To be upset that woman referred to DD as 'she'?

[dArtagnansCrumpet]

I am prepared for you all to tell me to get a grip. I have social anxiety so no idea if my radar is off..

I used to take my DC to a playgroup before one of them started nursery in September. I hated it full of groups and I was sat alone each week. My DC who has SN has not been doing full hours at nursery because he's been difficult to settle etc and has just after Christmas done his first full week of full sessions. So my youngest hasn't been to this playgroup because I've been picking my other DC up at spontaneous times. I didn't want her to miss out on social interaction so found a group I can leave her and pay to send her 3 times a week.
I've avoided playground pick up up until now but one of the women who's child is now at the same nursery as my oldest DC also went to the same playgroup and has a younger DC still at the playgtoup, hope that makes sense!

So she barely ever speaks to me, fair enough but today she was behind me and my DC held gate open for her and she said to me "so she's at a new group now is she" and rolled her eyes. I was shocked so just smiled. But now I'm thinking of it it's upsetting me she knows her name and didn't even say hello just came out with it. I didn't have my youngest with me at the time.

I saw another woman who goes to the playgroup and told her about my youngest DC and why we weren't going to the other group anymore so she's obviously gone back and told other people.

Aibu?

OP I think she was trying to start a conversation with you, in a friendly way, and given you don't know each other the children are the only common topic of conversation you have at the moment. I agree with PP's that she had almost certainly just forgotten your DD's name.

She may have rolled her eyes in a "kids, what are they like?" kind of way ie inviting you to continue the conversation. And people will occasionally talk about you (but hey, you're posting about them on an internet forum) but IME people are mostly interested in themselves and their own kids and that tends to be the main topic of conversation.

The woman will have no doubt forgotten this interaction 10 minutes after it took place. It will have had no importance to her.

Try to remember that, and remember that it was a unimportant little thing in a day of other unimportant little things. Really not a big deal at all. Try to focus on the nice things that happen in your day rather than the stuff that makes you uncomfortable.

OP - please don't worry! - you are not over- thinking the situation just because you're ''socially anxious'. Personally I've often found myself over-analysing responses from other mums and letting myself get irrationally upset over nothing. As my husband will testify! You will find that playgroups / drop-ins/even school drop off can be quite intimidating if you're in a funny mood or happen to meet someone having an 'off' day. But a good strategy is to arrange a coffee date or other kind of grown-up social interaction with someone you connect with, without the children present to distract attention. That usually sets me right again. Good luck!!

@dArtagnansCrumpet - I am an anxious person, and I over think things too. I also have a terrible memory for names, so if I was the other lady in your scenario, I would have had a complete mind-blank about your dd's name when I saw you, would have said 'she' as the lady did, and would then have gone home to worry that I had offended you!

Tbh, there have been many occasions when I have struggled to remember my own children's names - I can have to go through all three before I hit the right one - and I have lost count of the number of times I have met someone I know - and that I know I know, if you see what I mean - and have been unable to remember their name - so I make conversation in the hopes that either the information will come back to me on its own, or the other person will say something to trigger the memory.

I was about to say the comment she made sounded like she would have rolled her eyes and then seen you say she did.

Don't mind her op she's just one less person you need to give the time of day to.

Other than that I wouldn't find using she in a without eye roll dig context offensive. It is pretty common to use "it"when referring to a young child where I live and it's by no means meant in a horrible way unless followed by an eye roll of course.

I know I care too much about what others think when I shouldn't really. I go over every conversation with strangers and pick it apart incase I said or did something offensive. I also seem to analyse everyone's behaviour and read too much into it so I get upset really easily.

Hopefully CBT will sort me out!

CBT has helped me - I hope it will help you too.