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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset about Baby Shower situation?

41 replies

squeakymcgee · 22/01/2017 20:59

New to MN so please go easy on me. I am organising a baby shower, along with 3 other girls for our friend. We had asked her if she wanted one, she did. We checked if anyone else was going to plan one. She said 'no'. We said would your mum like to organise it, she said 'no i'd prefer you girls to do it'. So we get on with the plans, inviting everyone on her list (including her mum). Plans all going well, most people can make it, although i did think the contact list she provided was a little light on people (she has a big family). Anyway, yesterday a post appears on facebook of the mum of said friend, who had organised her a baby surprise baby shower! Alot of people there, some who will be at the one we have organised and some who wont (as they were not on the list we were given). We were not invited or told about this surprise shower. AWBU to be upset by this and think it a bit strange? We have put in alot of effort to organise her baby shower as well as money on deposits, decorations, cake ect & now it feels like the shine has been taken off it all with her mums 'surprise' baby shower taking centre stage. Her mum went to town with it from the photos i can see on FB. 2 baby showers is a bit extravagant or AIBU? Why couldn't her mum combine with what we were doing? Or explain that she really wanted to do it, we would have then taken a step back and let her take the lead. We are all mums and so don't exactly have lots of time on our hands so wouldnt have minded her take over at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

squeakymcgee · 22/01/2017 21:55

Oh yes, not at all upset with our friend, just with her mum.
I think only 2 or 3 may be duplicate guests.
Its just an afternoon tea at a local tea room, with a few games. Deposit is taken off final bill, but we would loose it if we cancel. Deposit was required as its a very popular place.
Her mum does have a history of being interfering and controlling. She is the 'queen bee' of the family. If she had wanted to organise she only had to say.

OP posts:

Original poster

squeakymcgee · 22/01/2017 21:59

Oh totally bovneydazzlers. I wonder how daddy to be will take to the interfering MIL, its a fairly new relationship.

OP posts:

Underthemoonlight · 22/01/2017 22:04

I would just have the tea party the four of you does seem OTT having two baby showers it's as bad as when br Des have several hen party's

PovertyPain · 22/01/2017 22:05

Don't call the shower off. That would be playing right into the mum's hands and the people that are going to yours might resent not being invited to the surprise one. You don't want them resenting your poor friend. I'm sure she was pissed off, if her mum's controlling, but put a brave face on for her guests. Her mum's a cunt.

haveacupoftea · 22/01/2017 22:17

Just ring her and ask what she wants to do.

Aderyn2016 · 22/01/2017 22:22

I would turn yours into a pre baby get together, rather than a shower. So no gift buying from guests, just a nice chilled out gathering of friends.

Twopeapods · 22/01/2017 22:25

Agree that her mums nose has been put out of joint. Speak to your friend to ask what she wants to do. Very bad of mum not to say when she got an invite. I'd be quite hacked off TBH and would be inclined to cancel. Although if you cancel you're not even invited to her mums one!

mirokarikovo · 22/01/2017 23:23

I'm normally a bit critical of baby showers but what consenting adults do between themselves is their own business and I agree the mother's behaviour is annoying. Keep the venue booking but differentiate your event from the "shower" concept as much as possible. You can't have too much of good friends getting together to have some enjoyable time together.

AmeliaJack · 22/01/2017 23:28

How odd. Serious one upmanship.

Given your second post I do wonder if the Mum to be would prefer a shower with her as the focus rather than her Mum.

I'd double check your friend wants to go ahead and what to do about the cross over guests.

Go with whatever she wants.

BadLad · 23/01/2017 00:49

I'm normally a bit critical of baby showers but what consenting adults do between themselves is their own business

Are you sure you aren't confusing baby showers with golden showers?

MommaGee · 23/01/2017 00:59

Pmsl @ BadLad

OP has friend said what she wants to do? Id go ahead but confirm with double attendees if they still want to come. Venuecwill be understanding about you cancelling a couple of seats. Supriaed one of those didn't mention it to you.
How close are you to your friend?

Only1scoop · 23/01/2017 01:02

I'd cancel 100 percent

SplendorSolis · 23/01/2017 01:51

I live in the USA, where baby and bridal showers are the cultural norm, and even here two showers is very rare unless one is a small one thrown in the workplace by workmates for someone on her last day before maternity leave. To be fair, here, it is generally the grandma to be or the baby's aunt or another close relative who would throw it so a grandma to be might feel like she'd had her toes trodden a bit in the scenario described here. All things considered though, if the only crossover is three guests, I honestly don't see a problem with having two showers as long as the crossover guests aren't expected to fork out twice for gifts.

DeadMorose · 23/01/2017 01:59

I wouldn't cancel, but I would uninvite her Mum.

AmberLav · 23/01/2017 02:18

You can't cancel it! Then the mum has completely won, and your friend doesn't get the shower she wants! And I speak as a detester of baby showers, but you have organised it, your friend wants it, and it's just the passive aggressive mother who has spoilt the occasion. So passive aggressively invite her still whilst mentioning "just like you wanted" every hour or so.

scottishdiem · 23/01/2017 02:22

Speak to the mum and the two or three duplicate guests to see what they think. If the mum in particular is happy for it to go ahead with this different group of people then I would probably go ahead with it (telling the duplicates that they dont need to buy a 2nd present obviously).

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