To be shocked at someone going abroad for a birthday party

[suedonim]

and leaving their children, even if one is nominally an adult?

The tale is that a recently arrived UK expat here in Nigeria has gone to the West Indies for a birthday party (not sure if it's her own or someone else's). She has left her 12yo dd here in Nigeria with only her 18yo dd for company, the 18yo never having been here before and unused to the conditions.

The girls are alone apart from their houseboy and their driver, who both may seem perfectly affable but there are no CRB checks or anything like it here. Another expat's 21yo daughter was murdered at New year and afaik, no one's been charged yet. Anyone out at night, as these girls were last night, stands the chance of being robbed and/or assaulted. (A friend was robbed in her car twice in two days last week. ) And god forbid one of them has an accident, as their mum did a month ago, requiring hospital treatment - how would they cope?

I honestly can't imagine any scenario where I'd leave my children in a strange country to go off for a birthday party abroad. Those girls are so vulnerable, I've been fretting about them ever since I saw them last night.

I would too, sue - could they come and stay with you?

Very at their mad mother!

How totally insane and how incredibly worrying for you!

Do you feel you know them well enough to invite them over? Or could you phone them regularly to make sure they are ok (though that is a bit of a stable-door-horse-bolted scenario)

that's bl**dy ridiculous - I'm not suprised you're worried !

We only have two furnished bedrooms so there's nowhere for them to stay here, otherwise I would offer. Mind you, that would probably be playing into the mum's hands. She came here last September and promptly went off abroad, leaving the 12yo with a couple she'd only known three days! (They are v nice but you wouldn't know that after just three days, would you?) Dh works with the dh of the couple so was going to ask him today what was going on.

When we lived in Amsterdam, I recommended my two day a week a nanny to a recently arrived US family. She started work for them one day a week and about three weeks later told me that she was going to look after the children (aged 2.5 and about 8 months at the time) for a long weekend while the parents went to London. At that stage she had worked for them a total of three days! I was aghast that the family who had only been in Europe for about 6 weeks at the time and barely knew their way round were leaving an almost complete stranger (should clarify nanny was wonderful but they employed her only on my verbal say-so and they didn't know me from Adam at the time either)alone with their small children.

Your scenario sounds much more serious however. At least we were in Western Europe and we lived only up the road from the family so nanny knew where she could go in an emergency.

But the Dad is there? It is just their Mum who has gone?

No dad on the scene.

it's more commonly done over there though isn't it?

in SA, we had quite a few friends who got left with the maid/houseboy while the parents scooted off somewhere

oh I see, the dh your dh is talking to is the one who the kids were left with the first time?

Must say it's not something my Mum would ever have done when we were expats. She may have left us once but that was with the housekeeper who had worked with us for at least 3 years by then and was more a member of the family anyway.

People do leave their children with staff but only for an evening. I don't know of anyone else who has gone abroad.

Cultural differences right there