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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bus queue etiquette

51 replies

NettleCake · 23/01/2017 14:21

Cold day, lots of buses arriving at once, busy street. There was a queue at my bus-stand but no space to stand in it with pram (without blocking street) so I stood nearby. Because 2 others buses arrived first there was no space for my bus to stop in it's bay... so it stopped near me, doors opened. Some of people in queue slowly started to amble over. I boarded bus before they reached doors (I have pass so no holding anyone up). Elderly couple told me off for jumping the queue!

Did they really expect me to wait by the open doors, for everyone to slowly make their way over, and get on last instead of just getting on? Bus was empty so plenty of space.

I shrugged it off and said it made no difference who got on first, and told them not to be so silly, but they kept on.

AIBU to think they were petty? Or should I have waited?

OP posts:

lovelearning · 23/01/2017 15:13

I do think people should be more tolerant when there's a baby involved.

NettleCake, had you observed social niceties, you would have been first on the bus anyway and everyone would have been happy.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/01/2017 15:14

Queue etiquette is very interesting. We are told that foreigners do not know how to queue, but in France, I have very often been waved to the front with my walking stick. I have seen mothers with small children waved on first too. They seem to have a much more sensible approach to priority rather than a simple first in line.

lovelearning · 23/01/2017 15:14

Cross post with alltouchedout

Bear2014 · 23/01/2017 15:18

YANBU.

You had a pram with you, so there is only one space on the bus you could have occupied. If you are able to get on the bus, touch in and get in your place before they get to the bus, you are doing them a favour by not delaying the departure of the bus! If they had got on first and occupied the pram space, they would have needed to move to make space for you anyway.

The only reason you should have waited is if there were any buggy or wheelchair users in the queue, who would have by rights been entitled to your space.

Some people are ridiculous.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 23/01/2017 15:19

The other people were being silly. You couldn't get in the queue because there was no room and you were considerate enough not to block the street.

The bus stopped near you and you were the nearest so you got on first.

I'd say that''s karma for being considerate in the first place.

And if you have a buggy it's best to let you on first anyway.

morningtoncrescent62 · 23/01/2017 15:27

Depends on the local customs. I know this because I used to live a city where buses stopped as near as they could get to the stop and then people surged on in a free-for-all. Then I moved to where I currently live, where buses will not let you on anywhere except the designated stop, and the etiquette is to queue - also with an expectation that you'll wave any elderly and/or disabled and/or child-carrying people in front of you, only for them to decline with a 'no, you were here first'. Bus boarding can sometimes take a while!! I much prefer the polite way, but if you tried to do that in the city I moved from you'd never have got on the bus.

So whether or not you were U depends on bus manners where you live, I'd say.

morningconstitutional2017 · 23/01/2017 15:29

The etiquette with a queue is usually that those who have been in the queue longest do indeed get on the bus first, even if it means a longer wait in total. Round here you'd turn to the others, smile and say, "You were here first, after you" with an outstretched hand and wait patiently.

Obviously it takes longer but it avoids upsetting other passengers. I can see where you're coming from though.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 23/01/2017 15:32

YANBU OP
When people line up and the bus stops at the front of the queue, then yes you are supposed to wait for your turn.
When the bus stops and there is no queue in front, the person closest to the door enters, common sense no? I never thought about checking who was already waiting at the bus stop when I arrive, so I can make sure to let them in first!

What about people sitting down in the bus stop, are we supposed to register they were there and let them board before us, even though we have been standing "in line" and they weren't?

Original poster

NettleCake · 23/01/2017 15:33

No wheelchairs or other prams waiting.

I accept I may have failed to observe 'social niceties' in this situation. It just seemed common sense to board and get baby in the warm, rather than wait. The rest of the queue were a bus-length away so a bit far to wave me on.

Yes it's happened the other way around too- I've been near front of queue then ended up at back when a bus pulls up in a different place. I don't expect people to wait or remember my queue-position. I see it a bit like when a new till opens in supermarket.

I find people often sit on the fold-down seats even when bus is empty, so I have to ask them to move. Which is awkward and delays others getting on.

OP posts:

purplefizz26 · 23/01/2017 15:36

If there is a clear queue for a particular bus then it is very rude and unreasonable to jump to the front.

At bus stations where there are various buses passing one stop, and people can't queue because it's impossible to know who is waiting for which bus then I think it's a case of just make your way towards the bus when it arrives and form a queue that way.

They were being ridiculous, who would seriously stand and wait till everyone else who wanted to get on had got on if there was no clear queue?

PlushVelvet · 23/01/2017 16:06

I do think people should be more tolerant when there's a baby involved.

Sorry, but it's the other way around when there are elderly people involved. You just wait till you get to 75 or 80 (if you're lucky).

