AIBU or is my elderly MIL's Housing Association?

[alpacawhacker]

My MIL is 78 and has dementia. She lives in an assisted living flat owned by a housing association.

About three times now in the last six months we have had a phone call from her to say she's on the floor and can't get up and we've had to go round and pick her up. Fortunately on all of these occasions she has been in the front room and managed to drag herself across the room to the phone although she did fall once before in the garden and break her wrist but managed that time to get herself up. I think it's fair to say she has a history of falls. She also fell before she moved to this flat and broke her hip; this precipitated the move since she was in a first floor flat with no lift before. (She does have a pendant btw but sometimes she forgets to put it on, sometimes she loses it in the flat and sometimes she just can't remember what it's for.)

She has the kind of front door where you pull the handle up and lock it with a key. Recently she has started leaving the key in the lock, which means it can't be unlocked by us from the outside in an emergency. All our attempts to get her not to do this have been in vain. We also wanted to get a keysafe for emergency services in case she falls when we are not at home, otherwise we can't go very far at all but, obviously, if she's left her key in the door that will be useless.

We contacted her HA to request they change her lock for safety reasons to one where you just turn a knob inside to lock it instead of using a key and they said it's chargeable. Ok. But they want to charge her £180 just to come and look at it! She's on a state pension and has no savings to speak of so this would be a lot of money to her. They also said that they have to do it, we can't do it ourselves or get someone else to do it and, what's more, if the door has to get kicked in because she's on the floor and locked in, she'll be charged for that too.

AIBU to be completely gobsmacked by this? Or are they BU? And if it's not me, any idea what my next move should be??

Yes, I think it's certainly time to think about trying to get her into sheltered housing if possible. Not quite so sure if my DH will be 100% on board with that idea though, he's finding it tough I think to accept that she has got that bad.

Do be careful, going down the ''but she has dementia.......'' route. They may decide that is a reason to move her on, hard as that is.

If she I diagnosed with dementia, they will probably see the lock issue being the tip of the iceburg.

I very much doubt that a warden is either qualified or indeed allowed to pick her up if she falls. Sheltered housing is just that, it sounds as though she needs supported living.

If she needs the lock changed to a different lock due to her disabilities, then that comes under aids and adaptions and that would be your local council, has she had care and support out to do an assessment?

Has she got a back door that you can have a spare key for?

Unfortunately this is not in the remit of HA, however confused as to why it has to be them, have you sought written permission to get the lock changed, you need to look at your mothers tenancy agreement says.

Supported living... ok, I will have to look that up.

I expected there to be a charge, by the way, just didn't expect it to be £180! Unless I misunderstood that was regardless of whether they actually did any work or not so just a call out fee.

Tbh, her situation is only going to get worse, I'd personally be looking at care homes, or assisted living.

As a previous person said, HA, do have a legal responsibility for reasonable adjustments, however that does not mean they cover the costs.

I work in sheltered housing. We absolutely do pick people up if they have fallen as long as they haven't injured themselves. All of our service users properties are on a master suited lock system so we can access when we visit making our checks or in an emergency. When/if you look at Sheltered Housing check what service they provide. Very Sheltered Housing maybe a better option too.

How do I get the ball rolling on that Heman? Do I need some kind of assessment from Social Services or something?

Does she have a social worker/OT? If not can you ask for a referral and ask for a assessment to be carried out. There may be some funding that can cover these costs. I haven't lived in the uk for a number of years so am not sure how things work any more.

Is she under the older adult mental health services? If not I guess the gp would be the first step.

Speak to your MIL's social worker. Basically Sheltered/Very Sheltered housing is Assisted Living. It's just a case of what services they provide. Generally it's about supporting people to remain independent in their home. Very Sheltered has 'on site' carers providing homecare type support. In our Local Authority someone has to be receiving a certain number of hours care to be eligible for Very Sheltered. I think it's 15hrs/wk. But they keep changing it.

I would go about it on the basis that MIL's current place is no longer providing her with the support she needs in order for her to remain independent. So she is no longer adequately housed.

Our sheltered housing schemes are lovely btw! People live in their own flat/bungalow within a complex and we visit and provide support as needed.

Its a lock you can access with a key both sides, so is it a mortice? If not then it shouldn't be a problem to open it from the other side.

