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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think The question What did you get for christmas is a strange one for an adult?

118 replies

NormaSmuff · 09/01/2017 07:58

Went back to work and have been asked this question, which always stumps me.
I have a family with 3 dc.

to me Christmas is all about giving and , seeing family.
and tbh I can never remember what I got.
aibu
this question always has me stumped.
my pleasure is seeing the gifts I ahve bought being received. I am not sanctimonious, but I just can never remember

OP posts:

Daisyfrumps · 09/01/2017 09:51

It might be just conversation... Making small talk (that's ok btw - passes the time etc). Or the person might actually like you and be showing a genuine interest in your life. It's a perfectly reasonable friendly thing for someone to say to you.

Do you have healthy self-esteem? Do you find it easy to make friends?

BarbarianMum · 09/01/2017 09:51

kaelea love you are being far too honest. You just say "I got a lovely x" you don't mention that you bought it yourself! Then ask what they got. Conversational deflection.

Asking someone if they had a nice Christmas is no less potentially dangerous than asking what presents they got btw.

Some of you should just wear badges saying "I don't do small talk" to warn the rest of us off.

shovetheholly · 09/01/2017 09:53

I dread this question too, but that's because I like weird stuff. Trying to explain to normal people why a raise bed kit, or a bulk bag of really rich compost, or a complete set of Walter Scott novels from 1829 is the best present ever is difficult.

OhhBetty · 09/01/2017 09:54

Tbh my colleagues ask "did you get anything nice for Christmas?" That leaves you with the option of saying no. We're all in a low paid job so no competitions or anything like that. And many of us worked all over Christmas and new year so asking about a non existent Christmas break wouldn't be applicable. Nor would asking if we had a nice day as many of us couldn't spend it with our families or children only receiving minimum wage with no extra pay.

PunjanaTea · 09/01/2017 09:54

vintageperfumista did I touch a nerve?

Burntbum · 09/01/2017 09:55

YANBU. I hate this question too. If I answer "A jumper" then the next question is then "What else?" When you say "nothing else" all you get is raised eyebrows and a "Really?" and are made to feel inadequate. "What did you get for Christmas?" is a question to ask children IMO.

londonrach · 09/01/2017 09:56

Yabu. Its my main question i ask my patients after xmas. Breaks the ice and gets a conversation working. I have set topics over the year including..any holiday planned etc.

Mrsglitterfairy · 09/01/2017 09:56

I think YABU and actually a little ungrateful if you can't remember what people have bought you. I get loads of amazing gifts from DH and could list them all but also get 'token gifts' from family members which I could also list. I don't think it's a strange question, I always get asked and I'm 30, married with 2 DCs and I ask my friends the same question too

londonrach · 09/01/2017 09:57

Going not working!!

VintagePerfumista · 09/01/2017 09:58

No, why should you?

I said I found it pathetic (stand by it) when adults go on about these things (more the MN threads on missing birthday cards/phonecalls etc, which always makes me think how invested in material things they must be)

Christmas, for me, while being slightly vintage obsessed (check out the ebay 70s baubles I hoard) I'd say is anything but materialistic. Dd wanted to see the lights in London for her present. Hardly an Ipad was it?

As I've said, I have as many friends as the next person I imagine.

So, sorry to disappoint. No nerves touched here.

londonrach · 09/01/2017 10:00

Downwith lol! Id love a patient to say that. Make my clinic and make me laugh!! 😍😜😝

BakeOffBiscuits · 09/01/2017 10:02

Yanbu.

I feel the same, it's a daft question to ask an adult.

"Did you have a nice Christmas break?" is fine but not "what did you get for Xmas?" It makes me think of 6 year olds.

Trainspotting1984 · 09/01/2017 10:09

You're massively over thinking it. Sometimes I wonder how people expect conversations to happen!

mereswinesaliva · 09/01/2017 10:16

Are you "stumped" because you think it's a daft question that shouldn't be asked in the first place or because you genuinely cannot remember what you got? Don't you notice things in your house you didn't have before Christmas? Those would be your Christmas presents

If you don't want to get into a big convo about it, just go with something vague "oh bits 'n' pieces, you know, smelly stuff, chocolates..." just for something to say. The small talk will be over quickly and painlessly that way.