SplendorSolis · 23/01/2017 16:06

I once lived in Spain, the polite English queuing nonsense was knocked out of me (literally) on my first ever foray to a busstop there. In England I cravenly returned to observed the Rulz governing civil social behaviour. In this case ywnbu because you had a pram and were already on board before the slow-moving small queue made it to the point of boarding the otherwise empty bus. Yes, perhaps the exaggerated mime performance might have mitigated your offense but I'm inclined to believe, even had the first elderly person in line graciously mimed a 'go ahead' a 2nd or 3rd such person would have taken umbrage at the the 1st party's presumption in deciding that they were the only person being queue-jumped. Damned whatever you did in other words.

BlurryFace · 23/01/2017 16:17

People don't often queue at bus stops here, they just stand round the bus stop and then queue at the door if there are enough people to bother queuing (often with much waving ahead of mum and kids/elderly/those laden down with luggage etc so what you did sounds fine.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 23/01/2017 16:27

YANBU. If the bus stops by you, you can board first. Perhaps different if bus very full or another pram or wheelchair ahead in queue.

Imaginesthat · 23/01/2017 16:34

I find the bus queue jumping issues boring were all getting on the same bus

Lweji · 23/01/2017 16:44

Sorry, but it's the other way around when there are elderly people involved.

But they were not competing for the same seats and the elderly people were still far from the bus.

PickAChew · 23/01/2017 16:52

I think most us queues are pretty civilised, but I have experienced the bus queue police before - one really annoyed me because I was there before her, but there was no discernible queue and I'd stood in the wrong place. She shouted at me in front of everyone else and I couldn't find anything to counter her telling off with more pithy than a pathetic "well that's news to me!"

Anyhow, in the multiple bus at one stop scenario, if someone doesn't get on first and let the driver know that other people are on in the way, they often end up driving off without them!

Spikeyball · 23/01/2017 17:07

As long as yours was the only pram or wheelchair and you didn't sit in a priority seat, I don't think it mattered.
Someone did this to me once when were at the front of the queue with ds's sn buggy and wouldn't shift. Now that was out of line.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 23/01/2017 17:16

Nah ywnbu under the circumstances. If the bus was jammed and you nicked the last seat and they couldn't get on then they would have a point but, as it is, you didn't inconvenience anyone, especially as you had the pass so they didn't have to wait while you paid so meh!

Original poster

NettleCake · 23/01/2017 18:04

Sorry, but it's the other way around when there are elderly people involved. You just wait till you get to 75 or 80 (if you're lucky)

The elderly people weren't inconvenienced though. There were plenty of seats. I didn't hold anyone up, by the time they reached bus I was sitting down by pram. It was more the principal... they clearly expected me to wait outside the bus in cold even though they weren't ready to get on! I find it v.strange that anyone would begrudge a mum and baby getting on first when it's so cold outside.

OP posts:

AwaywiththePixies27 · 23/01/2017 18:17

The current etiquette here (East Mids) is the elaborate pantomime too

I can't sit or stand for long (old injury) and I can't go and if the queue is large I usually cant hover near the back either as that's generally where all the smokers migrate to and that sets my asthma off.

I hover at the side and wait until everyone else has got on. As pp said, and then I generally wait until someone gestures for me to get on first. If not I suck it up and wait my turn.

Let it go OP. You'll probably never see them again.

barinatxe · 23/01/2017 18:20

The queue means that the first person can choose their position. Everyone knows that buses don't always stop in exactly the same place. I certainly wouldn't barge in front of people, but I don't see any problem with what the OP did. It pays to pick one's position wisely and experience allows you to play the averages. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose out. "Politeness" in this incident wouldn't have meant the other people got on faster, it would just have meant that the boarding process was slower for everyone.

Politeness should work both ways. I let people jump the queue if they look like they are more infirm than I, are struggling with a gaggle of kids or similar. But there is no point being "selfishly polite" and delaying the boarding process to ensure that the first person always gets on first. This is discourteous to the bus driver and to all the other passengers. As you say, the bus was empty, so it's not as if you took a seat away from the people who verbally abused you (which is a damned sight ruder than what you did!).

Similar queue-related thing happened to me last week. I was in Morrison's, there were three checkouts open and there were three people queuing at all of them. I joined one queue, after about three minutes they opened another till so I rushed over to that. Cue glares and "tuts" from the pensioners in the next queue over, apparently I should have let them go in front of me. No idea why; it was pot luck as to which till the shop had decided to open, I happened to be nearest so I moved over. You could argue the person in front of me in the original queue had more "right" but they had already put their shopping onto the conveyor belt.

Politeness is a two-way street, and verbally abusing someone or glaring at them is often ruder than the "offence" that provoked it.

Astoria7974 · 23/01/2017 18:31

Buses won't leave until you've all boarded. Doesn't matter how cold it is, you wait your turn. If it was so cold you were worried about baby why go out in the first place? On tubes or trains people with prams/wheelchairs should be allowed first as they don't tend to wait, but that's different.

LucklessMonster · 23/01/2017 18:41

They were being silly. YANBU

CHJR · 23/01/2017 18:52

Some people (hint, hint) just seem to get all het up about the littlest things. Here in London I can rarely tell where, if anywhere, the queue starts. Too many different routes per stop. For sure who gets a seat matters more than who gets on first anyway?

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