AIBU to think DP is being a dick

[HitMeWithYourRythymStick]

Ok, it's taken a lot for me to write this so be gentle. And sorry for the long post.

I have a 3mo DS and I couldn't love him any more than I already do but I am struggling.

For the last few weeks I can't stop crying and shouting when it comes to DP. I'm also anxious of bad things happening to me or DS. And I just can't stand DP lately, everything he says just pushes me over the edge. I hit a new low this morning when DP and I took DS for his injections and I sat in the waiting room in tears because DP did something silly (it did not really warrant my response though and public displays are not my thing so I feel silly now).

I can barely look at him and that's why I think I need some perspective.

It's got to the point that I have booked an apt to see my gp. But here's the thing. It took a lot for me to finally tell DP how I am feeling and he just brushed it off and I felt ridiculous for even bringing it up. He said "how could you POSSIBLY be depressed when you've got a beautiful baby?!" Which made me feel like a horrible ungrateful mother.

So I just shut myself in the bedroom and cried. He came in five mins later and said "oh I'll just do all the tidying shall I?" And walked out.

Am I being ridiculous or was he out of order?

I think your gp is a dick.

Oh I apologise I misread...thought your gp had said 'how can you be depressed'

Yes your dp is being completely unreasonable. How can he never have heard of post natal depression??
My ex was similar..he didn't 'believe' in depression and people just needed to stop being so sad and there was nothing wrong with them x

It sounds like he needs to gain a new perspective with emotions. It's fine for him to deal with things internally and it's fine if you need to cry etc. We're not all one and the same.
You are doing the right thing, and going to see the GP is the best first step. But stick with it. Many people seem to think that the only answer are drugs (and they can really help) but different people suit different things (including different drugs) so it can take a couple of weeks to a few months (don't want to scare you... but) or more to get the right treatment plan to help you feel more like your 'normal' self. But it will be worth it.
It might be worth trying to write down how you feel and whats going on in your head. It might make it clearer to you and if you wanted to you can share it with your partner. But some people just don't understand depression and nothing really helps them (other than if they become depressed...). Often it's not because of something bad, but more because of hormonal/chemical changes. Try explaining it to your DP that way... your body is reaction to the hormones, you love your baby and so pleased to have him etc but your hormones are making you feel other things aswell.

We've had another chat together and I think he is starting to understand. I think he felt as if it was his fault or that I didn't love him anymore.

He's also realised he needs to do a bit more to help with DS and housework etc.

Thanks again for all the replies

So far so good - but please get him out of this idea of "helping" with DS and the housework - he is parenting his own child and doing stuff in his own house - not doing you a favour.

Well done for recognising the likelihood of PND. Your partner really needs to listen, not brush it off. PND is real and it happens to loads of women. It is common. You are dealign with worries and fears adn trying to protect your child from the whole world and all the bad stuff in it. Fear is real. Don't be embarrassed or worreid about going to your GP. If the GP does not listen, get another GP. Preferably a female. You are normal and need some help with the feelings. Your DP needs to step up and support you and DS.

Funny how this has gone a very different way to a recent thread where the roles were reversed (depression not PND) and the OP was told that they should LTB as they weren't his emotional punch bag.

I am bi-polar and something I've realised over the years is that those around you only human. Poblems caused by MH aren't confined to the people who have it. DH was incredibly hurt (we were already together when I was diagnosed - still are after 3 decades) that he wasn't enough to make me happy.

MH isn't an excuse to be unkind to others and expect them to be unswervingly understanding, kind, strong, supportive etc. AS I've said, they are only human. This doesn't mean that you have decided to not "stop crying and shouting when it comes to DP." but empathy, if achievable on either / both sides, goes a long way.

I'd suggest, only based on my own experience, going to your GP alone to begin with. You've made the first brave step and there's time enough to get help on how to benefit most from the support around you. Explaining what you're going through to a professional stranger can be hard enough but even more draining when to someone you love.

Sounds like PND. I had it and taking Sertraline transformed my life! I realised I'd been treating DH very badly, always snappy and starting rows, overreacting, angry with him (and the world) and I was doing bare minimum for baby and running home, so he was doing more than his fair share on top of working full time. Once the Sertraline kicked in I saw him in a new way and realised how low he was feeling as well.

Please see your GP regardless of what your DP thinks you should do.

(( OP )) Another hug for you. Been there. Got the T-shirt. Had the rage. Ad the anxiety. Got help. Got better.

It will pass. I promise. Speak to your GP - well done for recognising it and doing something. First baby-step .

A few things my (lovely, lovely) GP said when I had PND about husbands/OH reaction to it was that:

1. Some husbands hate the thought of their OH having PND - they feel it means they themselves are failing - that the PND is actually their fault (rather than hormones/an illness/total upheaval in your life). And feeling guilt and helpless to do anything can make them react badly/less than helpfully. Doesn't excuse arsehole behaviour but it may help understanding where he is is emotionally at the moment.

2. Both my GP and (again, lovely) HV said that is was frequently not discussed but men can get a form of PND too. Their lives are in upheaval too. They have sleep deprivation. Also think it has been proven that their hormones alter after the birth of a baby (testosterone goes down I think because natural selection and all that equals gentle/less testosterony/quick to anger caveman with a newborn equals better cavechild survival rate - something like that). So hormonally men are a bit skew-whiff too

Hope you start to get help and feel better soon.