Normal or unreasonable/PND

[StrugglingFirstTimeMum]

I gave birth 4 weeks ago to my lovely DS. My AIBU is around the way I feel about my body and relationship. I just HATE my post-section body, and it's making me feel like my OH wouldn't be with me off it weren't for the baby. Her hasn't said this, it's all from the way I feel. I look like shit most of the time, I don't know how to dress myself with this stupid lower belly overhang over my scar, and while I'm clean (just!), with a demanding newborn (feeding constantly) my personal grooming doesn't run to hair or make-up. I'm living in leggings and long t-shirts and cardigans (easy access for breastfeeding). I feel like a frump, and I can't see that my OH or anyone would find me attractive as I am right now.

This is making me really oversensitive about my relationship, and I just feel awful. I couldn't imagine showing my partner my naked body. I can't imagine when/if I'm ever going to feel up to that.

Is this normal? Considering that I'm just four weeks from giving birth, can I blame this on normal hormones? Or is it PND? Or just completely reasonable when you're two-three sizes bigger than pre-pregnancy with a section "apron"?

Difficult conception, pregnancy and birth and all completely worth it for our little boy, and I'm really aware how shallow this sounds. But I don't feel like myself and I'm finding it very upsetting.

Very normal! Exactly the same for me I think I felt better around 6-12 weeks very gradually. You can move a lot easier and get around by yourself better. Don't put any pressure on yourself to look like anything, you're keeping a tiny baby alive and that's all you need to worry about xx

Completely normal. Please don't stress yourself or put any extra pressure on yourself at this point. You have just done something amazing. If your husband is anything like mine, he will be in awe of what you have done and at the little boy you have given him.

I felt exactly the same. I was embarrassed for DH to see me naked and hid myself away when getting changed etc. I hated my new body and couldnt understand how anybody wouldnt be repulsed by the sight of me. I didn't feel better until 4 months later, when I started antidepressants and got the motivation to start exercising/dieting.

I think breastfeeding negatively affected me as well psychologically as I just felt like a big fat cow whose only function is to make milk. And any sort of attempted intimacy my DH attempted which involved touching my breasts was an inatant turn off (not that the thought of him touching the rest of me turned me on..).

I'd visit the doctor and discuss how you are feeling. If you have PND like I did then getting it treated earlier will save you a world of pain! I wish I had reached ot sooner. Your body will recover, be kind to yourself x

Totally normal. I gave birth almost 12 weeks ago and I feel the same. I hate my body, and have a really saggy belly. Can't wear any of my usual clothes because I'm breastfeeding. I'm just living in jeans and layered tshirts which makes husband hates :(

Totally normal. The 'apron' does get better with time. I'm almost 15 months pp andits so slight I don't notice it.

Definitely normal. It can take an awfully long time to adjust to the changes in your body. I hated my tits for about a year after giving birth! How is your mood generally? It might be worth asking DH if he thinks you seem OK.

Your last paragraph really struck a chord with me. We took 3 years to conceive DS, and I felt so guilty about how much I struggled at first. I thought, "But this is exactly what I wanted - I should be happier than this!". It is one of the reasons it took me so long to get help (I did have PND).

Give yourself a break, you will recover and brighter days are ahead of you. So much to look forward to!

Thanks all, there's solidarity in feeling like it's a normal reaction. I don't know what I expected my body to be like, feel like I wasn't prepared for this.

chops agree about the breastfeeding, I do feel like a big cow. From incubator to cow!

Also good to hear that the apron improves. I was pretty fit pre- and early pregnancy so I'm hoping to pick up exercise again when I can (if I can find the time). Just walking and buggy-pushing for now.

I never anticipated feeling like this, really thought I would be able to rise above the physical effects because I'd have my baby. But then I also thought I'd be an "earth mother" type when pregnant and nothing could be further from the truth!

mrsmeeseeks it's not a bad idea to ask DH how I seem, can guess I seem oversensitive at the moment.

Is it your first baby? Nothing can prepare you for it, tbh. You may feel as though you have left your old self behind but you will get her back.

Exercise is a brilliant idea. Everything will seem better once those endorphins are pumping.

Keep posting on here if you need support. We've all been there!

Yes, first baby - everything is new! And everything has changed from life as it was, often in a wonderful way, but and elements I'm struggling with. Thank you for your support, means a lot.

I felt like my body was ruined. I had a bad tear and the usual belly and saggier boobs. Now 10 months on I'm happier with my body (still need to sort out the massive belly!) At one point I had had enough and wore jeans and my normal tops layered on top of a feeding vest. I suddenly felt so much more 'me' and that I looked better. You are still very early days and are probably in a fog of tiredness. However if you have Any concern about PND, definitely speak to your GP or health visitor.

It's early days. Of course your body will recover and improve. Time and gentle exercise when you are ready will make a difference and your confidence will come back.
I doubt your OH was only with you for your body so talk to him so he can reassure you. If you feel down or anxious, do see your GP or HV, although what you are feeling is pretty normal after having a baby, whether it's a section or not.

You only had your baby a heartbeat ago. I wouldn't expect to look or feel normal for a while ago. I don't think I was remotely interested in whether DH found me attractive at that stage.

Congratulations on your new baby 💐
My DS was born 22 months ago and all I can say is that nothing can prepare you for being a first time mum. I felt as though the rug had been pulled from underneath my feet/I'd been run over by a bus when I had DS, I too had a Csection and despite reading all the books felt completely overwhelmed by being a mum. On top of this there was all the changes to my body that I had to get use to. From your post, you sound completely normal but there is no harm in speaking to your hv or GP if that would put your mind at rest about PND.
This is such early days for you and your lo and you sound as though you are doing a great job so please don't worry about things. I found things started calming down baby and body wise around the 12 week mark which will come around before you know it. I also think being open with my DH about how I felt about things and my body looked helped a lot.

chocness what a lovely post, thank you. I really appreciate it and look forward to the end of the "fourth trimester" both for me and the baby.

I think I do need to speak to DH, have been putting it off because I've been thinking he will just think I'm making a big deal of nothing, but again that's my thoughts, not anything he's said. Just need to bite the bullet and have that conversation.