Oh for the sake of fuck, Dr Ranj!

[YokoUhOh]

Just bought DS1 the CBeebies 'Food' special edition magazine. It contains my biggest gripy fucking bugbear slap bang in the middle of it (I refer you to the attached pic, and I'm not talking about Dr Ranj's incredible dancing eyebrows).

Why is 'finish what's on your plate' still considered good advice? Surely 'eat however much you fancy' is more sensible? There's a obesity epidemic. AIBU to think that children shouldn't be rewarded for finishing everything put in front of them, especially as most portions are too humongous?

That's a shame as there's an interesting discussion to be had.

DH used to row with the twins' younger brother let's say there weren't many looks genes by the time he was born.

Did you know they're both Oxford Blues?

I have always put smallish portions on ds's plate and he can ask for more if he wants it. In his case the vegetables will be eaten first and then he will ask for more even though there is other stuff on his plate. I do say that has to eat some of the other food before he gets seconds.

My parents were always quite relaxed about what we ate and how much we ate. If we wanted something..chocolate & cake included..we ate it! If we didn't like it or had enough..we didn't eat it. It's a simple concept. That was in the 70s..and to this day I and my siblings are still thin. I have a healthy attitude towards food and my children do too.
My aunt however, who used to berate my mum for her lax attitude, would not allow them to leave the table until the plates were cleared, and sweets were an ultimate no no. She would stand over the table and watch while we and our cousins literally had to shovel it in..like it or not. And strangely enough, her kids developed weight issues in their teens, and still have issues today!

I only ask my son clears his plate when there's not very much on it.

For example, if there is a small piece of steak, a potato and 2 sticks of broccoli, he will be asked to eat it all if he wants dessert.

Grew up with that. Still have problems if I can't finish now. Always feel I have to eat everything.

Haven't passed it on to the kids though.

Also had eating disorder as a teen.

My cousin, like myself, has struggled with her weight since being a teenager. Unlike me she puts it down to being made to sit at the table until she'd cleared her plate as a child. A habit she finds really hard to break, including finishing off anything her kids left when they were young.
l personally cannot eat a great amount in one go. But let me graze, and l'll eat all day.
Everyone's idea of portion sizes is different, and so is everyone's appetite. Surely so long as your children are eating a healthy diet, that's more important than clearing their plate?

What an entitled lot you are, to feel it's fine to load unnecessary food on the plate and encourage children to throw it in the bin. Why can't you encourage your children to participate in choosing how much to put there in the first place so they can learn the importance of portion size themselves and be able to apply it when they aren't with you, instead of mouthing off about something that tbh I see probably pretty reasonable if there is an appropriate amount there in the first place.

Get your own house in order OP.

Sorry but what does AIBU mean?!

Well my kids (theee sons, 12, 5 and 2.... two stepdaughters 7 and 9) are absolute chancres I make it a point to give sensible portion sizes and leave a bit in the pot in case someone wants seconds rather than lobbing the lot on their plates and having the plate size dictate the child's stomach capacity. I make deals with them that if they eat a sensible amount til they're genuinely full , they can leave the rest.
Their grandma came for a visit on a day where I was up to my eyes cooking for five of them and it was also the day they finished up for school hols.(hyper ) I made chicken breasted and sundries tomato pasta, nothing gastronomical but a nutritious meal nonetheless ....grandparents had brought a bag of treats their grandmas husband saw the 7 yr old scowling at her dinner plate (coz she spotted the sweets!) right in front of me he whispers to her "aww do you not like it?!" She shakes her head and does doe eyes, he says "you pass it to me I'll get rid of it for you!" And goes to bin a full plate of chicken and pasta that had literally two spoons eaten from it while my step daughter jumps on her selection box with glee!
I stopped him in his tracks and said what do you think you're doing? Made him pass it her back and told her she can stick to our usual deal of eating til she's genuinely full but like heck is she binning it in favour of sweets.
It's caused a huge rift and apparently I'm the devil now 😈 But so what! Kids need real bloody food after a full day at school. It's too many sweets and other rubbish that's causing obesity. If the portion size is realistic (and the recommended portion size for kids lookd small but it's what they have the stomach for and what's enough for them nutritionally that matters) and you know they're not just tryna get to pudding faster, then they should eat at least what's genuinely enough from their plates.

We were talking about this the other day. DH was always forced to eat everything and now he struggles with his weight and thinks it is partly to do with eating everything as quickly as possible in order to leave the table. He practically inhales his food (which led me to wonder whether his stomach actually knows it has been fed through lack of chewing much). On the other hand, my sister was always a very fussy eater and was never forced and she too struggles with her weight more so. I purposefully put small portions out and we have an 'at least try everything on your plate' thing going. Mine are 7 and 10 now and I think you can push it to a certain limit but I hate green peppers, raw brown onions and grapefruit and would hate to be forced to eat a whole portion.

if there is an appropriate amount there in the first place

That's a big if.

