To ban DD from bringing drinks and food out of the kitchen

[Tezacat]

DD 13 is downright clumsy, she's always been the same (low end sensory issues I suspect). She doesn't know her own boundaries as far as her personal space goes, she will spin, kick, dance and bang and bumble about with no regard for walls or furniture. She's just not careful, she'll bang down on furniture, stamp up the stairs and place her hands and face on walls, doors, windows etc and as she's now taken to wearing make up I regularly find lipstick and orange hand prints all over the house.
I've just completely lost my rag as for the umpteenth occasion ive gone upstairs to find brown drips all the way though the hall and up the stairs to her bedroom from her coffee she was carrying earlier. This isn't the first time it's happened, she's incapable of carrying a cup without spilling it, she fills it to the brim - same with food - she'll take a biscuit or cake and not use a plate, usually she'll sweep it of the kitchen with food in hand whilst doing some dance kick or twirl with no regard for anything.
I'm so fucking fed up with her at the moment, she's so full on - really she should be out with friends burning off energy but apparently no one goes out any more. Instead she burns off her energy twirling around the house in full disco make up making a sodding mess everywhere she goes. It's the complete disregard for our home I rage at. Everything is old but well looked after and I can't afford new carpets and furniture all the time.
AIBU to force her to stay in the kitchen every time she wants a drink or snack? I've told her this today and apparently I'm treating her like a child...

One of my DCs is like this, age 16. Dyslexic, dyspraxic, has no idea he has bumped into you. After meals, his place setting looks like a 2 yr old has been seated there... consequently all food is banned in all parts of house apart from kitchen and dining room. I have only recently relaxed on drinks coming into living room. No food or drink in car either for same reason. If friends come round and I serve pizza, it's always in the dining room. It was questioned by DC friend once who wanted it in the living room. I just said no, in this house we eat in the dining room -which has a wooden floor that can he swept and mopped-

Tell me about dyspraxia, is it a sensory thing? Between the age of about 1 and 3 she awful problems with eating. Like she had a really small swallow, her gag reflex was terrible and it became the norm that she'd vomit uo all her meal if she had the slightest bit too much in her mouth. Or she'd cough and the lot would come back. She also hand flapped when she got excited and as she got older again developed issues with tags on clothing, socks were an absolute nightmare with the seam running across the toes. She wouldn't wear anything with a belt, buckle or anything restrictive like an elasticated waist. Even now she hates tight clothing and will spend ages getting the tongues in her shoes just right. I did wonder if there were some sensory issues.
School she's always been great with though, her handwriting is good so fine motor skill aren't a problem. She's just a bloody handful as my mother used to say.

YANBU. Kitchen for drinks and snacks until such time she has better co-ordination and control over her movements. What you have described would drive me mad.

And you are right OP, activity is definitely the key here.

Chelazla, thank you, I'm fine. I admit I find her challenging and some days more than others. For instance she's danced around all day, practising her smoky eyes, faffing about - this afternoon I asked was there any homework to be done - no she said.
At 8pm she brings me a maths worksheet to be helped with - apparently it's not homework, it's revision for a test on Tuesday so that why she didn't do it earlier!
The 40 feet worth of coffee drips right through the house was the straw that broke the camels back. She's been told about it before, it's not the first time.

Definitely sounds like sensory issues. I have some and I can see my DCs have some mildly.

The mess would drive me mad. I wouldn't allow food and drinks upstairs and insist on plates for food. My rule is DCs have to sit down to eat (they are younger) and they don't always and it drives me mad when they are trailing crumbs all over the downstairs.

Poor Dd, op, mine is a clumsy beggar too, bless her, she tries.
She is limited to the dining table for all drinks or my house would be full of stains, I had to remove and dispose of all nail varnish, people gave it as gifts over the years, She found some a couple months back and thought she could do it alone, she has ruined my new bath sheet with it.
I'm still not sure what to do about it all.
She can't peddle a bike to save her life, but she does try at the gym, she can swim, so I take her to that each week, but she's just not physically organized if you know what I mean, tight clothes on her waist are torture, but socks and labels don't seem to bother her.
No help from me, just thought you'd like to know you aren't alone. My older sons were also banned from drinks away from the table, but we lived in open plan then, so they weren't shut away in a dining room and could still watch TV or chat while drinking.

I am 51 and exactly the same.

I'm glad you're ok! There are those days they drive you crazy! To throw my hat in I also wondered about dyspraxia, she sounds like a little girl I taught. Very bright, great fine moter skills but really clumsy. She was dyspraxic.

Oh Tezacat we have twins with the homework one. You didn't ask the right question and she got away on a technicality. I have to rephrase questions, "is there any homework" I get No, "Is there anything that you have brought home from school that I can see? Do you have anything to complete or fill out for school at all?"
I'm starting to feel like a Lawyer questioning a defendant when I need info out of her.
Lies by omission, she doesn't get, but she will argue to death she didn't lie, she answered the question, and theres an answer for everything to make her look like the innocent party in everything.
Maybe she'll be a barrister.

I'll look into dyspraxia, it's not something I'd considered I must admit. Thank all, it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm sure I'll look back and smile whilst reminding her about it, it's just bloody exhausting after 13 years I though I'd left cleaning up after a toddler behind.

