To tell a friend this is a very bad idea...

[BantyCustards]

A friend of mine who recently separated from her DH (very rocky relationship with DV involved) has admitted to me that their child was conceived without her STBX's consent/knowledge.
She's thinking of telling STBX - mainly I think because she's angry with him.

She's a grown up and has to make her own choices but I want to tell her I think it's a bad idea and will only inflame things further.

AIBU?

Shall I wind up a man who is violent towards me, and potentially give him, in his mind a reason to continue his violence towards me and potentially my defenseless child?

FUCK, NO.

Yes, tell her it is a bad idea and could endanger her and her child further.

She needs to get free of this violent man, make sure her child is safe and start her safer future. Petty actions to get back at him will not help her.

BantyCustards "I think what she's trying to do is regain some semblance of control" Ask her to get in touch with Women's Aid and a good solicitor and to get the best divorce settlement she can, that is her way of getting back control.

Totally agree with Allthebestnamesareused.

The safety of this woman and her child is the main concern here.

Women who have been traumatized by men in a marriage with violence do sometimes make bad choices. Just encourage her to be wise. her secret, never to reveal. So much better for her and child.

She has been traumatised - I don't think she even knows who she is anymore. She keeps opening herself up to further attacks and I fear if she does this she (and her child) will pay a hefty price.

She's not in a good place to take any advice - I don't know what to do

Awful idea unless she enjoys vitriol and drama and would like to encourage further abuse from her ex.