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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask sil to repay rent money?

85 replies

cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 01:11

Hey everyone !!
Looking for some advise so open to honest opinions. Dh and I decided to save to buy a house so moved into mil's council house and agreed to pay the rent for her for that period. Dh set up a standing order for the rent to be paid and we've paid it on time ever since. After a year, mil did a house swap with sil which was dealt with by the council. After 6 months of living in our sil's prev flat, mil received a letter stating that we are in rent arrears !! We were shocked as, as far as we are aware, we had an so set up. Upon investigation , we realised that we never changed the so and as a result have been paying our sil's rent on mil's previous house as we forgot to change the account details. We've made 6 months of payments before it came to light ! We've now brought it up with sil and she says she's sorry but doesn't have the money to repay us!!! AIBU to think that she should have known that her rent was being paid for her???

We are now moving into our house we bought and are fuming as we've had to pay the rent arrears and obv need the cash to do up our house as it needs a lot of work. We've saved up quite a bit but every penny would help. I don't want to stir any trouble but I am very tempted to be more pushy with sil to try to get her to repay the money . Should I push and risk creating family drama or just take responsibility of the error and shut up!??? Just so you know I don't have the best relationship with her but we are quite civilised.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 21:34

convincingliar I am tempted not to be honest . I do think she should have been a bit more emphatetic towards the situation . She just doesn't care

OP posts:
CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 07/01/2017 22:10

as long as you can prove the money came from your account, which the bank can confirm, they will credit it to the correct account.

If they start fobbing you off with 'pursue it via other means' - don't accept it.

It happened to me when i moved (just one month though!).
I hounded my housing officer til it got done Grin

ENormaSnob · 07/01/2017 22:20

I would play holy hell over this tbh.

And once it was resolved (which I would do everything in my power to ensure happened) I wouldnt speak to the sly, snidey fuckers ever again.

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/01/2017 22:41

I think you should text her on Monday and say "Good news! The Council have told us that they will sort out the confusion with the accounts, so we won't need to ask you to repay the money, but you will need to repay the Council."

Whether it was true or not, I'd like the thought of her shitting herself while she read the text. Grin

snugglecat · 07/01/2017 22:53

We exchanged from a housing association house to a flat. The month after we moved a payment came out for the house. I called them and they explained my account should have been closed and the new person has a new account as it's a new name on the tenancy.

Contact the housing association. Explain that you have been paying for MIL account not SIL account and they shouldn't have taken then money as it's for the wrong account (doesn't matter that they are related) if it's a direct debit you should be able to recall under the direct debit guarantee

One thing to note , they usually send letters if the balance is more than 4 weeks rent . I think someone's been hiding this.

Good luck

MissWimpyDimple · 07/01/2017 23:08

If it's the same council they should be able to credit the correct account.

I work in private rentals and deal with the rent payments. People often give the wrong reference and we have to just swap things around and recredit.

However this would usually come to light within about 2 weeks max! I do find it strange that none of the parties involved realised.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 07/01/2017 23:48

i would think arrears letters have been going to the sil - as account address obviously hasn't been changed.

if that's confirmed, it means she has also been hiding the letters from your mil/opening her mail.....
So your rent arrears on your new address will also be noted on your credit file - which will need sorting - thanks to sil.

She has kids herself so it makes it that much worse that she chose to keep silent and put your tenancy and security at risk.

Perhaps mil could make adjustments in her will from sil's portion to rectify any costs you have to bear? Grin

Original poster
cherry2727 · 07/01/2017 23:55

Ahhh ok... Thanks snugglecat misswimpydimple it's reassuring to know that it can be solved ! Monday will be judgement day I guess- really nervous about the outcome but glad to know that it's possible.

Mrsschadenfreud hahahahaha this is soo tempting ! If we get some good news on Monday I will definitely volunteer to do this! I'll prob even pay her a visit to tell her the "good news" face to face !

OP posts:
SpartacusWoman · 08/01/2017 00:23

You say the rent on sils home (mils old home) is £50 more than where she lived before, which would mean your rent reduced by £50, how on earth did your husband not spot the error when he reduced his standing order?

So for eg, sil was paying 300 a month, but her rent is now £350 after the swap

And you were paying £350 a month but it's now £300 after the swap.

If your dh didn't realise his error when he adjusted the direct debit to £300, and mil also didn't know her rent wasn't being paid, is it so unreasonable that the sil didn't know either?

Sil knew to stop paying on her old property, but did she actually pay anything on the new property? How can she be in arrears on the new one if you have been paying it? Or has she just not been paying the £50 extra?

It's staggering that the arears have been allowed to build up for six months, and part of me wonders if the reason your mil hasn't mentioned it before is because she knew sil wasn't actually paying what she should be on the new property?

I'd be annoyed too, with dh for not paying attention when adjusting the standing order, if it's been a case of sil has been paying council her rent and won't have been told she's in credit. (You'll need to chase the council if this is what's happened)

With sil if she's been aware and stuck her head in sand, she will say though that she's paying her own rent, plus the arrears and can't afford to pay you back.

And also with mil if it comes to light she knew sil was deliberately letting you and dh pay her rent but didn't speak up. This sounds more believable that the council letting two households run up arrears for six months to be honest.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/01/2017 02:11

If your MIL has been hiding the fact the rent is in arrears and you can't get the council to sort it out, I would be tempted to tell her to get the balance (or part of it) from SIL herself, rather than taking on responsibility for MILs rent arrears. She is surely the one ultimately responsible for her rent on the property and not informing you of the problem when it surfaced was itself really poor behaviour.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/01/2017 02:12

On the other hand, its easy to be all bravado about it to a stranger on the Internet. In reality I might well take your DH's position if council won't sort. But it would totally sour my relationships with the two of them.

