AIBU to think that kids shouldn't play war?

[MrsMulder]

Ds came home with a toy he won in school this week (he is 4) it was a toy soldier and he loves it. I hate it, don't understand why kids should play 'war' I don't like him playing with guns and wouldn't get him a police playmobil set because it had guns in it. Guns exist to kill people or things, they are not toys and I can't stand ds playing games where people get hurt. I admit that maybe I am over precious, DH thinks it's all part of learning about the world and that war is a part of life, always has been and always will be. Please help settle this argument and side with me

You're seeing it with adult eyes. To kids, playing goodies and baddies is part of the process of rationalising the world around them.
Teach them kindness and compassion for others - and model by example.

Children use play to work through problems and understand the world. DS knows about what's happening in Syria because they talk at school, and now he's very worried about the poor people in 'fighting countries' and that the UK is going to become one, and this is reflected in his play. Unfortunately, we can't keep the horrors of the world from them forever but war and gun play help them work through some very awful realities.

Children use play to work through problems and understand the world. DS knows about what's happening in Syria because they talk at school, and now he's very worried about the poor people in 'fighting countries' and that the UK is going to become one, and this is reflected in his play. Unfortunately, we can't keep the horrors of the world from them forever but war and gun play help them work through some very awful realities.

Interesting reading here OP.

books.google.co.uk/books/about/We_Don_t_Play_with_Guns_Here.html?id=u7EoAAAAYAAJ&redir_esc=y

I tend to think 'no' they shouldn't and have such didn't let my boys have toy guns, even Nerf. I'd suggest other games but didn't outright 'ban' war type games. They'd often play sword fights with sticks when walking. For some reason, this seemed fine.

I don't allow it at school. A blanket ban. A god reason for that is those games tend to involve jumping around corners, running forward while looking backward... lots of things that cause bumped heads, accidental thumps to each other and that kind of thing. When playing football or similar, their tend to be more aware of the other children around them and less likely to bang each other.

I played with toy guns when I was young.

I have never owned a real gun.

I am not a serial killer.

My two lads have played with guns when they were young and they show no signs of being disordered or anything.

Playing was in not inevitable. In isolated tribes where they are not at war, children do not play war games.
But children inevitably play what they see. Our culture is full of men fighting with guns. So it is not surprising boys especially play like this. We do not raise our kids alone, even if we wish we did.

Playing war...I mean

I did it 30 years ago as a kid and I'm sure my parents did it to. I don't think it's a problem.

My nephews weren't going to be allowed to play war/ guns... their parents bowed to the inevitable after being "shot" with a ruler. They soon realised that the DCs were going to play that way with any available item.

I suppose that in the days before guns, it would have been bows and arrows. Such play was part of life skills like hunting. Today, items like water guns and nerf guns are good for active play and hand-eye coordination. They're learning self discipline and boundaries- sometimes people are willing to join in, sometimes you have to respect that people don't.

Many parts of the country struggle with gun crime, and guns do harm when misused, but play is an important part of developing understanding of boundaries, history, respect etc. Given the popularity and instinct for this sort of play, there is no correlation between children who play this way and those who will use guns in adult life.

A little boy called Peter used to play war with the neighborhood boys, many years ago. That little boy would grow up to become Peter I "the Great" Alekseyevich of Russia, and his little chums that took part in his games would grow up to become the Preobrazhensky Guard, one of the most famous regiments of the Russian Army. I mean... that was in the 1690s. But I agree with a PP that play is an important part of developing understanding of boundaries, history, respect etc.

Given who is currently President of the United States, there is unfortunately a better than average chance that war could happen. I think as long as there's a clear boundary between the game and real life for the children playing, war games are (probably) just part of growing up.

We do not raise our children alone. Our culture raises them too.

In isolated tribes where they are not at war, children do not play war games.

Yes they do actually. Obviously a child who has no concept of a gun won't play at gun fighting, but the play fight, play sword fight, play archery/catapult/stone throwing/etc. All most all young children play fight. So do young chimps/kittens/pups/cubs/gorrillas/etc. It's an essential component of play. It reduces aggression and frustration, teaches children how to regulate their emotions, work through issues, learn their bodily limits, makes them less likely to hurt others, is an empathy learning tool. In general it's a more useful form of play for boys though many girls also get a lot out of it.

Banning such play is pointless because they will do it anyway. And damaging because you are teaching them that their natural urges are shameful and wrong, minimising their ability to learn the necessary lessons we have evolved to learn from this type of play. So please, please, please let your children play as they need to. Then talk to them (but not down to them) about why war is horrific and real guns are not a good thing. I hate watching my son play guns, it makes me feel horrible. But I also remember how much I loved playing such games well into my teens and I still enjoy martial arts training and sparring. And yet by my early teens I was a staunch pacifist, an anti-war activist. As an adult my career was in charity work.

No rough and tumble seems natural play, but other types is learned from our culture. And the fact it is learned, means that boys engage in it far more. But no family is an island.

When DS plays soldiers and is "killed" ...

Simply take him inside and put him in his room away from everyone else. They explain that now he is "dead" he can't play any more because when you are dead..... you are just that. Put the icing on it by telling him you don't have to cook him any supper. ow he is "dead"...

I think playing is a way kids get their head around things and helps the, learn and understand.

My sister has a policy with toy guns and her little boy - they have to look like toys, not realistic. Green flashy alien blaster guns fine, realistic looking toy hand gun less so. As far as play mobile goes - some bad people carry guns and police carry guns to protect themselves from said people, it's part of their equipment, I wouldn't worry about it.

By taking a certain topic off the table you are shrowding it in mystery and

So young animals engage in rough and tumble play as well. This is often about learning to sort out who is dominant in herd animals. So is natural.

In cultures where no one is ever at war, children do not need to learn about war. Children play act things that are useful for them to learn about or that they need to learn to deal with and cope with emotionally. So children who have lived in a war zone will play specifically about that, to deal with their feelings.

I do not think there is any point banning guns. I do think talking about the realities of guns and war in an age appropriate way, is a good idea.

I played with soldiers and Cowboys and Indians as a child,DSis and I had cap guns,and when I was 10 ish I actually made myself a machine gun out of bits of wood!
At the same time I was rescuing worms cos it bothered me that they lay on the paths and got squashed and I didn't want them to die.
I have grown up into a pretty pacifist adult,in our house we don't use violence to solve problems,and I want my DC to be kind and solve their problems peacefully if at all possible.
So I don't think it's playing with the toys /guns whatever that's important ,it's what you are teaching your children about them and about dealing with problems.I'd care far more about violent film/ television/computer games,and actually find it had to understand why filmic descriptions of murder or torture are "entertainment"
( I'm a woman by the way)

As a child in the 70s, I played with Action Men, we used to use sticks or toy guns to play 'army'; it was one of my favourite games. As I grew older, I built Airfix models of tanks and warplanes, and played with soldiers. Boys comics during that era were mostly about war. I will still play war related games now.
Nobody I knew grew up to be violent. I certainly am not.

Yabvvu and very precious. A Playmobile set and water pistol, serious!

Overthinking it op and by banning things like toy guns you make them more attractive.

My friend banned sweets and chocolate and of course by the time her dd was old enough to access them herself she gorged and was a fat teenager.

I played with guns in the 70s, my dss did and my dds and they and I are all completely normal adults