She might not leave it behind, I haven't

Yep, I will have to start covering all bases with regard to school information. I hear about most school trips, parents evenings, requests for money etc via text message during break on the day it should be handed in.
Homework means homework only, not revision, copying up or a project. I hope she Will be a barrister, with a non spill travel mug of course.

I'm very clumsy ('Look what you're doing child' was the refrain of my childhood) - I do thing very impulsively without thinking and often end up hurting myself, falling over etc. I have very very poor spacial awareness, and I don't do it on purpose - I think I have plenty of room around me and will suddenly twirl about or do a dance or climb up on something. I also often spill drinks or bang into doors. I misjudge space and surfaces etc.
I'm 57, I don't do it on purpose to annoy - I just can't seem to control it.
It drives my Dd crazy as I have osteoporosis and she worried I'm going to break a hip or something.

It sounds as if that is just the way your Dd is - and she may well always be that way - I'd go for a travel mug (I use one now) and keep reminding about plates etc. It's hard to explain if you are not that way - but it is hard to control because it is impulsive.

I don't know the solution - just saying that your DD may not be intending to annoy, weirdly I have found that colouring books help calm me down a bit - because I have to sit quietly and concentrate on not going over the lines. Maybe it is poor fine motor control or something - could some kind of precise activity help your DD with lessening the largeness of her movements?

Also exercise helps burn off the energy.

I'd also ban make up wearing except in the bathroom and then if she wants to practise, hopefully any mess will be wipeable.

Brasty, even if she doesn't she's still my lovable, crazy, bonkers daughter. I will be grey and probably on a cocktail of nerve meds but she'll be fine I'm sure.

I do clean up after myself of course when I have spillages

If it is SPD (sensory processing disorder) or dyspraxia Occupational Therapy can help. Look for a local OT who is trained in sensory integration.

Also maybe give her decaf coffee!

Kurri, we find ourselves saying the same too, 'watch what you are doing, calm down' etc. the make up thing is her quiet down time, she will sit for ages and make herself up beautifully. It's like her hobby. She definitely isn't burning off enough energy, especially over weekends when she's slept in late and slobbing around in her PJs half the day. She'll be quiet awhile then boom she'll burst in the room pirouetting, slide into the splits, tease the dog a bit, roll across the floor into the kitchen then slam a few cupboard doors in there, nearly take tge fridge door off its hinges, slosh the milk carton around, clang the cups in the cupboard singing at the top of her voice. Some days my patience levels are higher than others.
She needs knackering out with something, what I don't know as she refuses every offer of dance classes, martial arts, Zumba etc.

What about an exercise bike or something she could just jump onto when she feels the urge to be energetic?

Or maybe get a dance/zumba DVD she can clear a space in the living room and do when she wants to (my sister did this when I visited her a few months ago, cleared a space put on an exercise DVD and said 'go on wear yourself out' )

Sounds just like my 10 year old recently diagnosed with dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder. She is clumsy, disorganised, a total fidget, bright, challenging with some fairly rigid thinking. OT said she spins and moves all the time to regulate herself. Look it up, sounds like your did has traits.

But we have travel mug for hot drinks, lidded cup with strW for cold and no food outside the kitchen. Tonight's joy was her managing to smash two full pints of milk.

It sounds exhausting OP, not just the mess but the energy and pace that she does things with. I would get dizzy watching her! She definitely needs an outlet... she could be so good at dance or just anything active. I knew someone at school who was exactly the same, just couldn't keep still.. She would walk home from school dancing, humming and singing all the way. Same just walking through the corridors. Her mum used to babysit me and she was at the end of her tether with her as she was highly strung too.
She's now 31 and still has all this energy, it's visible just in photos she posts! But she found her outlets... she's had so much drive to succeed in life as she hasn't been able to stop so she is at the top of her career, is always travelling, loads of friends.

Trampoline in the garden?

I'm the dyspraxic one 😞

I still 'sneak' food out of the dining room. Although yesterday I managed to get soup up the wall and burn my hand.

I agree with PP about treating her like an adult and getting her to clean up every drip of mess.

She may never improve her coordination. It's sadly how it can be. Better to address the consequences firmly or only eat in wipeable areas.

With all youngsters who lived in my home over the years food wasn't allowed upstairs. I know how skanky I was as a teen leaving rotting food under bed etc. However drink could be taken upstairs. When they filled up cups too full or just didnt care enough not to spill up walls, carpet etc there was one chance not to do it again. After that there was a ban and only water allowed upstairs. It saved feeling the fury looking at stained stair carpet. This rule went for able and not so able teens, my own and other people's children. Your DD sounds as if she isn't showing she's ready to be allowed to move drinks around safely. Maybe just inform her it won't be happening for the next six months. After you can see that she's being more careful within the kitchen area maybe give her another opportunity to show she can do it? It will remove the conflict and understandable anger you're feeling

Like PP said don't treat her like a child - make her clean it up. Make sure she has an outlet for her breakdancing energy - is her room arranged so there;s room for splits etc.? Has she got a fiddle toy? Or does she need her whole body to spinning?