To think it's not up to dd's teacher to tell her this?

[MsGameandWatch]

Dd has most likely a fractured small toe. Doctor can't be sure but says X-ray unnecessary, will heal by itself. She's getting around fine, very painful and limping first few days, fine now but can't get her school shoes on. The top of her foot and small toe is badly bruised so any shoe that she has to squeeze into or puts pressure on the top is painful. The only shoe she's been able to wear is Crocs (with tights - lovely!)

All this explained to school. Yesterday her teacher told her she expects to see her in school shoes today as dd isn't limping anymore. We tried to get the shoe on today, then trainers, just couldn't do it without pain so she's gone in in Crocs again. No teacher from her class around this school for me to explain.

I'm irritated tbh - Dd has ASD and gets very stressed out, we had a big hoo haa and tears and insistence that shoe had to be worn as her teacher had said so. Surely it's up to me as her parent to decide when dd is well enough to wear a shoe? Less than a week after she broke the toe? I can get a doctor's note, sure, but why should I have to? Just annoyed really.

YANBU. I would probably send a polite email to the teacher informing her of what happened. You could let her know that as a result of her ASD what to her (the teacher) might seem like an offhand comment causes a lot of anxiety for your DD, therefore in future she should avoid stating something as a demand to your DD unless she's sure it's something that's possible. She could always address similar concerns to you rather than directly to DD.

Well I would advise her that unless she is a qualified medical profession with a expertise in bone fractures in children she should keep her opinions about the speed of bone healing pain discomfort and acceptable footwear to herself.

Write a letter to school to say her school shoes and trainers are too painful to wear with the injured toe so you are sending her in crocs. Say that as soon as she can wear the school shoes without pain you will send her in in those.

I agree if she is struggling but my friend has recently broken her toe and was advised by her GP to wear the tightest pair of shoes possible to help support the toe during the healing even if it is painful to put on.

Yes, do write a letter explaining. In my experience, many teachers treat children with ASD like all other children and don't understand the huge level of stress that 'disobeying' a teacher's instruction can have on a child with autism.

In your letter, I would also ask for two things: 1. That all teachers your DD is likely to come into contact with are made aware that she will be wearing crocs until her toe heals; and 2. that the teacher explains to your DD that she made a mistake and your DD can wear crocs as long as she needs to.

I really think it's only by emphasising how to manage a child with ASD that teachers get the message.

YANBU. Just because she isn't actually limping, it doesn't mean her toe isn't still sore, and in fact, it's probably only because she was wearing Crocs that she wasn't limping, if you see what I mean. And, as you say, it's not up to her teacher to decide whether her toe has healed or not.

Definitely send a note in with the school explaining the situation - and perhaps also asking them to take it up with you rather than DD if they have an issue with it.

I think I would have just sent a note in. Would have said, "We tried the shoes, but v painful as still swollen. Also trainers, but the same problem, so we'll be sticking with the crocs till it's not painful for her to wear other shoes."

Dd's teacher is a bit of a stickler for uniform and I've had to explain a few times (eg. wearing a white polo neck due to bad cough etc.) as dd is petrified she'll get told off (she's Y3). Most of the other teachers wouldn't give 2 hoots and it's not a strict school, just him. But he has other redeeming features so if there is a uniform contravention I just explain it. We couldn't find her school shoes after Christmas so she had to wear black boots (Boots not allowed) and he said, "Okaay just for today..." Well we couldn't find them anywhere so I wrote a note saying I woudn't be buying any more shoes till we had looked thoroughly over the whole house as black boots are completely fine imo.

Thanks all. I didn't bother writing a note as had spoken in person to both her teacher and the deputy head. Will definitely ask them to please approach for me for such situations as DD is so literal and focussed on fitting in and doing the right thing.

Good idea to say that

YANBU. Unless the teacher is a qualified medic. Presumably not. But....please don't take offence, as a veteran of broken toe issues (two DDs are gymnasts with approx eight broken toes between them) CROCS are one of the worst things she could be wearing. It's a bit like with flip flops, you subconsciously bend your toes to grip the shoe, really not good with a broken toe. The broken toe should be strapped to the toe next to it with micro tape and a soft pad between them. Then the hardest outer shell shoe she can get on should be worn as a. It will stop the subconscious gripping and b. It will protect the foot/toe from further damage. If she really can't get any hard shoe on I personally would keep her off school (getting work sent home in meantime) til she can. We've had to do this so many times. It really does also help with a much quicker healing time too. But you're right - adherence to school uniform policy is your last concern. Hope she feels better soon.