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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend has annoyed me

15 replies

Jessie5 · 23/02/2007 19:49

When I mentioned to my best friend that I'd arranged for my ds to have single jabs, she announced that she couldn't talk about it with me because it made her so angry.

She did this in front of a room full of colleagues. It really pissed me off, and I don't know exactly why. I can handle that she has different opinions to mine, and even that she doesn't want to discuss it, but I think it's the way she did it that made me feel bad. She was just rude. I can't stop obsessing over it. Am I making too much of this?

OP posts:
lockets · 23/02/2007 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DeviousDaffodil · 23/02/2007 19:54

Bit of an odd reaction.
Yes rather rude i am afriad.

prawnsmum · 23/02/2007 19:57

No its your choice and a friend is supposed to support your decisions and even when they dont just agree to disagree not make you feel like c**p

rookiemum · 23/02/2007 20:00

What a weird way to react. Your child, your choice, end of.

nightowl · 23/02/2007 20:01

it was clear you had made your decision and so its nothing to do with her. if she doesnt agree then fine but there's no need to make a scene about it. she should have just kept quiet. very rude.

LowFatMilkshake · 23/02/2007 20:02

My best friend and I were like this over me wanting a home birth. I refused to talk to her about it, but I would'nt talk to her like that.

Ask her why she felt she had to put her point accross so sharply??

You have a right to have your child treated as you feel is best. Whether she agrees or not she needs to work on her communication and tact.

Original poster
Jessie5 · 23/02/2007 20:32

Thank you for your replies. Feel slightly better, not just me then! She is a very difficult person to disagree with, and it causes work problems when I do. Will sleep on it I think, see how pissed off I am tomorrow.

OP posts:
sunnysideup · 23/02/2007 20:53

I think for some reason she found what you said personally threatening. Maybe she felt it implied that you are a very thoughtful person who has taken the time and effort to think this through and act according to your own views and opinions; it's quite a 'strong' non-mainstream decision to take and tbh it sounds like she just finds it threatening in some way; like it makes you appear too clever or something!

It's obviously something along those lines, as giving the single jabs is still inoculating the child, it's not as if you are saying you won't jab at all.

Lizzer · 24/02/2007 14:17

Hi Jessie5, I don't think you were being out of order but I know what you mean when you say 'I can't stop obsessing over it' I've got issues with 2 people I used to be really close to and I spend a lot of time using my preciously low brain power thinking about the problems we've encountered recently, its really annoying!!!!!

Trying to get people out of your head when you know deep down it doesn't matter a speck to what's going on in your life is my biggest bugbear at the moment.

I'm sorry you've got to work with this woman, I prefer the run away and hide approach

Feenie · 24/02/2007 14:59

I know, it's so annoying, isn't it! I resolve to let something go, not to let it ruin my evening, and 5 seconds later find myself going over it all again, without realising. Grrrr!

kittywaitsfornumber6 · 24/02/2007 14:59

She is your best friend??

NurseyJo · 24/02/2007 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Elasticwoman · 24/02/2007 21:45

I had a friend who had separate jabs for her child, which meant taking child on a long journey and spending quite a lot of money. It never occurred to me that it was my place to comment on the decision she and her dh had made.

I think your friend was wrong, and rude, to react the way she did but she probably spoke before she thought. Your colleagues may well have not noticed, or not thought anything of the exchange. You have a choice: either you can speak to your friend in private and say that you were distressed and embarrassed by what she said in public, especially as you had not asked her opinion but were just giving information. This gives her the opportunity either to apologise or to upset you further. Or you can turn the other cheek, play it down, and be careful what you divulge to her in future.

tearinghairout · 25/02/2007 18:49

As someone said, she sounds controlling; maybe she was surprised that you had made ythis decision and acted on it all on you rown, without consulting her first.

I had a similar scenario with my bf last summer; I did something without mentioning it to her (it never occurred to me that she would care either way)and she freaked out when she found out. I apologised, of course,& explained, & seiad I wanted to forget it, but she's still funny with me. I'm really sorry I've lost her as a friend, but looking back a) there were signs before this and b) she had/has lots of anger & control issues which she has now dumped on me because of this one little thing. Do you see what I'm trying to say? Maybe this issue is your friend's excuse, that she has a problem like my ex-bf has.

Mojomummy · 25/02/2007 19:34

rather than ask her to discuss it, how about asking her about her feelings.

You could say something along the lines of....I was surprised at your reaction the other day. I appreciate you don't want to discuss my decision to have single jabs, but I'd like to understand why it makes you angry.

That way you're just talking about the feelings & you both might find it easier.

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