Aibu

[Gizlotsmum]

I am fed up to the back teeth of my daughter trying to over parent me..she is 8 and whatever I try and tell her brother to do she has to talk over me and try to parent him.. almost like I am incapable of doing it.. I don't know how to handle it.. I get cross and that doesn't work, I tell her it is rude and disrespectful and that doesn't work.. I walk away and leave her to it but that obviously doesn't work.. help!

Strongmummy has the right approach imho. The more upset or angry you get, the more you try to punish it, the more you are giving her the impression that you actually feel threatened by this. The impression you want to give is that you are the adult and she can't possibly take over your role so that's nothing either of you needs to worry about.

If it is actually one-upmanship, you are letting her win. And if it isn't, then it seems like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

Could there be a more innocent explanation? When I was young- similar age gap- I spent so much of my time actually doing "mothering work" when playing with my little brother (telling him stories, jollying him along, coaxing him out of threatened tantrums, keeping him from doing things he musn't) that sometimes it was easy to forget that I had to step out of that role when my mother was actually at hand.

This wasn't because my mother was in any way neglectful, but because there is simply no way two children with that age gap can play as equals: either one takes the "adult role" or it won't work at all.

I think a firm but perhaps gently teasing tone is the best to adopt here.