Polter I think it's more a case of, being sad as you come to terms with it, may be a normal and inevitable part of the process. That's not to say we don't move far, far beyond that grief, in time. I wouldn't minimise anyone's sadness here because it is sad, and tough. But I'd also take it as read that eventually, you feel different. As a parent, I mean. Because this thread is about how to handle it as a parent.
I love my son - as we all do our kids - unconditionally for who he is. I haven't let his autism and dyspraxia define him but I was always happy to use that label when I needed to, as it accessed - and continues to access - all kinds of helpful things he needs in order to be able to fulfil his potential.
I did feel a pang of sadness, must admit, when - one of the proudest moments of our lives - he was named as 'Student of the Year' at his college and refused point blank to go to the ceremony as he thought he'd got it 'out of pity'. In fact, I was told later, it had been adjudicated by a panel of people who didn't even know him... Although those who had taught him for a few years were as proud and happy about it as we were.
He's a lovely young man and it goes without saying, that I'd change nothing about him. Let's not minimise how hard it is for parents though when they first get that diagnosis - or assume that because we're talking about the negative, difficult side of autism, it implies we're not shouting from the rooftops about its good side.
It was a long way from that angry, screaming, sad, scared little boy bundled up in a winter coat waiting for the first time for the bus to his special school - to this brave, creative, outgoing, intelligent young man who is an asset to everyone around him. This is the case for all us parents, I think.