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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in thinking Theresa May is massively lacking in empathy?

58 replies

hellowembley · 10/01/2017 18:28

Theresa May & fellow tories going on about improving mental health services for the past few days. She goes on Radio 5 Live this morning to do an interview about it. The presenter's final question was along the lines of 'maintaining mental health is important for everyone... what do you do to care for your mental health?' - giving the PM a massive in to display some humanity and empathy, i thought. Her response... 'i'm one of those people who just gets on with it.' I mean....

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 10/01/2017 18:54

Maybe it's because people of her generation don't understand that we should all be looking after our own mental health - it doesn't have to mean we have a mental health problem.

Thatcher relied heavily on her husband for support but I bet she'd have given exactly the same response.

daisychain01 · 10/01/2017 18:56

TM is in a no-win situation.

If she tries to show any empathy about the challenges of MH, she will be called a fake, how can she possibly understand.

If she shows a "just get on with it" attitude, she will be accused of minimising MH

If she says she can't possibly speak about MH because she's never suffered from MH, she'll be called smug.

If she says nothing, she should have an opinion about MH.

I thought the question was a stupid pointless one anyway, typical dumbed down interviewer question.

SnatchedPencil · 10/01/2017 18:59

Of course she lacks empathy. Nobody would get to the top of a major political party, let alone run the country, if the were willing and able to show empathy to others. Empathy means compromise, it means accepting that your decisions may be wrong and that you should value other people more. This is in direct contrast to the qualities needed to get to the top of politics. Backstabbing, lying, never admitting you are wrong and always claiming other people are wrong even when you know they are right - these are the qualities you need to display to get anywhere near the top.

Even a man like Corbyn, who many see as a refreshing change, is incapable of showing empathy in many situations, especially to people who don't fully share his views. He perhaps is better at refusing to pretend to be good at empathising than May - but that doesn't mean he can do it.

Think of the US elections. Who won, the obscenely-wealthy woman whose attempts at empathy came across as her being condescending, or the obscenely-wealthy man who didn't even bother to try to show any empathy to anyone!

Fallonjamie · 10/01/2017 19:07

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Nothing more. Lack of empathy is rare and points towards serious MH or neurodevelopmental diagnoses.

Having empathy but being able to detach from it or not care (as is suggested for many politicians) is a different issue.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/01/2017 19:12

I agree, fallon but if she's choosing to pretend not to care about the problems people suffer from, she's been spectacularly ill-advised.

Fallonjamie · 10/01/2017 19:26

I don't think she is. I think she was put on the back foot by an extremely personal question and answered.

And it's entirely possible to really be a 'just get on with it' person. That's how that person manages life - it's not a criticism of others.

Birdsgottafly · 10/01/2017 19:43

Those of you with MH problems just aren't trying hard enough.

Those with money issues, just aren't working hard enough.

No house deposit? You aren't saving hard enough, cut out takeaways/sky.

Disabled benefits being cut? Just get a job.

Thank goodness we've got the Government to tell us what we need to do.

PeaceOfWildThings · 10/01/2017 19:51

I don't give a shit about TM's opinions about MH, all I really care about is whether the NHS and CAMHS in particular across the country will become adequately funded. By adequately, I mean up there with cancer research funding, because that is what is needed and that is why there is such a pathetic lack of understanding, and frankly, countrywide fear and kneejerk reactionary caution about supporting MH services. I am fucking well sick of it.

A relation is on the new year's honour's list. A more odious, selfish, self serving, narcissistic person I cannot think of. She's rubbed shoulders with TM, though. What I take from that is, whatever TM is, she is a stunningly, stonkingly, bad judge of character, and that is very bad news for this country.

PatsysPyjamas · 10/01/2017 19:57

She has also said she has no female role models, which seems another spectacularly unempathetic thing to say. On the plus side, maybe she's a bit less media savvy than the old lot. David Cameron was always on message, got the right biscuit etc. They should both be judged by their actions.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/01/2017 20:03

I think you are looking for any pretext to dump on her, tbh.

Katy07 · 10/01/2017 20:27

I think you are looking for any pretext to dump on her, tbh.
^ This

CookieLady · 10/01/2017 20:34

I'm a highly functioning depressive. I just get on with it too. That doesn't mean for one second I'm not capable of empathising.

