Aibu to be put of by funeral dress codes?

[Funnyfarmer]

Back in November a mum from school tragically passed, I didn't know her to well but felt I would like to pay my respects at her funeral. Just as I was about to get ready I got a text saying the family have requested people are to wear bright clothing. I opened my wardrobe and had nothing bright in my autumn/winter wardrobe even if I had the time to dig out my summer clothing they are just that summer clothing It was a burial, I would have been freezing. I don't know her family and felt I may have percived as disrespectful if I turned up in dark clothing, so I decided not to go. Today I attended a funeral where everyone was asked to wear a Manchester United kit! Luckley this time I had few days notice and managed to borrow a united tracksuit 3 sizes to big, if I hadn't managed to borrow one would I have been expected to buy one? On Thursday I'm attending another funeral where everyone has been asked to wear rastapharian/Jamaican style clothes. I hope I'm not coming across disrespectful because I really don't mean too but it really is putting me off attending peoples funerals who otherwise I would like to pay respect too

3 funerals in 3 months. Wow.

We asked people to wear bright colours to my lovely MIL's funeral - and I have to be absolutely honest, I can't remember noticing what people wore, on the day. I think we were just so focused on getting through the day, as best we could, and supporting each other.

What I did notice was how many people came - and it really moved us all, that so many people made the effort to come, especially as the funeral was on the 23rd of December, so was a really difficult date for many people.

I suspect that, even where there is a really outre dress code, what will matter more to the family is that people come.

The thing with funerals is that you don't get an 'invite' like a wedding etc, it's mostly spread by word of mouth, so not everyone has the same information. I went to a funeral a year or two ago where apparently the deceased's family had asked people to wear something purple. I had no idea, so I just turned up in dark colours. Nobody cared at all, there were bigger things to get upset about.

3 funerals in 3 months. Wow. why is that wow? People die

I have 2 this WEEK

At MILs funeral last week we asked people not to wear black, just to come in ordinary clothes as she requested. I have no idea what anyone wore to be honest.

No not everyone wore a united kit. Some just wore a small united pin (wish I'd thought of that) that funeral was a realitive not imitate kinda thought that people would think I was disrespectful if I didn't wear a united kit. The rastapharian one is of an old childhood friend I just felt that because people had took the time to contact me and tell me about the dress code that it was expected of me. Probably way over thinking it. I'm going to ask dd to make me rastapharian style loom band or something and just wear something smart

I don't think it's disrespectful if you haven't got the suggested items. I could do colourful, no problem, but there's no way on earth I could be persuaded to wear a Man Utd kit, so if I'd had to go to that one I would just have worn something smartish and told anybody who asked that I couldn't get./couldn't afford the kit but I wanted to pay my respects anyway. Jamaican style - i think the loom band is a great idea, you can't be expected to have a full Rasta outfit in your wardrobe at short notice if you're not a Rasta, but it shows you care. I was once asked to wear odd socks to a funeral - I didn't for the funeral itself as I would have felt a bit silly in a dress and socks (I needn't have worried, people were much less formal than I expected), but I did for the gathering afterwards.

Can you wear something red, something gold and something green for the Rastafari funeral? Can anyone tell me what a 'rasta outfit' is supposed to look like? Was the deceased a Rastafarian?

Kermit. I've decided to get my dd to make me a red,yellow and green frendship band. She got a set to make them for Christmas. He wasn't a rastapharian. But he was a fan. He was always dressed in baggy red, yellow and green colours, Bob marley t-shirts and stuff like that. I'm not sure how you can become an official rastapharian but he was English his father was Jamaican though (or grandfather )

We told everyone to wear whatever they wanted for DS' funeral, including bright colours to reflect his personality. I couldnt care less what people wore. But I am aware that young people might not have extensive wardrobes or might be unsure what to wear. I just wanted everyone to feel comfortable and welcome and for nobody to be put off attending due to not having the right clothes.
Honestly - bereaved families have enough to worry about without wondering whether people are criticising their funeral arrangements.

My dad died last year and we put the word out for 'no black'. We just meant don't feel you have to wear depressing colours. But in the funeral car we realised that most of us were wearing mainly black just becsuse that was our smart outfit, so one had black coat, one black dress, onw black top etc. We had a laugh about that. No one will mind what you wear, they'll just be grateful you're there.

My DD died recently and I refused point blank to specify a dress code. DH thought we should put something in the announcement but I said I didn't care what people wore - they could make their own decisions. If you specify a bright colour (such as pink) it throws the men into a panic. Older people like to wear black/navy. A few people asked what the dress code was and we just told them to wear what they felt comfortable in. Not everyone wore black but neither did they wear specific bright colours either. A funeral is about saying your goodbyes to the deceased - the deceased won't see what you are wearing.

Oh big, I am so so sorry

Bigbluebus

I went ot a funerla where we were asked to wear bright colours. Most people basically didn't wear black. But some people have a black coat, and they just wore a scarf of something.

I didn't think much of it until I saw another funeral go in to the crematorium (2 chapels at this place) and everyone was in black, it was veyr sombre and dark, and made me realise that we weren't at all.

I wouldn't be wearing Man U kit, although I might try and find something red, eg a scarf.
I wouldn't buy something special either, but would just try and fit if I could.

It's worse when you don't know the dress code - went to a family funeral on DH's side and MIL forgot to tell me that there was a bright clothing dresscode. She remembered for herself, remembered to tell everyone else.

It was a warm sunny day. Everyone else turned up in bright summer clothes. I felt a bit of a tit in my black dress and cardigan!

That sounds like a good idea funnyfarmer

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter bigbluebus