My children don't eat the same amount every day. They don't even eat the same amount of the same meal after the same kind of day (eg sausage and mash on a football match day). That means that when you give an "appropriate amount" sometimes they have seconds, and sometimes they have leftovers.

It's far, far healthier to be driven by your appetite in the moment than by someone else's idea of an appropriate portion.

The other day DC1 (who is "having a grow") had a big portion, then seconds, then cereal, then a cheese sandwich, then fruit. And he's starting to look gaunt.

My mum is constantly surprised that I don't force my kids or try to badger them into clearing their plates.

I am obese. I have been obese for most of the last 10 years. I never feel full and comfort eat a lot. I was taught to eat food for comfort. I don't hold this against my mum, I love her very dearly. My whole family is big. This is just the way we all are and how we've been taught to eat. I have been slowly losing weight and am actually a LOT lower than my heighest weight now. And one of the most important things I've had to learn (and still struggle with!) is to stop eating when I'm full. Even if there's just a few bites left on a plate, I have to make myself stop when I'm full. Because otherwise I will just eat and eat and eat.

I was bullied a lot when I was younger because of my size. I don't want this for my children. I don't want them to struggle with their weight. I don't want them to have to deal with taunts right into their adult lives (I still deal with this and I'm 32 years old and about a size 20/22). I don't want them to struggle with the resulting health issues.

So when they're full, they stop. Yes I do think children should be encouraged to eat. Yes I think they should be encouraged to eat a wide variety of foods. Yes I think they should be encouraged to eat decent sized meals and not snack too much in between. But no, I don't think they should be encouraged to clear a plate of food because it's there. In my mind that would just set them up for all of the issues I deal with and have to fight with now. I'll admit it does annoy when they eat a mouthful and say they're full, and if they do that they are encouraged to eat more. They're expected to try new things (and are actually quite good at that) but if they don't like something I don't make them eat it again. I don't eat things I don't like so I don't see why they shouldn't. I don't let them go to bed hungry either, which some people seem to encourage as a way of stopping them from being 'fussy'. If they point blank refuse to try a new thing, I do get cross but they get a sandwich and fruit. They need to know that food is fuel and that food is delicious, but not to overstuff yourself, try to eat away your feelings or put something in your body that you don't want.

Children start off life knowing when they have had enough, and heeding that signal. The 'clear your plate' attitude teaches them to ignore and override the 'full' signals. So it shouldn't be done. However, I think you do have to be strict - if you say you're full, ok, you can leave your food. But, you don't come back in 5 mins looking for pudding or snacks! Sometimes if I suspect DD just doesn't like her dinner I leave it on the table for 20-30 mins after she says she's full. If she then comes back asking for treats or snacks I tell her she can finish her dinner if she's still hungry- sometimes she does!

Leave his eyebrows alone! I find them quite attractive!

The problem I have with ds is that he often only eats until he his full... but he leaves his vegetables until last so he can avoid eating them.

Then he asks what's for pudding.

So we have this conversation each night;
I'm full, mum.
Ok.
What's for pudding?
Nothing.
But I'm hungry.
Then finish your dinner.
I'm too full to eat my dinner.
Then you can't be hungry.

Mum, I'm hungry....

It's simpler to just say clean plates are expected whether we have pudding or not. I don't pile the food on his plate.

We've always taught our dd to eat how much she wants then stop. She is a perfect weight for height (so good that some people think it's not been inputted properly!) I believe firmly in the you seldom repent having eaten too little and I'm shocked this is in a kids magazine! Surely 'try a bit of everything on my plate' is better advice?

OP is absolutely right: it is totally irrational to assume that parents will dish out appropriate sized portions of a balanced diet. Kids are far better at deciding what's good for them.
FFS.

Is there a sticker for being sanctimonious op?

If so award one to yourself :)

I was forced to eat everything on my plate by my parents and it was really hard when they had put the amount on the plate and it was too much. It was so drummed into me my whole childhood that I struggle to know when I am satisfied and instead eat until I am full. They still do it now, it's a battle, but as I don't eat there much it's not such a problem.

I do it differently with my DCs. I plate up what I think will be the right amount and have some more if they want it, this way they eat the right amount AND there is very little wastage.

gunther you are hereby invited to dinner chez nous don't worry, I won't make you finish everything on your plate

bibble you too!

I realise I might have touched a nerve here, but surely creating battles/tension over food is just a pointless exercise. I have to admit at this point that DS1 refused his dinner earlier, but I knew he'd eaten a decent cooked meal at preschool so I just trusted that he wasn't starving and gave him a piece of fruit.

I really think this is being taken out of context. I'm assuming it's based on the research showing snacking between meals gains weight, and not assuming the young child is being given a huge plate of food and told to finish it even if they are full....