5 year age gap

[booox]

Not really AIBU (sorry!) but I guess I know very few people with five years between their children (though my friend assures me "farmers always seem to have five year age gaps and I always think they're very sensible" )

Both DH and I were 3 years with our siblings - I have to say I didn't always get on with my sister and it did get quite bad at times which I think has had lasting effects for both of us. DH gets on with his now but not when younger and apparently decided to apologise to his younger brother when he was around 20 for how he'd treated him. Another friend with a brother five years older completely idolised him, which sounds lovely!

So in some ways I can see less competition between a bigger ages gap; at the same time there are loads of shared memories which are fabulous because we were closeish in age. So joint family things may be tricky, watching films etc.

I guess I'm just looking for experiences/ perceptions. Not a lot we can physically do about it!

I'm six years older than my brother. We had nothing to do with each other until he was a teenager but I then moved out when he was 15 so it was short lived! We are now 26 and 20 and I see him maybe twice a year, though we text fairly often.

One minute difference between my girls, and we have WWIII here. Every. Single. Day.

1 1/2 Years between my sister and myself, and we fought like cats and dogs all the time. It's only when we hit our late 20s/30s that we became close friends. And now we love each other to bits.

Early days but I have a very nearly 5 year gap between by 2 boys. Oldest is 5 youngest 7 months. So far it's working out brilliantly. DS1 loves his little brother and is old enough to understand that sometimes he might need to wait a minute for me. DS2 thinks DS1 is the best person in the world and he smiles at him the most!
We'll have to see how it goes as they both get older but for the moment it's working

Ilovewillow - any tips on having birthdays close together? My current due date is 4 years, 364 days after DD's due date was.

Seven years between me and my brother, ten years between me and my sister.

It was fine. My sister and I had a different relationship from the relationship you'd have between sisters who were closer in age, obviously - she was working full-time while I was at primary school and I was barely 14 when she got married and left home. Also, the youngest I can remember her being was about 14, and she was quite a difficult teenager, so I think it's fair to say I missed her best years! But she wasn't ever horrible to me.

My brother drove me up the wall when I was a kid as he constantly teased me, but that wasn't anything to do with the age gap. He'd have driven me up the wall however old he was. But he left home when I was 12 and we got on fine after that.

The big age gap meant that obviously I didn't actually play with my siblings as such, and by the time I was in my early teens I was effectively living with my parents as an only child, but that was fine with me.

I have a 5 year age gap between my two DDs, mainly because my older DD was bonkers as a toddler (thinks terrible twos x 1000s!!). I wasn't even sure I was going to have another one, but she did start to calm down gradually when she went to school, so eventually did try for another and there is a 5 year 4 month age gap. In the early years it was lovely because I could have my second DD all to myself during the day, and she was a much easier child as well (thankfully!). The only minor problem then was the cinema, but I just took older DD, and left baby with DH. The only other problem I have now are play parks and soft plays, which my younger DD still likes and older DD doesn't, but again, I just take younger DD on my own (and usually invite one of her friends) and DH stays with older DD, although DD will sit with me and read a book if DH not home.(e.g. school holidays). At the moment, they both love swimming, cinema, climbing/high ropes type activities etc. The only bad thing is that they don't get on AT ALL, but I don't think that's anything to do with the age gap, and all to do with my older DDs personality.

Four and a half years between me and my sister. We are best friends although even now we still bicker and annoy each other. I think the worst time was when I was 14/15/16 and she was 10/11/12.
There is a similar gap between my first two DC and they are not close at all. They are brother and sister have nothing in common.

There is 5 years between me and my older sister and we are very close, im just as close to her as my younger sister who is closer in age.

2.5 years between me and brother, 5 and 10 years between me and my sisters (I'm oldest). Can safely say they are my best friends in the world and the 10 year age gap between me and the youngest (who we sadly lost two years ago) was the strongest bond I've had with anyone bar DD.

DD is 6 so there'll be at least a 7 year age gap. It worries me sometimes that she won't have a comrade as such but really I just think she'll be thrilled if another little one comes along.

Agree that the gaps don't make much difference. There is 5 years between my twin dds and DS (4). All 3 get on (obviously different types of relationship) and I have high hopes they will all be friends. I think there is loads of shared experiences even with a 5 year gap. I have 4 years between me and DB and we have always been close. Its the way the personalities gel together, I have found it helps to have a clear pecking order. I am very bossy with my brother and he teases me and we have fun. One of my twin DDs is clearly in charge, its really obvious, she is bigger than her twin and DS (naturally) and just louder, more effervescent. However, quieter, smaller more laid back twin DD clearly gets everything her own way just by being sweet. They come at the world differently and don't really clash much. DS is still trying to establish his place in the pecking order but suspect he will end up in the middle and slightly indulged by both. I love their interactions and their love for each other.

