AIBU - mobile phones at parties...

[gribak]

My DD had a birthday party a few weeks ago, 11 and 12 year olds, they went on an outing and then back to our house for a sleepover (8 friends in total.) 2 girls arrived with mobile phones, the rest didn't. The few hours out was great, but when we got home, the two girls with phones proceeded to spend the whole next hour or so on Instagram sitting together on the sofa and in my DDs bedroom on their phones, not joining in or talking to anyone else - apart from talking to each other. The rest of the kids were trying to include them, but they were just disinterested. At times I turned the wifi off and then they joined in, but as my DS was studying for college and needed the internet for work, I couldn't switch the wifi off for long. Getting fed up at their rudeness, I then nicely said "5 more minutes on all phones, then we have them in for the rest of the sleepover. " They were fine about handing them in, and from then onwards everyone had a great time.

I would like to avoid this happening in the future - has anyone dared to say on invites "please no mobile phones?" The 11/12 year olds seem so addicted to Instagram, and I just wanted my DD to have an old fashioned party where they all actually spoke to each other, rather than stare at screens!

AIBU??

No, no you really don't.

That's a new one on me. I'm responsible for minors in my house but I have no right to control their access to the internet, no right to make sure they're safe from bullies and pornography. Also no right to make sure MY kids are safe from bullies and images I don't want my kids to see from their friend's phone. Yep, that sure is a new one.

And as I said upthread, I simply wouldn't invite any child whose parent had that attitude. I'd be prepared for my kids to risk ostracism.

That's a new one on me. I'm responsible for minors in my house but I have no right to control their access to the internet, no right to make sure they're safe from bullies and pornography. parents responsibility to make the decision to allow their child a mobile phone. You don't get to control their access to the internet, if their parents are happy to allow that then that is entirely their decision. Would you remove a child's bike because you didn't like bikes and they might get hit by a car? Of course not. Not your decision.

Also no right to make sure MY kids are safe from bullies and images I don't want my kids to see from their friend's phone. they see each other's phones outside

And as I said upthread, I simply wouldn't invite any child whose parent had that attitude. That works well then because I wouldn't allow my child to go to a sleepover and be told they are not allowed to use their phone. Saying you wouldn't want your child exposed to bullies but lording it over other kids for something their parents allow

Funny how when we used to go to sleepovers as children mobile phones did not even exist!! Now they HAVE to have one with them in case they need to text home? We have a landline.... they can use it anytime... The two girls who were on phones all the time we have known since they were in nappies - we know the parents well...

Our secondary school actively discourages mobiles on school trips where they spend nights away - and sometimes thats for a whole week...

Funny how when we used to go to sleepovers as children mobile phones did not even exist!! Now they HAVE to have one with them in case they need to text home? as long as I have been a parent I have enjoyed the luxury of being able to communicate with my teens when they are out and about. Just because people used to do things without a phone does not mean that we should all accept no communication now. That's such a backwards attitude.

There's no point in saying "oh we all managed without mobile phones". My parents got by without telly, fridges, landlines, indoor toilets and a whole load of other stuff that are essential to modern life.

I totally agree with what you're saying Op. I imagine the girls' parents don't even realise that's what they'd do in your house though. To be fair it's not Just teenagers. Next time you're in a restaurant, look around at the tables and see how many people are looking at their phones and not talking to the people they are with! It's mad.