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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to loan my clothes out

50 replies

Skiclothesdilemma · 12/01/2017 17:55

A friend has just text & asked if I still have my ski clothes because she is on the blag for her 15 yo DC.

I do still have them but they were very expensive & I couldn't possible afford to replace them if they were damaged or lost. Having sent my kids on school ski trips I know nothing 100% comes back.

AIBU to say sorry no ?

OP posts:

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 12/01/2017 20:04

I'd concoct a story too. Without a story the friend will argue that the clothes will be returned unharmed, will think the OP is mean and will tell their friends how unreasonable the OP is.

listsandbudgets · 12/01/2017 20:07

I was in aldi this morning. looks like they've got loads of ski stuff in there at the moment. I'd direct her there

Witchend · 12/01/2017 20:11

I haven't been skiing so I may be totally wrong but they're the sort of thing I would kind of think people might lend out. You don't really use them round the UK generally, and they're expensive. I would expect her to have offered the hire price-or some of it anyway.

But I'd think "sorry I've already lent them to someone" was the polite way to do it.

ConvincingLiar · 12/01/2017 20:14

Sorry, they're not available, but maybe check out Aldi/decathlon/to maxx, they often have cheap ski wear.

MatildaTheCat · 12/01/2017 20:23

Non skiers just don't understand about ski kit. I've lent mine several times and every single time something is lost or damaged. A sock here and a glove there. Googles scratched, trousers torn.

I actually don't ski anymore but it got to a stage of deciding to just say sorry, no and this is why. Ski kit is bloody expensive but can be bought cheaply or hired. Real skiers want to just get out their kit and ski, not schlep to the shops to replace their stuff someone else has lost or damaged.

GarrulousGrimoire · 12/01/2017 20:28

If the text says something like "have you still got those ski clothes and can I borrow them?"

Then just text
"oh sorry, no, Aldi have some good stuff at the mo".

No need to clarify if that no means you don't have them or if you won't lend them...

Dutch1e · 12/01/2017 21:18

Why does someone asking to borrow something mean they have "a nerve"?

BattleaxeGalactica · 12/01/2017 21:32

Just say no.

FWIW I kitted dd out at a similar age with a bargainous end of season ski jacket and gloves from TK Maxx and a pair of ski trousers from a charity shop who often seem to have them. If your friend is skint point her in that direction.

antimatter · 12/01/2017 21:34

Sports Direct have ski clothes on sale right now. TKMaxx is another place and Costco sometimes have v.g. value for money clothes.

YouHadMeAtCake · 12/01/2017 21:35

Dutch because if they need (want) it, they should buy it or inmho, go without. 'Never a lender or a borrower be" sticks with me. It means they want to save money by using someone elses stuff bought with their money.

anothermalteserplease · 12/01/2017 21:39

Just say they're not available. No way would I lend out my ski equipment. Something will get lost or damaged.

Dutch1e · 12/01/2017 21:45

because if they need (want) it, they should buy it or inmho, go without

Jaysus, remind me to write in my own blood if I'm ever caught without a pen.

I'm not disputing that ski gear is expensive (probably why the asker asked to borrow it) or that saying "no, I don't like lending pricey stuff" is a perfectly fine response. OP, no you're not being unreasonable to give a straight answer to a straight question.... I just don't understand why a simple request has some people clutching their pearls.

LovingLola · 12/01/2017 21:47

Why can you not just say No?

picklemepopcorn · 12/01/2017 21:57

Say "no, sorry". She can decide herself if it's no I don't have them or no I won't lend them.

Chippednailvarnishing · 12/01/2017 21:59

Aldi have ski gear in now...

MoggieMaeEverso · 12/01/2017 22:01

Truly don't understand all the advice to lie or make excuses. What is so terrifying about saying, "oh I don't lend those out, cost me a fortune and I'll want to use them again." Do you think she'll think you're rude, mean, what?? And if she does... Who cares?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/01/2017 22:07

No I'm sorry but I upgraded my ski gear last year and it cost a fortune. I'd be so pissed off if I damaged them myself and I'm quite sure you would not be up for the cost of replacement 😀 Decathlon and weirdly Aldi do very good quality, reasonably priced gear and there's always tons on eBay.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 12/01/2017 22:20

I wouldn't lend my ski gear for all the reasons given.

