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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child keeps taking my DDs belongings

18 replies

suchafuss · 15/01/2017 14:29

My DD aged 10 has a friend who stays at her DFs home every other weekend on same street. She keeps taking things. Took my DN's Ipad case, was missing for months and then turned up on this childs Ipad, knew ot was his as it had a mark on it and as a result bought as a 'second'. Has taked DD friends top, in October took part of DD halloween costume home and now this weekend has taken a bow that DD had bought out of her Christmas money home with her.
Have told DD not to leave anything there but she forgets and I realise that because parents share time with her that they probably don't realise that these things belong to other people and assume that the other parent has bought them. I think this child knows what she is doing as this weekend she has stayed away from house but DH has seen her several times wearing the bow (its very distinctive!)and at aged 8 she is old enough to understand. Would IBU to sit this child down the next time she visits to explain that this is not acceptable as her parents seem unconcerned? I don't want my DD to think this is OK and then start doing the same!

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 15/01/2017 14:30

Talk to the parents not the child

IMissGrannyW · 15/01/2017 14:31

have a word with the dad?

"Sorry, DF's dad, but that's DD's bow. Can we have it back before she goes home, please"

Or stop having friend round.

Katy07 · 15/01/2017 14:32

What Granny says.

Ilovecaindingle · 15/01/2017 14:32

Pop a note to her parents explaining that she had accidently picked up x and y belonging to your dd. She may have taken stuff and told them she was given these things. Or she will have to be told to stay away altogether. .

Original poster
suchafuss · 15/01/2017 14:35

I have asked for things back but I just don't think either parent gets it! With the Halloween costume she was going to be without it for her school disco and a crucial part of the outfit. Had to insist it was brought back as ordered online and no time to get a replacement yet it still took days.

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YouTheCat · 15/01/2017 14:38

I'd just not let her across the door again. And I'd tell her why not as well. She is old enough to know that it is wrong and old enough to know she'd be upset if someone took her things.

Berthatydfil · 15/01/2017 14:39

I had this with the coursing of a friend who took a fancy to some of dc's property. He was a few years older, and kept asking to borrow these items dc said no and when he went home it was missing.
You could do a I did and ask parents if they took it by "mistake".
Message one or both parents.
Hi it's ddd's name mum here. I was wondering if friend brought home xyz (describe it in detail) thing with her by mistake from our house. The girls were playing with it and I wondered if it got mixed up with her things when friend went home from our house.
Hopefully it will come home maybe after a few such messages the parents will realise what she is doing.
You have a few choices keep an eye on her in future and pat her down when she leaves, or reduce contact with the child.
She is probably a very unhappy child and is maybe jealous of your dd nd wishes she had her life and is taking her things to try to have a bit of her life , but she is stealing and this is wrong.

Berthatydfil · 15/01/2017 14:40

Cousin not coursing

Berthatydfil · 15/01/2017 14:42

X posted with your update. If that the case and the parents don't seem to care sadly I would reduce contact with this child.

rollonthesummer · 15/01/2017 14:42

Does your DD like her? Does she ask the friend for her stuff back?

Original poster
suchafuss · 15/01/2017 14:48

Yes my DD does like her and I think as someone has said upthread she may perhaps be jealous. I do ferl for her but she is quite divisive with other friends on the same street. Caught her one day telling DD and another girl that they would both have to be nice to her and then she would decide who was the nicest at the end of the day and they could go swimming with her! Had to step in with that one and say they should all be nice to each other anyway and that I wanted them all to play together and not leave anyone out.

OP posts:
Original poster
suchafuss · 15/01/2017 14:49

Sorry yes she does ask but by that point its usually bern taken to her DM home

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Original poster
suchafuss · 15/01/2017 14:51

Crikey my typos are dreadful today!

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notangelinajolie · 15/01/2017 14:59

Sit down and explain to your child that stealing is wrong and she isn't to play with her anymore. Give her the opportunity to explain why this girl has her things. It could be that your child is being very generous and actually giving this stuff to this girl but if that were the case I would then be asking why she wants to give her things to her. Have the chat with your DC before doing anything more.

Berthatydfil · 15/01/2017 14:59

You would not be unreasonable to discourage this friendship given the xxifional information. She sounds manipulative, and is light fingered, there is also an age difference so won't be together in school.
If your dd is 10 and she is 8 I would say the friendship will fizzle out as your dd is probably in the last year or so of primary.

I would arrange activities with other friends on these weekends or if she comes to call just say it's not convenient.
Its sad for her but I don't think it's going to be a life long friendship for them.

Berthatydfil · 15/01/2017 15:00

Additional not xxifional

DJBaggySmalls · 15/01/2017 15:01

Ban her from your house and explain why to her and her parents.

JanuaryMoods · 15/01/2017 15:04

I wouldn't have her in my house and tell her why.

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