Original poster

NormaSmuff · 09/01/2017 10:20

I guess because my answer never seems to satisfy them, but as has been mentioned upthread, they dont actually want to know the full gory details. It is just chat.

OP posts:

mereswinesaliva · 09/01/2017 10:22

OP - what is your answer? If it's "I can't remember" I suppose they might think that's a bit unlikely. I agree with the others that it's just some superficial chat that's needed. This should be well-satisfied but the vague answer I mentioned earlier.

SapphireStrange · 09/01/2017 10:23

It's thin ice unless you know them and their circumstances very well –they don't necessarily do Christmas, for any number of reasons: religious, personal, family, cultural... They may be lonely and hate/dread Christmas. It could bring up all kinds of feelings for them that they'd rather not think about.

A stupid question to ask someone as a pice of small talk. Plus it sounds like something you'd ask a child, not an adult.

PunjanaTea · 09/01/2017 10:25

Well good to know you have no problems being a judgemental arse who stereotypes entire generations of people for daring to make small talk about christmas presents.

You keep going on about people complaining about the gifts they got or didn't get but that is a different thing entirely.

I may in passing ask if someone got anything nice for christmas as idle chitchat, I have yet to complain about getting the wrong type of rolex/ the wrong card etc.

PunjanaTea · 09/01/2017 10:27

oh and you may not be materialistic but your love of all things vintage would suggest that you may use material things to elevate your feeling of superiority that you have over people who like things that are slightly more modern than your taste it would seem..

LagunaBubbles · 09/01/2017 10:31

I don't struggle with chat, I just think it's an infantile question to ask a fully grown woman!

Yes because you arent allowed to get presents as adults eh? What a miserable attitude.

BarbarianMum · 09/01/2017 10:32

Sapphire if that's your opinion then I guess you don't really talk to anyone outside your immediate family (or work colleagues strictly about work). Because their isn't a single topic of general conversation that doesn't have potential to be upsetting , or irrelevant or tactless to somebody. Yet most of us prefer to have some level facile interaction with our fellow humans.

PunjanaTea · 09/01/2017 10:35

Sorry, I'm in a terrible mood and over-reacting in a slightly to the casual way that people think it's ok to denigrate and stereotype groups of people on the basis of not really much at all in order to make themselves feel more comfortable on their pedestal of righteousness.

Everyone has shit going on, if someone is asking what you got for christmas they are making chitchat. Maybe that topic has been chosen because they are materialistic grabby arses who value everything in life in terms of money and status. Or perhaps they just wanted two minutes of casual human contact and that was the first christmas related topic that popped into their head.

SapphireStrange · 09/01/2017 10:40

Is that right, Mum? Gosh, you know me so well.

I tend to ask things like 'Did you have a nice break?' if I don't know a person well or know/think that they don't do Christmas or have issues with it. People can reply with whatever they want. The chats tend to pass off quite pleasantly and successfully. I do not need to assume they got Christmas presents or ask what they were in order to have a nice chat with someone I haven't seen since before the break.

Thanks, though, for the snotty assertion that I don't have interaction with many fellow humans .

VintagePerfumista · 09/01/2017 10:44

I'm going to back away quickly I think.

Pots and kettles spring to mind that your posts personally attacking me, as an individual, are somehow OK (in your head) while me, generalising and speaking (as I have said numerous times) not about "what did you get for Christmas" but about whiny threads on here that we see ad nauseum, are not, is a bit rich.

And by the way, I talked about my love of vintage baubles to kind of lighten the mood. But you just bitch on.

PunjanaTea · 09/01/2017 10:52

so you don't like it when you're words are used to make assumptions about you, but you think it's ok to use other people's words to make assumptions about entire groups of people?

I've already apologised so won't do so again, but please just think about that.

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