5yrs between eldest and youngest (4yrs between middle one and youngest - they are 7,6 and 2 now) and they get on great! Plus she thinks he's so cute so he gets away with murder with the both of us

There is 4 days under 4 years and 8 months between me and my Brother. Between DD and DS there is 4 years , 8 months and 11 days so pretty much identical.

My Brother and I used to hate each other. We had a decent patch for a bit then things deteriorated badly with sick parents and it has been dreadful. We're ok now but really it won't take much to tip things over.

My two are fine together. They are at the stage where DD is just an adult so a very different life stage but DS gets on really well with her boyfriend and they all share similar taste in films etc and generally get on.

I think it is an utter lottery and depends on personality. To be fair I think my Mother was very good at setting my Brother and I against each other which hasn't helped.

Five years between me and older DB - we had nothing in common throughout childhood! I thought he was awful. I am sure this had more to do with being (very typically) male and female than age gap. This is just me but I think bigger age gap may be better if same sex - but of course no one can plan that!

However...We grew close in our 20s and see each other all the time now - he lives on the next road. We also share babysitting for our children who are close in age :)

My two are exactly five years apart and it's been lovely to come home after the school run and feed the littlest, put her down for a relaxed nap and then have a cup of tea to myself. Then thoroughly enjoy the after school madness when big one is home.

It was not planned that way and there was lots of heartache in the middle, but it works for us now.

We have a 4y then an 18m gap with my three. My poorly eldest who is 8 and my youngest 3 year old are sat cuddled up with a blanket watching sea monsters on tv. They are brother and sister too!

5 years between me and sister, we don't get on at all, in fact now NC since DP passed away. it was so bad between us I swore I'd only ever have one DC. IN the end i have 2 with 18 years between them. They have a lovely relationship. DS adores his little sister and DD worships her big brother.

I think that part of the problem with sis istat we are both adopted, I'm v academic and easy going, She could cause a row in an empty house and shows symptoms of being a sociopathic narcisist. I feel sorry for her, but can't have anything to do with her anymore as she's completely toxic.

9 year gap between my two (boys 15 and 24). No sibling rivalry (when younger) but now just friendly banter rivalry during golf etc.

It has also meant that neither were pressurised re exam results etc as they are almost different generations - definitely different exams etc.

When first born the older one would carry the baby everywhere - I am surprised he can walk!

I had planned a 3 year age gap, but ended up with 4.5 years. Seems fairly common round here as there have been 3 baby siblings born in DD's reception class already! If I am lucky enough to have a third I will plan at least a 4 year gap this time. It has been so nice having DD able to fully look after herself (well in theory!), and spending quality time just with DS when she is at school. They have just started playing together and adore each other. The biggest downside is doing activities they both enjoy together. Not so bad yet but I can imagine in 5 years time when Ds can't go on any rides etc that DD can it will be difficult.

I'm the eldest with one brother 18 months younger and the other 8 years younger and we all get along like a house on fire.

I'd have thought it had more to do with your eldest's personality than the age gap - most of those I know with large age gaps do happen to have very nurturing personalities, and so get on well with their younger sibling.

It would not have worked with my two - DC1 is cranky at best, they fight constantly, and there's only 3 years between them.
I have my fingers crossed they'll improve with age....

18m between me and my DSis (a v nurturing type) and we definitely did not get on as children, mostly as I was a little shit. All good since we grew up tho!

There's 10 years between me and my brother and 20 years between me and my sister. I love them both.
We intend to have 5 years between our children

I'm 10 years with my younger sister. There were issues at the start but as I got older it got easier. We are very chalk and cheese and my upbringing was very different to hers. However these days it's not really an issue.

4 years between me and Dsis1, 7 years between me and Dbro, 9 years between me and Dsis2. As children we paired off into the "big two and little two", both by our parents and ourselves. Now we're older though, I would say I have more in common with Dbro - same general temperament and sense of humour.

There will be 5y11m between my 2 when baby 2 arrives - I think it should work out ok,but I'll report back in 5 years!!!

Thank you very much for your responses.

The farmer comment I'm a bit about as I grew up in the middle of nowhere and no farmers had 5 year spacings! So quite funny some of you have agreed with my friend!

I know it's going to be mostly personality - my sister and I have never 'hung out' at 3 year spacings so that's not an issue.

I have a twin sister who iam NC with but have two younger brothers with gaps of 6 and 7 years. Ive always been much closer to them and still am many years later.
Being close in age doesnt guarantee a closeness just like some siblings never get on.