To reproduce my other thread here

[isupposeitsverynice]

Because I realised it is, at heart, an AIBU query? Here it is:

It's relevant to this tale to know that I used to live in the same town as ex and have now moved about five miles away. Also that a couple of years ago DS really, really wanted to go on a school trip that I just couldn't afford, and after the event ex told me I should have booked DS on and he (ex) would have paid half. Finally, as ex can't drive I drop DS off and pick him up every time he goes there - between 26 and 30 weekends of the year, at a rough guess.

So this year the residental trip letters come home and I duly sign DS up and fork out a rather eye-watering amount of money to pay for it, and let ex know the amounts. This was in autumn, probably October/November. I chased ex (politely) for at least some of the money by text on Friday.

Then when I dropped DS round there, ex's girlfriend sent DS to his room and ex (imo, rather pompously) informed me that he didn't want to fall out or anything, but while he was happy to contribute this time, I should realise that he pays his maintenance and so there really is no obligation for him to pay for this sort of thing, and so I shouldn't expect him to do so in future. (Don't know why his girlfriend needed to be there for this cosy little chat)

I am RAGING. I've done all the running around for access/visitation/whatever it's called now for the last three years - I've bent over backwards ever since ex left us to ensure that he maintained a strong relationship with DS. I am rather inclined to tell ex that he's right, we don't want to fall out over things we're not obligated to do, so he can sort his own fucking access out from now on as I won't be doing any more driving on his behalf. Clearly, if I do this, we are going to fall out. But I am really tired of just sucking up his shitty behaviour and keeping on, taking the moral high ground. It just gets me more bullying and shitty behaviour. Am I being hideously unreasonable? My mum says I need to put my foot down once and for all - she had similar with my own dad. My husband agrees. I do, and I want to do it, I'm just concerned about the fall out. If you've managed to slog your way through my tedious whinge then any opinions are gratefully received (unless they disagree, then they can naff off )

I don't know really, re maintenance and what it covers. I had kind of assumed it covers day-to-expenses and not things like this but a couple of posters have expressed the opinion that it's all that ex needs to pay, so fair enough if they're right. I get that I should have mentioned it before booking, but last time I did, and he said he couldn't afford to contribute and just berated me afterwards about ds missing out, so even if I had I reckon we'd be in the same boat. But I'll accept majority opinion that I should've done it anyway, that's fair enough I guess. I still don't know what to do with the access issue. No, i appreciate that it's not his problem that we moved away, but equally I don't think that should mean I'm lumbered with all the ferrying around forever, particularly if ex is going to be a dick about other things like school trip expenses. It's about give and take, in equal measures surely, rather than me giving and him taking? I feel like I'm being taken for a total mug here, and I'm concerned that if I bring this up with ex he will just say I moved so not his problem...

Here's a good example of ex being something of a piss-taker: ds went for tea with a friend in exs home town, and ex expected me to go there, collect ds, and drive him up the road to exs. It was a 15 min walk, max. He did go and get him, in the end, but he was mightily surprised at my reluctance to help out