To try and make new friends at my age?

[Lonelybutnice]

Hi all,

Nervous new poster here. I read the posts on here almost every day and always enjoy them.

I'm 34 with 3 lovely DC's and a lovely DH. Something has been bothering me for a while and it's bothering me more and more. I have very few friends. Not to dwell on it, but my mum was the type who very much discouraged every friendship I had (oh so and so is no good for you! They're not our type of people!) and now I feel I'm left rather lonely, or certainly lacking something in my life.

I am envious when I see others who have groups of friends who do nice things together and I really wish I had that too but I think I'm too late in life to find it now, those groups are already well established.

Does anybody have any advice for me please? Or has anybody been in a similar situation and managed to find a group of friends? I know it doesn't seem a big deal but it's making me a bit down in the dumps. Many thanks

(I posted this on another board too but thought I might get a few more responses here, not sure if it works like that, I'm not very au fait with posting yet)

Just read this as I was about to post similar, made up you've joined meet up op I hope you have a fab time!

Can I ask a question if anybody cAn help!
What actually happens at meet up ? I mean how does it work? I know the basics but fear I couldn't just take myself to say a pub and introduce myself to the group, does anybody know if somebody would meet you first then take you in etc.. To meet people in group?
Sounds silly I know but lack of confidence is in my way.

Sorry to jump on your thread op just seems silly to ask same question again. I'm 40 divorsed due to which have found myself very alone with no friends.

Anybody who's used it who can advise it would be great to hear about it.

Hi panda

No worries! Well, I've joined a group and rsvp'd to a meet up and they private messaged me saying that if I'm a bit shy somebody will come and meet me outside the pub and come in with me, maybe that's the 'done' thing?

Perhaps join, join a few groups and see what happens. They've been incredibly friendly in the one I joined, including adding me to their private FB group. Good luck, I really feel like I'm taking steps towards making new friends, I hope you can too :-)

What actually happens at meet up ?

It depends on the group and the activity. For example we do a boards game night at the local pub - you sign up on the event page and we generally then write where we're sitting once we get there - however when I first started I messaged the organiser and said I was wearing a pink coat stood by the bar and he came and found me. We had drinks in a bar last night and It would have been tricky to see/know who was who - so again you can put a note on the messageboard saying I'm here - stood by the juke box etc and someone will come over and say Hi/bring you over to the others.

I am extremely shy and the idea of doing it filled me with dread but once I had been to 2 - board games and the quiz and could then identify someone from the group it was easier; even if I just go sit at the same table and wait for someone to talk to me

Oh wow thanks ladies, pheww im glad they can come out & get you, Id get there and probably bolt & chicken out.
I think it's just making that 1st step isn't it, iv not actually been over my door in 2 years since my divorse, only to nip for basics for kids or quick trips. I find im actually preferring to be indoors and not wanting to get into conversation with people I see etc... It has started to cause great anxiety for which I'm on medication but I'm really trying hard to break free from that cycle and build a new life.

Was with ex h for 18years and It was only the last 3 years I began to realise how controlled iv been, he'd never encourage visitors or friends and would complain etc...it was only when I started to challenge my situation was I able to clearly see this isn't right this is abuse and things went from bad to worse as I started to come out this manufactured bubble he had me in.

so suffering the dv the, verbal abuse, put downs and controlling really has left its mark. Have you ever sat and though 'I don't know who I am anymore ? Like what I am supposed to be, or do what do I want. I feel in a way that I am numb still searching for the personality I once had.
It's crazy but im finding now I'm free he's sculpted me for so long to be this particular person to suit him, I really struggle to see I can go out I can do what I want I don't need to ask permission etc.. And it's very odd tbh
I know it sounds crackers, lol!!!!

I'm just so scared of the future the what next but I know I feel loanly now and a bit lost, so if I could get out and build up my confidence start to have friends i think I'll feel allot better, I just didn't know how to set about doing that as my dc's are older all our friends were his friends initially and I spent so much time with his family as mine don't live near, it's like I didn't just loose my marriage I lost my whole life.

I think your great op and other pp's for just getting out there and giving it a go it's fab inspiring tbh.

I will be cheeky & add if any of you are in the northwest and don't mind a tag along PLZ give me a shout ☺️

P.s sooooooo sorry that was sooooo long 🙈

Also everyone has a profile pic so that's helpful.

You get a page where it says

• Meal at Ask
• Date/Time
• Whose coming - and each name will have a photo next to it
• Messages underneath - "Sorry can't make it" "Great I'm looking forward to it" "booked under Angela's name" which you can reply to; or add to - ie "new member, a little unsure but looking forward to meeting you all"

Then on the day theyre may be more messages saying "see you later" or "Here! got a good table" "Where is everyone?"

You can also PM the "organiser" of that particular meet.

I have been on Meetup for a while and now have my own group. That's not why I suggested it to you but I found that in my 40's it was hard to meet new people. I wanted to build a stronger social circle but didn't know how. I read about Meetup and it did change my social life. I made some good friends and lovely acquaintances.

Some people are shy but if you are it is best to let the organiser know. Just message them and ask about how to find them at the event and tell them you are nervous. You will click with some groups more than others. Just try them out. If it doesn't work just chalk it up to experience and try another group.

Hi OP and Panda (and others in same boat). Wishing you the best of luck at your groups. I'm uber low on friends too but on my list to tackle it in 2017.

How did it go Lonely ?