If it is, a burglar will stick in a screwdriver with glue on the tip. That sticks to the tip of the key, then they turn it.

Well you learn something new every day.

Heman, thanks. I just need to convince my DH.

You should be able to find a list of sheltered/very sheltered housing schemes on your local council website. Both the council ones and HA ones. You can see what service they offer. It does seem to vary wildly . For example, I work for a local council. We provide week day visits and a 24 hour/365 day emergency service. See what is on offer in your area. We're always happy to show people around if they ask too.

alpaca- my dad was in a very sheltered housing scheme and it was wonderful (called and extra care scheme and delivered by Hanover Housing) He had his own flat with large bedroom, bathroom with walk in shower and open plan living room and kitchen. There were carers and a nurse on site 24 hours a day, a midday meal was provided in the restaurant and residents could get light snacks at toehr times. All laundry was done as was shopping and some housework. There was also a small shop and hairdresser on site, a lounge area and regular events

Staff were wonderful and the set up was perfect- dignity, as much Independence as the resident wanted but staff ready to step in

www.hanover.org.uk/looking-for-a-home/renting/extra-care-housing/

How long has she lived there? You can ask for the locks to be changed as a reasonable adjustment for her disability. Most HA have a qualifying period where they won't make adjustments for new tenets, 1 yr often.

You could also try a retro fit Smart lock. I'll dig out a link and post it on here.

www.appcessories.co.uk/best-wireless-door-locks-review/

There are quite a lot of smart locks out there. I'm disabled and looking at getting one for my door, this is the one I will probably go for. I had a fall last week and it was very scary. Luckily I have a smart watch and was able to call for help from that.

This lock will fit over existing locks, so can be used without landlord permission and can move with MIL if required. You can issue multiple keys and switch them off remotely, allowing access for carers, cleaners etc and can also alert you if door is opened unexpectedly. Really useful if MIL is/becomes a wanderer. It is similar cost to what you have been quoted, I would see it as an investment in keeping MIL safe and living independently.

I hope you get this sorted

Reasonable'seems to be anything that is not changing the fabric of the building widening doorways etc. Until 2 years ago I worked for social services, and I've done that for 3 LA's. Your MILs HA is being unusually awful. In the past I've gone into people's HA flats and said they needed rails etc and they've been put up, no charge to the tenant. I'd still argue they are being discriminatory- by putting such a high charge in place they are preventing your MIL accessing the adjustment. It is probably worthwhile phoning your local social services to see if you can be referred to a social worker/OT who could help convince them. However, depending on where you live you could have a wait. Is there any chance you could get your own quote for the work to present to HA to show they are being unreasonable, as most tradespeople don't charge for quotes?

If your MIL forgets about the pendant she may get on better with a falls detector. She'd need to wear it (and not take it off) and it would have to be compatible with her alarm system. Whoever runs the alarm should be able to advise, or an OT.

With extra care housing etc usually the person needs a substantial package of care in place already- e.g. 2 visits a day or as pp said 15 hrs for example, usually to include help with washing and dressing. This can be full help or just prompting, and if your MIL needs it, but refuses it, it still counts as a 'need' so there is (usually) a bit of flexibility. Falling would not make her eligible on its own- those in charge say things like a change in environment will not stop her falling (even if it's less of a wait to be picked up). Your local authority will be able to advise you of their eligibility criteria. In my experience there are often long waits for extra care housing, so really your MIL needs her current place sorted out first.

Unlike pp I'd argue that a diagnosis of dementia does not necessarily mean a person will end up in a care home/extra care housing. Some (many) people do, but others don't get a whole lot worse before they reach the natural end of their lives, and they are able to continue to live fairly independently. Everyone is different and you can never tell how things will go (unless they have Lewy body type dementia which is a different kettle of fish)

Just had a look on orbits website- if it's the same one- they have a bit about aids/adaptations on their website...their policy says they will fund minor adaptations up to £2500.

Then why are they asking for £180

Exactly...from the outside it doesn't seem to make much sense. here is their page about adaptations, if it's the same organisation, and if you click on the blue 'more detailed info here' bit it brings up their policy. It has a list of examples of minor adaptations but that's not exhaustive so I can't see why changing the door lock wouldn't fit into that. It isn't on the 'not covered' list at least!

Oh thank you dangermouse, I'll have a good look at that webpage!