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 09:52

Why do so many posters on here seem to think that they need to point score against the people responsible for your child's education at every opportunity?#

We don't. We just don't want to be pushed into to signing ridiculous, unworkable and frankly insulting contracts about things that are no business of the school.

wettunwindee · 24/01/2017 09:59

It is the business of the school - repercussions can have an effect on the school and its pupils.

I agree it ends to be unworkable. How is it insulting though? It wasn't challenging your understanding of contract law?

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 10:01

Of course its insulting. The school asking me to promise not to be rude online? I'm not a child, what I do is none of their business. And imagining I'd be stupid enough to sign something so ridiculous is also quite insulting.

wettunwindee · 24/01/2017 10:03

I'm not a child

Hmm. Petulant nonetheless.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 10:15

Nope. Just not a mindless sheep signing every bit of paper the school sends out. If you can't be bothered to think, thats your choice, not for all of us though.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 24/01/2017 10:18

I signed ours but forgot to send it back anyway.

It isn't a great wording, although the sentiment of not using social media to stir up offence and strife in the community is reasonable.

I can't promise that I will never cause offense to anyone in my community. I volunteer in the community- I could easily offend a fellow parent with a fairly innocuous message such as a trip being full meaning that their children can't go on it. I am careful about what I post, my language and wording especially if something is public but what may offend people is unpredictable. The wording is too general to be of use.

The real issues are things like public airing of issues that should be dealt with directly within school, or feuds that extend beyond the classroom.

The govenors will have to review and approve the wording of these policies. Some diplomatic feedback could be useful for future reviews.

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 24/01/2017 10:29

wetwindee Bit of a gross generalisation to say that posters who don't want to sign something thats badly worded or impossible to comply with ..'seem to think that they need to point score against the people responsible for your child's education at every opportunity'.

I'm very supportive of the school, in general. Help out a lot, both directly with the children and behind the scenes. As human beings, just like the rest of us, even school staff get things a bit wrong. What's wrong with polite discussion to encourage us all to be our best and to have guidelines and policies that can actually be used?

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 10:37

The real issues are things like public airing of issues that should be dealt with directly within school, or feuds that extend beyond the classroom

Then this is what they should be trying to legislate for, instead of using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

Mumoftwinsandanother · 24/01/2017 10:45

I agree with you OP that it is clumsy wording. However, it doesn't matter much as is not a legally binding document more just a moral code. we have something like this in the internet policy at the school I am a governor of. We discussed the policy in detail recently as have had incidents with parents posting horrendous, unkind and personal comments about staff on facebook groups. We are a tiny school and our only "outstanding" teacher (she has achieved an "outstanding" level only 3 years into her career and is already head of maths) has resigned due to the stress of facebook commentary. It makes me so sad as it is the children that suffer, its so difficult to get good teachers and supply teachers and recruitment costs so much out of our already stretched budgets. Our hands are quite tied as to how we can deal with these parents, we are currently taking legal advice (although this is money we can ill-afford to spend) and we are limited to showing public support for the teacher and threatening to take matters further (although we will look pretty silly if we threaten and then don't actually do anything). Trust me the school won't pursue you if you post a few risqué comments on your own FB account that have nothing to do with the school.

wettunwindee · 24/01/2017 10:47

@FlouncingInAWinterWonderland - I did suggest that it was a generalisation by using the word 'seem'.

As you (correctly) called them guidelines then, as such, they're fine.

These can only really be "of use" if they are in line with what is legal or illegal and doing that would be completely redundant.

I think that reminding parents of what constitutes acceptable behaviour is sadly a regular job for schools.

That poster who gave a list of things they've refused to sign seems quite typical.

They're unenforceable guidelines as to how to be a reasonable person. Sign them and don't be a dick. That's a general 'you', by the way.

It's much more complicated at an independent school and that's why an exclusion can cost quite a bit in legal fees.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/01/2017 15:08

I have no issue being 'that' parent though.

It's your raison d'etre from what I've read.

It's not. What is my raison d'être is raising my child to be a reasoning, questioning, intelligent person who doesn't just do things because someone in authority tells her to. One who doesn't defame people online because it's wrong rather than because someone told her not to.

What do you think wettunwindee about the school including racist expectations about eye contact? Because my 'list' of objections included that. Aboriginal children either comply (and break a code of their culture) or don't comply and they're made into liars. And, yes, it is important. What with the whole genocide thing.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 15:10

However, it doesn't matter much as is not a legally binding document more just a moral code

I would say the moral code is more important than the legalities (especially since it isn't legal at all). I don't take kindly to schools trying to police my moral code, do you?

wettunwindee · 24/01/2017 15:43

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MrsTerryPratchett · 24/01/2017 15:57

Yes, you're raising a child. I bet I can guess what kind. Reported.

You might to read a little about Aboriginal culture because your assessment of 'racism' might be a little... ignorant, stupid and completely wrong.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 24/01/2017 16:06

DH thinks I am being silly and should just sign it and send it in.
There's the solution, let him sign it, carry on as normal, should it ever be raised as an issue you haven't signed anything.

It is different if you are moving to a new school but they are trying to change the contract after you started. I have signed the (more sane) contracts but didn't get dc to sign until they were old enough to hold a pencil understand each point. Until then I just adopted a 'be good, try your best and try to do what the teacher asks you to' approach.

wettunwindee · 25/01/2017 00:01

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JennyHolzersGhost · 25/01/2017 07:39

Ok i appreciate the point made by teachers on this thread that they have problems with some parents' behaviour. What isn't clear to me is what difference the existence of a parent's signature on this behaviour policy makes in terms of the school's ability to tackle that problem. Can someone explain please ?

wettunwindee · 25/01/2017 08:08

@JennyHolzersGhost

Legally, no difference at a state school. They're more like guidelines.

Some parents do sadly need to be reminded of what is appropriate behaviour. Some revel in being a rebel. Some are too stupid to realise that what they're posting can be illegal (libel). A friendly reminder does no harm and this seems to me to be a friendly reminder.

Apparently, "could offend" is the part that people don't like.

MuseumGardens · 25/01/2017 09:40

Some parents do sadly need to be reminded of what is appropriate behaviour. Some revel in being a rebel

I've noticed that at dd's school too. I swear some of the parents didn't grow up past the age of 14. A mum was calling one of the teachers names on a school parent fb account and the bloke who ran the group was called into the head who was sitting there with a printout of what was said!

user1484317265 · 25/01/2017 09:43

Some parents do sadly need to be reminded of what is appropriate behaviour

Appropriate according to who? The school? I don't care what the school thinks is appropriate, my standards are my own.

Are people really fine with being so bizarrely patronised like this? You're so used to your nanny state that you like it now?