CookieLady · 10/01/2017 20:35

I don't think there was anything untoward in her answer.

2017watchoutherewecome · 10/01/2017 20:51

Given that she has struggled with infertility, maybe it's something she's not comfortable talking about on air and said that to stop the interviewer in their tracks.

Anyway, even people who have experienced depression etc can be people who just get on with it.

Backingvocals · 10/01/2017 20:59

I thought it was a shame she answered like that. She had just said how much she wanted to end the taboo about mental health and it being treated differently to physical health. She was asked how she looked after her mental health - not if she had ever suffered mental illness. She could have said walking or church or timeout or anything anodyne but still acknowledging that mental health needs to looked after actively. Instead she said "I just get on with it" which is obviously not true since we all have coping strategies. I know she's very straight and wouldn't want to admit to anything hippy dippy but it was a disappointing answer when she had seemed very genuine about the topic itself. Wrongfooted and reverted to standard line to take I think.

BabychamSocialist · 10/01/2017 21:00

I do basically think she's a sociopath deep down. I get really weird vibes from her.

I think her statement was untrue as well - everybody has suffered with their mental health at some point. I refuse to believe she just "got on with it" when her parents died or she found out she couldn't have children. Maybe she did, but I know I didn't.

Her PR team should have prepped an answer for it - it was always going to come up!

OnWiganPierWithNoUmbrella · 10/01/2017 21:45

To the poster that mentioned being abused and poor nutrition being a factor in MH issues and doubting that TM has experienced those things- I know little of her history but abuse is an issue which transcends class. Also, many middle class girls and women suffer malnutrition due to anorexia, which is actually commonest in white women of the middle and upper classes. I came from a naice background but behind closed doors some really horrid things were going on. Nobody would have guessed. And yep, MH issues for me from age of 7 or 8

Katy07 · 10/01/2017 21:47

I get really weird vibes from her.
Me too. But probably not in the same way as you

anotheryearcomesandgoes · 10/01/2017 21:52

I don't think that anyone has ever use date words teresa may and empathy in the same sentence

I don't think its her thing at all.

(unless to say they cant imagine anyone with less empathy that TM).

anotheryearcomesandgoes · 10/01/2017 21:54

Ooh, what for? I know a few on the list (I always do) but its an odd list this year I think.

OnWiganPierWithNoUmbrella · 10/01/2017 21:56

When it comes to politicians and MH issues I always think of Winston Churchill, Alistair Campbell and John Prescott.....All 3 well noted for having MH diagnoses

manicinsomniac · 10/01/2017 22:18

No, but you're more likely to suffer from mental health problems if you've been abused, raised in poverty, have had a poor education, poor nutrition, unemployment, drug/alcohol abuse and a degraded environment. I highly doubt that Theresa May has experienced these things, therefore, she's had a head start on many of us and probably a pretty cushy life

People with T1 Diabetes are massively more likely to suffer from mental healthy problems than the average.

I don't think she comes across as an empathetic person, based on her public opinions, policies and appearances, no.

But I don't think this particular situation shows a lack of empathy, especially. Perhaps slightly on the back foot answer to an unexpected question that probably seemed quite personal (even if it isn't really in that we all have mental health).

AlcoChocs · 10/01/2017 22:36

YABU. There's no way of telling whether she's lacking empathy from her response to the inerviewer"s question.
I think I'd have said the same thing in her position as would have felt it inappropriate to discuss something so personal.
And I'm extremely empathetic .

helpimitchy · 10/01/2017 23:41

She isn't ashamed of her diabetes. Why are people expected to be ashamed of experiencing mental illness? What's the difference?

It's this taboo which is preventing people from being open and honest which I would much prefer.

manicinsomniac · 11/01/2017 10:08

but mitchy she wasn't asked if she'd experienced mental illness, was she? She was asked how she cares for her mental health? Which we all have, just like we all have physical health. And 'I just get on with it' is a common and valid way of being (the fairly brusque, not analysing feelings or engaging with deeply personal or introspective things, I guess - which actually seems right for what we have seen of TM).

The more I think about it the more the answer 'I just get on with it' is equally as valid an answer as 'I practise mindfulness' - both could seem very minimising and dismissive of mental illness but are just two different approaches when it comes to maintaining mental health

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