I wouldn't lie though, otherwise where does it end? They might ask again next year, or start asking when the stuff is being returned, etc.

Just tell the truth. You've invested in very expensive kit and you'd rather not lend it out, sorry.

Go Outdoors have some good stuff at the moment too. I found my local TK Maxx was all out when I went last weekend though.

melj1213 · 12/01/2017 22:23

I'd just say "Sorry, I haven't got anything available, so sorry I can't help out - but I heard Aldi/wherever is doing a lot of ski stuff cheap right now, hope that helps!"

Having said that, the amount of people assuming that the 15 yo will damage/lose/break things is crazy - if the 15 yo was generally careless and didn't look after things, sure I'd feel the same, but if they were generally responsible then I would be happy to lend things, perhaps with the proviso to your friend that you'd want the stuff replaced if it got damaged.

"Hey Friend! I actually do have all my stuff, and your DC is more than welcome to borrow it, but I want to be up front with you - it's quite expensive stuff so if anything gets damaged/lost I would be asking you to replace it as I can't afford to lose out that money and it's not in my budget to replace it right now. If you'd rather try and get stuff from other people I understand, otherwise let me know if DC want's to come round and try stuff on to see if it fits."

I get the whole not lending/borrowing things but when it's something like ski gear I totally understand the rationale - why shell out a lot of money for ski gear if your kid goes on the trip, hates it and you're left trying to sell on/get rid of a load of stuff that will never be used again? Equally, if your family doesn't ski a lot, perhaps they will only ever go ski-ing with school and if you have family/friends who have spare kit they don't mind lending out, as they ski more regularly, why spend that money for the sake of it? They are not unreasonable to ask, providing they are willing to accept a "No, sorry" as much as a "Yes, of course" response.

Whenever any kid in my family has started anything - whether it be a new sport, club, group or even instruments - there's always a message going out saying "X has decided to try . Since we don't want to spend a load of money before we find out if they will commit to it long term I was wondering if anyone has we could borrow or knows anywhere we could buy second hand/hire them for a few weeks till we know if they'll actually stick to it. Thanks!"

Original poster

Skiclothesdilemma · 12/01/2017 22:35

Thanks for all the responses.

I have texted her back that my equipment is too expensive to lend to her Dc but I am happy to lend thermals if she is interested. The image of ketchup stained jacket was too much. I also spoke to another friend who said the school have offered a jacket/trousers/boot/helmet hire package for £30 - which wouldn't even cover the cost of half a glove & sounds like a very reasonable deal.

OP posts:

Oblomov16 · 12/01/2017 22:38

Don't lie. Tell her the truth, as others have said, that they are very expensive and you don't lend them out.
Why do people lie? Why? Why concoct some story about having lent them out already?

melj1213 · 13/01/2017 00:10

Why do people lie? Why? Why concoct some story about having lent them out already?

Whilst I try to always remember that "No" is a complete sentence, I do tend to find that a small white lie often softens the harshness of just saying no and nothing else. Also I find if I say "No, for " then people are less likely to push you to change your mind.

So in this case if the OP just said no then perhaps her friend could have been like "Why not? Is it the cost? We can cover any damages! Is it worrying about them taking care of it? DC is reall responsible! Is it worrying it'll get dirty? We'll make sure it's all freshly cleaned before it comes back! etcetc" which just makes it a bigger issue, when a "Sorry, I've already lent it out so I can't help" shuts down the discussion.

user1477282676 · 13/01/2017 00:47

I'd lie too...I don;t like being honest when it's based in not trusting someone. I'd rather save their feelings. OP she obviously just wanted her DD to swank in your expensive gear instead of the hired stuff!

JennyWoodentop · 13/01/2017 01:31

Skiing is an expensive hobby. I can understand her not wanting to buy all the kit for the sake of a one off trip - but the school hire package sounds like a good deal. If she can't afford that, or is too tight to pay for it, skiing does not sound like the ideal hobby for their family. That sounds harsh, but the costs of skiing are huge and $30 is a drop in the ocean for that.

I would lend my stuff to a trusted friend who I know would take care of it and reimburse me for loss or damage. I would not lend my stuff to a random teen - my own are hard on equipment and rip snow pants, lose gloves etc

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 13/01/2017 21:28

Sorry, my ski trousers cost £220.

..,that might put most people off

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