Sorry I haven't replied to anyone. I'm pretty new to this kind of thing, so forgive the silence!
The advice is really good.
bundle - I did go to the GP, but at 6 (just) Caitlin is as tall as a 7 year old and quite solid. So the doc says she's clearly doing fine and not to worry too much about it.
Lullabyloo - We did the baking thing, but she doesn't want to eat what we make. And I'm SO not a great, salt of the earth type mum. I'm more a 'can you buy it at Tescos' mum, which is probably why the problem started in the first place. Having said that, she's chopped veg with me...flipped pancakes (she thought they were gross, but at least she tried em!) and she's baked a cake, which even I thought was gross, so I wasn't too weirded out when she didn't eat that one!
Amidaiwish/Shrobert - I think she might be a "super taster". When I say she won't eat different food, she also won't eat lots of sweets. No caramel or toffee...her chocolate has to be plain and she won't eat lots of it, so I suspect she has this 'super taste' thing going on. How can you find out???
We eat as a family, so yes. We do all eat together. If there's something new on the plate and we've told her she must eat it, she asks to 'hold someone's hand' while she does. I've told her that's not acceptable now, so now she just pulls the faces instead.
On the cooking front, she hates mixing food. I can't put cheese on her pasta and she doesn't like fish near her chips (she actually ate a flake of fish yesterday, said she liked it, but wouldn't eat more than that! I might try fish again tomorrow, though, based on the slim hope that she 'likes it'.
the controlfreakydave - I like the idea of opting out of being her opponent. I confess that we're both a bit entrenched with the bad behaviour...me as well as her, so I guess it's a habit for me to break too...the getting upset! Still, I'm the grown up (hah!) so should be able to do that! And as Franke says, getting out of the habit of debating stuff with her is a priority.
Lulumama asked why I left her til she was 6. I think that was just the latest watershed. She's been fussy for years. To be honest, when I was a working mum I didn't have as much time to worry about the diet so much. I just tried to feed her what I knew she'd eat and didn't worry too much about it. Partly, I guess, I didn't tackle it because I felt guilty about leaving her at a full time nursery for 3 days a week! The last thing I wanted to do was fill my precious hours with her by arguing about food! SO...it got picked up when she was 5, when I gave up work. We tried stars, rewards, planning menus, etc and each worked a little. She kept saying that she'd try meat when she was 6...eat what we ate, when she was 6. So we held her to her word. When she was 6 the convenience food got ditched and we started to do 'real food' every night. That's why the weird 6 thing.
Scottish thistle - Breakfast is always toast and water. She doesn't drink juice or pop (which isn't a bad thing) or any hot drinks. She always has her breakfast (2 slices of bread with lots of butter) and she has her vitamin tablets straight after too.
Stormtrooper - thanks for giving me hope. I think we've been trying pretty much what you've done, but every now & again (usually around that time of the month) I lose the plot completely and end up ranting at her that she has to eat her food or go to her bed. Bonkers really! I need to grow up more than she does, I suspect!!!
I'll try serving her the same food as us, plus one thing that she likes every night. I've cut out the bread and butter (she was filling up on that then saying she couldn't eat anything else) saying she can have it when the rest of the food is gone. That seems to be making a bit of a difference, but I'll keep you posted.
Thanks so much for your advice. I just wish I'd figued how to sort out a reply to each comment, rather than having to write war & peace now!!!!
Hope you're all having a nice evening. I'm just off to watch Bones, then Boston Legal. And figure what I'm gonna serve for tea tomorrow!
Have fun all..