to ask what your children's worst toddler trantrums were, and how you dealt with it?

[ollieplimsoles]

DD is our pfb, she's nearly 15 months and has always been quite a loud, demanded and spirited little blighter.

Lately she has started throwing herself on the floor when her toys wont do what she wants, snatching, screaming and pointing at things and generally being very short tempered.

I think we are on the way to some tantrums but I have no idea of the best way to handle things, I have anxiety and would probably get very flustered in public. I watch the mums of the older kids at play groups deal with their kids to get some ideas, but I really want to know if anyone can remember a particularly bad tantrum, and how they dealt with it?

Don't have time to RTFT. My best strategies are:

• avoid tantrums: make sure child is fed, watered, rested, had enough attention and cuddles

• if a tantrum seems on the way: I crouch down to him and say 'let's discuss'. I ask him what he wants, and offer him solutions that address his wants in a way that works for me too. Can't think of great examples off the top of my head, but say, he wants to jump up and down in his toddler bed at bedtime. I say no, he is jumping harder - I explain his bed might break if he keeps jumping and he won't have anywhere to sleep then, but I offer him a few jumps on my bed, which has more solid slats and a thicker mattress. I stress that it must be only a few jumps and that's it. That sort of thing tends to work.

• Alternatively, and even better, come up with a way to make him laugh. Act silly, make up a game - the moment he starts giggling, you've won.

I have also found that the parenting advice on here tends to be good: www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/discipline-managing-toddler

My eldest daughter had a meltdown in Asda because she wanted some sweets that were at the checkout. I refused and she polished the floor with her back for what seemed like an hour but was probably 20 mins. She was about 22 months as I was 38 weeks pregnant so couldn't pick her up or get near her as she was kicking out. The worse bit was it was pension day so Asda was full of old people half telling me to smack her, half telling me this wouldn't have happened in their day.
I just stood it out as it was the only thing I could do. The manager finally came over and asked if I needed a doctor - I answered 'for me or her?!' I did get to say that can we please have an aisle with no sweets on. Next time I went he had a non sweet aisle! Result!

...and funnily enough she never had a tantrum at all after that.

My ten year old and three year old can both be brought out of tantrums by reading to them. Dr Seuss for the little one. Creature Keepers and the Hijacked Hydro Hide for my big guy.

Other than that try cuddles, food and understanding. (Whatever would help you if you were upset.)

My Dad got on the floor and had a tantrum himself. My 2 year old DS said in a horrified voice "Grandpa, stop that!" DS has never tantrummed for my Dad since.

DD1 was quite a placid child. When she had her first tantrum I was having none of it. I picked her up and tried to quieten her down, she flailed about and knocked my glasses onto the floor. I shouted "Where are my glasses?!" She stopped yelling pointed to them serenely and then started yelling again. I picked up a glass of water that was on a nearby table and told her I was going to throw it at her if she didn't calm down. She kept yelling so I threw it in her face. She stopped yelling, we went to the bathroom and as I was changing her wet clothes I explained that throwing a strop like she had done wasn't nice, it was a waste of time and it just upset everyone. "Yes", she said, "It was really quite atrocious". (Mary Poppins anyone?). She was 2. She never had another tantrum again (unless you count the teenage ones now...)

When DS was about 2 he had a huge meltdown in Sainsbury's.
DD was with me and she was 6, she was actually really really good at calming him down and even used to get up in the night if she thought I was struggling ( DH worked away a lot) and try to help.
When he had his epic meltdown she went over and carefully pushed him out of the middle of the aisle with her foot, told him he was being a silly baby and then sat on the floor next to him - she actually said " it's ok mummy you just keep shopping and I will stay here with him"
Obviously I didn't but I sat down next to her and we chatted until DS calmed down and we carried on
Even now they are 8 and 11 he fears her disapproval more than anyone else's!!!

I think it's so easy for tantrums to escalate when all you want is for your child to calm down. I agree with the people who have said ignore. Especially when out in public. Luckily, DD is 3 and hasn't had too many public tantrums but we have a rule whereby she knows I will not interact with her until she is calm. Even if I have to remove her from somewhere, the only interacting I would do is crouch down to her level and say "remember mummy won't talk to you about this until your calm". Once she does calm down, I encourage her to talk about how she's feeling and why she's upset/what has upset her and we talk it through in a nice calm way with a cuddle. I find that now, even if she's really upset about something and past the point of me being able to distract her, I just need to remind her to stay calm and I can see how hard she tries to stay calm. She understands her emotions quite well like she knows all about anger and frustration, sadness etc and can now identify them quite well because we've always discussed it. If she's had a lack of sleep and starts being stroppy, I'll remind her that she's feeling grumpy because she's tired and I think she feels more control over it all because she understands why she feels the way she feels. I remember one time she didn't want us to leave her friends house. I was heavily pregnant and I had to carry her home kicking & screaming. That was the worst tantrum I dealt with. When calming her down didn't work, I just had to pick her up and carry her for the 5 minute walk. People were staring but I just stayed calm and for her home. Once home, I popped her on her bed and calmly told her she needed to stay there until she had calmed down. Hope this helps :)

Avoid tantrum triggers like hunger or tiredness. If going to a restaurant go a bit before normal meal times so that any delays in ordering or getting food don't mean a drop in blood sugar and resulting tantrum.

