To not go to the races

[FuzzyBoots]

A good friend of mine made birthday plans. They sounded great and I agreed to them all and committed myself to the days.

Original plans were poo-pooed by attendees and so they all agreed on a day at the races instead of original plans. I don't approve of the races. I'm not a horse owner, but I have many friends who do and who have seen dreadful things. It may not be first hand evidence, but attending the races and buying tickets is not something I am comfortable with.

Since saying I can no longer attend due to change of plans, I've been told I'm just being petty and to stop making life difficult - I would appreciate that if I was asking for a change in plans but I am not? I am perfectly happy for them all to go to the races and me not attend if that's what majority would like. AIBU not to go if it's against my views?

I've refused to go for the same reasons as you and received similar comments. 'They'll still go ahead without you so you might as well come' was another one. I had to bite my tongue about what a fucking terrible attitude to the world I think that is.

I put it down to the others feeling uncomfortable and somewhat guilty, and turning that round on me. I don't think they had thought about the realities of horse racing before, and me feeling strongly enough to refuse to go was a bit of a shock.

YANBU. You agreed to original plans not these plans. Explain to birthday friend - the rest can fuck off and mind their own.

What were the original plans just out of interest?

I think you can absolutely say "sorry, I hate racing, so I won't be coming, have a lovely day".

No need to lie or make up excuses.

I'd be bored out my brain attending a horse race, so wouldn't attend on that basis alone. Your point about horse treatment is equally valid, and you are not being unreasonable to give it a miss. If anyone has a problem with that, they are the ones being unreasonable, not you.

I find the use of animals in circuses to be abhorrent so I'd never attend one. If anyone ever invited me to a circus I'd have no hesitation in being honest in the reason for my decline and no one would be able to make me attend, no matter how 'petty' it might seem to them.

Stick to your guns!

I have been invited to the races many times (lived in Cheltenham for a while) and always said no for the same reasons as you op. Sometimes I don't want to get into a debate about the cruelty involved so my excuse is to tell people that I once bet on a horse and it died as a result of the race, so I vowed never to bet on a horse again. It's not true, I've never bet on a horse, but it makes the point that horse racing can be brutal, but without coming across as judging the choices of others who want to go.

YANBU. Pretty horrible of them to belittle your thoughts/ feelings too.

YANBU. DP missed a close friend's birthday for similar reasons.