My Partner and I have both decided we want a baby but I'm putting it off! AIBU?

[PandaEyes25]

Hi Everyone,
Just looking for a bit of advise really!

So my Partner and I have been together over 6 years- living together for 3.
I have just turned 25 and he is nearly 24.

Over the past 4/5 months or so, we've been talking about having a baby.

We own our own 3 bed house so we have plenty of room and our living siutation is very stable- as is our relationship.

We both have good jobs. Mine would be flexible enough to allow me to work from home if we do have a baby. And we've got a decent amount of savings.

Everything is in place for us to have a baby and we both want one. I am actually quite broody!

However, for some reason (I'm not sure why!) I just feel like the time isn't right.
We are also not Married. I know that in this day and age, it doesn't make a blind bit of difference if you're married or not, but it is always something I've wanted and I'd feel less of a family unit if we weren't.

I am very conscious that I'm not getting any younger and that I'm in the prime of my fertility.
I don't want to deny my partner of something we both want, just because of some petty doubts.

So my main question is, I guess, do you ever feel ready for a baby?
Or should I listen to my gut that the time just isn't right at the moment?

Thanks in advance!

I wish people wouldn't just lay down the 'marriage is more important than you think and protects you/dc' line - when they haven't a clue about the OP's financial arrangements.

It might protect her IT MIGHT NOT.

Best to seek independent advice surrounding the financials/ potential changes with marriage and DC, yes.

But a blanket 'get married for your security' makes far too many assumptions.

Get married first, for the protection it would give you and your future children. Then enjoy another few years travelling, earning and being young! You have plenty of time. I don't know about 'ready' but you should feel sure.

Marriage is very very important in many respects.

Get married then have babies.

Not being married actually does make a difference, a HUGE difference. Especially when you put kids into the mix. For example, if you broke and up and decided during your marriage to put your career on hold to bring up the children you would be entitled to half and generally have more rights. Without marriage you could walk away with less. People shouldn't underestimate marriage as it's not.just a piece of paper.

I'd get married first. Taking all the love and romance out of it, marriage is there for your protection, and for the protection of your children, should something happen to either partner.

You can see the benefits here: www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

It just makes more sense to do it now and have a bloody great day so you don't need to worry later.

And on a super depressing note, even with the house being 50/50, if your DP passes his half is still subject to inheritance tax so you could end up with a massive bill to live in your own house.

What purple said.

Marriage is not the be all and end all and not everyone wants to be married. If OP does then fine but she should take independent advice first (they both should).

I have mum friends who have been with their partners since late teens but waited until 30ish to have children & are so glad they did. It meant they did all the travelling/holidays they wanted to do & enjoyed just being a couple for longer.
If you aren't 100% certain don't do it, it's asking for trouble

I got married mid/late 20's and had any first baby at 28. First out of my peers to do so (all graduates, professionals etc).

I still adore my DH and love being a Mum (currently pg with #4!) but there is still a part of me which wishes we'd waited another year or two to have our first baby, particularly when I think of the adventures other couples had in that time (not that we didn't-we'd done loads of travelling, clubbing etc before then, but would have been nice to do those things with a bit more money after a few years working). I also regret it career wise for various reasons.

So take your time. You have years and years before you need to worry about getting pregnant/your fertility. Once you've had a baby you're a Mum for life.

It's totally OK to want babies some day, but not now. Especially as you're both young!

When you're absolutely ready, you'll know. Parenthood isn't something anyone should go into halfheartedly.

I can see both arguments...yes listen to your gut - fair enough. Also - if you want to be married then yes wait and get married. Etc etc

Other side is, in answer to your question...no I don't think most people ever feel ready and never have doubts. We were stable enough with a house etc but I still wanted a nice holiday or two before having kids. We got pregnant on our last holiday and I was over the moon! Over the first few weeks of knowing I had a few doubts about whether we were ready...but everyone told me that's normal. At the end of the day you've got someone else's life in your hands...that's massive!

So yes - it's normal to have a bit of apprehension and I doubt anyone is ever fully ready (unless they've been trying for years!)

But if you want to get married first and have a bit of extra time to yourself then do it!

I would get married first. I wouldn't wait to long though. I wish I'd started at 25 though. Dh wasn't ready then though so you're lucky you are both ready to go.

If you want to get married first make sure he knows! I'd also get some travelling/good long haul holidays in. You don't always want to be 'mum' and like you say you can't stop being a mum once you are! Enjoy now and get some really good times under your belt to look back on fondly when you have teenagers. My colleague had kids in her late 30's and likes to remember her travelling days. You're so young you can delay it and still be a young mum

nope we were the same. We married when i was 24 and he was 25 -planning to have kids asap but we put off kids until I was 28 as we were having too much fun, eating out socialising, nice holidays.