A tantrum in public means immediate removal from the area to a quiet area or the car. Then let them get on with it because once a tantrum starts the red wave of rage has descended and they are incapable of listening to reason. If someone suggest smacking, don't bother, someone in that state won't even notice.

If at home, place the child in a safe area and leave them to it. I asked the pediatrician what to do as DD had started head banging the carpeted floor when annoyed. He told me that she'd stop when it hurt. The next week she head butted the washing machine. Head butting stopped.

If your child starts following you around and tantrumming get the vacuum cleaner out. Either they will hate the noise and go back to the safe area or you won't be able to hear the shrieking and will be able to get some housework done.

When your child is older tell them 'you can do that in your room as nobody wants to listen to it', or send them upstairs 'for a nap'. If they tell you 'I don't need a nap' reply 'then stop acting like you need a nap'.

There are too many to mention with DS. I think it peaked at about 2.5 but at 3.5 they're still pretty frequent. Oddly enough, his worst ones have been at home, I can't remember anything too bad out in public. They seem to occur when he can't quite get the words out, even though he is quite a good talker. He'll be telling me something and I will be listening intently and suddenly he will stop mid sentence and start shouting and crying. I try really hard to ignore it but he does hit me or his brother, or goes around throwing things, pulling all clothes out of drawers or books off bookcases and slamming doors repeatedly. So annoyingly I can't really leave him to it. Distraction only worked when he was younger and I don't want to just fill him up with snacks to preempt a hunger based one. I would say I handle it ok about fifty percent of the time. It's definitely getting easier now with better communication and his brother seems much calmer so I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

One time when DD2 was about 15m we were at a playgroup and she was trying to push a toy baby buggy through French doors but there was a lip on the doorway and the wheels kept getting caught. I tried various methods to show her/lift it for her and she'd go through but then she would come back and try again, shoving the buggy wheels against the lip of the door over and over again, shouting in frustrated rage and occasionally getting down on the ground for a good wail and a beating of the floor. Then she'd get up and try again. This went on for about 45 minutes. She left snack time to go back to it. At the end I had to prise the buggy handle from her hands so we could go home. She shouted in rage all the way home and when we got in I gave her an Ashton and Parsons teething powder (IDK why they calmed her down, I think it was the feeling of Something Being Done) and then held her till the rage muted down into crying and then she was OK. Then we went back the next week and did it all aver again. After about a month she learned how to lift first the front and then the back buggy wheels to get the buggy through the door and we were all very glad. She's a sweet kid now at 4 but she was a phenomenon - whenever her nursery key worker was off and the boss had to look after her she'd ask me to wish her luck.

I would say with tantrums the key is to remember that they're not trying to wind you up (not at that age), they're just struggling to deal with all the emotion. If they are hungry, tired or bored that can spark them off so plan around that/don't feel too bad if they chuck a mental at the end of e.g. the supermarket run. Distraction is good if you think they're about to kick off but they haven't yet. Empathising and naming the emotion can help ("it's so annoying, isn't it? You're so angry at this!"), and also just letting them get on with it. I really believe that little kids this age need to know that their anger is acceptable - they can learn to choose their behaviour when they are a bit older and more socially aware but little toddlers are experiencing strong emotions that might even scare them and they need to know from you that it's no big deal, that there's nothing wrong with that and that there is a way back to normality from being that out of control. You go have to have a skin like an elephant though,cos people do look, but most of the time they're just reminiscing about their own kid's tantrums (I certainly am!)

DS is 7 now and can still throw a good tantrum if he's overtired, hungry or needs a wee and doesn't want to stop what he's doing. He can at least now usually be reasoned with or will do what he's told to, to get him out of that state.

I found when he was little, often I just had to let the tantrum run it's course particularly once he was past 2 as distraction or talking to him did nothing but make him angrier. He just has a very big temper and is quite rigid in how he thinks things should be - not a good combination for a child!

He had tantrums both at home and outside. His best inside one was an hour of screaming because we'd come in through the front door instead of the back door. He eventually fell asleep on the floor for 20 mins then when he woke up, carried on screaming for another hour before it just petered out.

His best outside was probably when we went out for a meal with DH's parents who did nothing to help and insisted we stayed at the restaurant. DS was 2.5 and just in a vile mood that day. I took him out at least 7 times because he was kicking off so much but then he'd try to run away down the busy street outside. It was pretty horrendous. He eventually calmed down when the food arrived.

Avoid avoid if possible here.
So we don't go out when DC is already tired, we do stealth ninja runs to the shops rather than lazy ambles, and with a slightly older child, we keep the best to last and keep reminding them all the way through that there's cake/McDonald's/going to see grandma/whatever afterwards. But that doesn't work with a younger child who is just going to want that immediately.

Distraction right before it begins - if I can spot it in time then a sudden "oh look!" at something in the window, or a tickle attack.

During it, a variety of picking up and moving away (to reduce the audience), sitting beside actively empathising - naming emotions, describing what's happening. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it makes it worse. If that makes it worse, I walk away, tell them I'm doing something else but I'll be back in a minute to see if they are finished.

Wine and chocolate. For me not her!

And trying to reduce frustrations beforehand if I can. So for eg we love cooking/baking. But with one child the process of waiting for things to cook us just too much. So o bake during nap time, have the icing all ready, then they can just go wild with decorating.

For a child who wants everything in the cleaning cupboard, I'd clear out another kitchen cupboard and make sure it just has Tupperware and saucepans, and then let them go mad with that cupboard when you're in the other ones (for your sanity, make this the cupboard farthest from the cooker!). I might get a little spray bottle and fill it with wAter so she can squirt and clean when you do.

Sometimes though? They're just going to tantrum no matter what. And all you can do is wait for it to pass. And hopefully if she's starting early she'll be through the worst of it before she's too heavy to pick up!

One thing. If you find yourself getting beyond furious at her for being so ferociously unreasonable, put her in her cot or playpen and walk away for a few minutes. She'll be safe, even if she's screaming, and of you take a few minutes yourself you'll be calmer when you re-enter the fray. Better to shut the door, breathe deeply, and find your calm, than to lose the plot completely.

When my dd was about 3,we went on a lovely walk and spent a long time feeding the sucks at the fuck pond.after that we walked a while more to catch the ferry.but as she realised we were going she threw a massive tantrum as she wanted to say goodbye to the ducks.she was screaming and laid down on the floor refusing to move until we went to say goodbye to the ducks with a bright red face and tears running down.
so I said to her that ducks have really good hearing and they will be able to hear her say goodbye from where we were.
to my amazement she actually accepted it,got up from the floor and said "goodbye duckies" with a little wave.

Oh dear-ducks at the duck pond.
damn auto correct

I agree that it depends on the child - you have to find a technique that works for them.

My eldest wasn't particularly prone to tantrums but threw a couple of epic ones; the 40 minute meltdown in IKEA when he was 2 still makes me blanch. Entirely my fault, missed every cue that he was hungry and in need of a nap, in pursuit of a bloody bookcase. Just had to wait that one out with the entire store (or so it felt) looking and tutting. The staff were quite sweet and tried to give him stuffed toys which didn't help as he launched them like missiles. Generally, though, he was quite textbook and making sure he was safe and then removing attention from him worked quite quickly.

Try to avoid the triggers, tiredness, hunger, over stimulation.

My youngest will throw a tantrum at the slightest provocation. Things that help with him are countdowns, mostly. So, in 10 minutes we will be leaving the park; in 5 minutes, you will need to get off the swings; in 2 minutes, we're going to put our coats on; in 1 minute, we're going to leave the park and we'll feed the squirrels on the way home, type of thing.

If it's too late, ignoring him doesn't really work - he needs direct intervention - distraction, talking him down, and being held tightly when he's beyond the point of all reason to keep him safe and help centre him.

But it doesn't last forever - even though it feels like it will. Breathe. Count in your head and remember that it's probably quite scary for them to be so out of control and they need you to help them manage that emotional outburst.

One day when I was extra tired and overwhelmed, and DD started a screaming, thrashing fit on the floor, I put my head in my hands and whispered a few swear words to myself. When she caught sight of me she thought I was crying. She immediately stopped, toddled over to me and patted my back, and said "Better? Mummy? Yes?"

For subsequent hissy fits, I feigned tears every time and it worked like a charm until she wised up. After that it was just straight to time out, do not pass go. We even had a designated "naughty chair" at soft play.

Just try to keep your head. And don't give in!

Some of the best advice I've had is to remember HALT.
This stands for:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

They may be tantrumming about something that seems insignificant like the wrong cup, but there's usually an underlying reason why they're so easily upset, and it's quite often a treatable cause. With the L for Lonely- they might be with you, but just needing more hugs or interaction or they may be bored. Sometimes Toilet might be another letter you could add to this for older toddlers.

The amount of times I've resolved tantrums by adminstering weetabix stat!

I do think it's important to remember that the things that upset them may seem insignificant to us, are often a toddler, so I think it's important to be as empathetic as possible. I don't think it helps to tell a toddler off for being upset. On the contrary they need comforting even if they're being awful.

For me though, I've found that toddlers are nothing compared to pre-schoolers. My word, once they turn three!

Why would you put a DC in the high chair before food's ready?

Ours involves moving a Thomas mad 2 year old from a Thomas trainset in a Toy shop. It wasn't pretty as we marched to the car with said child over DH's shoulder screaming Thomassssssss at the top of his lungs. Still our favourite tale now he's 14.

On a good day I work through: distraction, empathy, offer cuddles, putting in a 'safe' place (where he can't hurt anyone, as usually his tantrums involve hitting/scratching/throwing), ignoring, then cuddles when he says he's ready. It's getting better. Some days he'd spend several hours having on/off tantrums. Now they're usually shorter. He's 2yrs 10 months.