Original poster
cherry2727 · 08/01/2017 02:45

spartacuswoman it was a standing order that my husband set up and not a direct debit . I do admit that it was his fault as well a he never changed the standing order. Hence he didn't change the reference or the amount . Once we moved , he just carried on as normal not realising that we needed the change the so. When mil mentioned the arrears letter we were shocked and then realised that we hadn't changed the account details . Complete oversight on my hubby's side too.. Which has left me annoyed with him as well! I'm not sure whether my sil cancelled her old dd or so.. She must have ! She could be lying that she's in arrears to play the Pity game so we wouldn't ask for the money back. I do smell a fish there !

boomboomscousin I haven't even thought of that but it makes sense why mil isn't kicking up a fuss... She prob knew all along. I'm glad i posted here as Its helped me look at things differently. I think I'll ask mil to see all the letters and ask her when she received them tomorrow . I do need to get to the bottom of this. I've counted the money lost but I kinda want to know whether everyone is being credible here

OP posts:
seven201 · 08/01/2017 14:53

Your sil is taking the absolute piss here! There's no way you wouldn't notice not paying rent for 6 months! I think best case scenario is she thought it was a council error and could get away with it, worst case she knew you were paying it. Only way I could have forgiven someone like that is if they'd been willing to help solves the problem and at least to pay some all of it back, even if it was in tiny instalments. I am also suspicious of your MIL. Urgh

BabychamSocialist · 08/01/2017 14:56

No, YANBU at all and your SIL is being cheeky.

Lonelyatxmas · 08/01/2017 15:08

What a nasty person your sil is. She is behaving very badly and you don't owe her anything. I'd be tempted to report her for theft TBH.

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 08/01/2017 16:00

I hope you get it back, sil must have known about it

Cheby · 08/01/2017 16:38

What your husband has done is made a small administrative error, which should be easily resolved by the council.

What your SIL has done is called theft. She must have simply stopped paying rent entirely. There is simply no way that anyone wouldn't realise that. No way.

There is no way I would let this drop OP. For me, the relationship would already be over, because SIL has knowingly and deliberately stolen (presumably) thousands of pounds from you. So if you have no luck getting it credited to the correct account by the council, i would 100% be pursuing through small claims. Good luck.

HeirOfNothingInParticular · 08/01/2017 17:32

It's irrelevant that the money was paid into your SILs account (although she is despicable doing this). The council should treat you as two separate accounts, and be able to credit the money to correct account, the same as they would if the other person wasn't known to you. You need to stick to your guns with the council tomorrow.

Please don't let your DH and MIL persuade you from sorting this out. It wasn't her money to take, and she knew full well where it was coming from.

What was your MIL playing at? I would we cutting contact with the pair of them in the future.

Good luck in your new home.

mickeysminnie · 08/01/2017 19:21

If your husband didn't change the SO at all how is your sil in rental arrears? If you were still paying the full rent for the more expensive property was your sil already in arrears when she moved?
And I do think your mil knew what was happening but was happy to push you into effectively paying your sil's rent. I notice your PIL didn't suggest they pay the arrears and your sil owe them!
Don't be surprised if you get a 'distress call' sometime in the future looking for you to save them from eviction.

bloodyteenagers · 08/01/2017 20:32

Your mil knew.
If she believed that you both were paying the rent then instead of stashing letters about arrears she would have been asking wtf.
She is also chatting shit about not opening the letters because they had arrears written on the envelopes.
She's probably only mentioning it now because she has a court date for eviction.
Sil having arrears as well. How? Regardless of you guys paying her rent, she would have also had to pay her own rent.

None of this is making any sense.

If this move was done legitimately through the council the rent should be in a holding account. Beucase when you move the old account is closed and a new rent number issued.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 08/01/2017 22:21

maybe MIL should start paying her share of the rent and bills........might make her think twice.

BoomBoomsCousin · 09/01/2017 04:44

That is interesting Heir. So SIL's rent hasn't actually been being paid, hence why she is in arrears. Money is just sitting in council coffers somewhere and not being applied to anybody's rent? In which case, SIL doesn't seem bad at all and wouldn't be responsible for paying back OP.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/01/2017 05:00

I'm really interested to hear that the council were happy to accept rent payments from a third party who were not on the tenancy. Aren't there v strict rules as to who is allocated council housing?

It all sounds dodgy as hell.

Original poster
cherry2727 · 09/01/2017 15:00

bibbbitybobbityyhat it isn't dodgy at all though it might sound to you. My hubby rang the council and actually asked them to have the rent deducted from his account as he lives with her and they were ok with that. ( well, my mil also had to speak to them and grant her approval as well) I don't think many places care so much who's paying your bills as long as it's being paid. I pay my hubby's credit card bill using my debit card all the time. I do not know too much about council rules Etc but only going based on our experience so far.

bloodyteenagers the account stayed the same . There were a few conditions we had to meet prior to the swap like not have any arrears . So as far as we were concerned neither accounts were in arrears because the swap wouldn't have been approved by the council. It's only the tenants name which changed and not the account numbers. ( well that's the impression we were given when we made the initial phone call re the rent arrears)

My hubby spoke to the council this morning and they want my mil to put it in writing and sign it. I am going to draft the letter this evening and hopefully she signs it. We are not going to tell my sil this as yet though I'm sure my mil will do the honours ! Lol I appreciate what she's done by letting us stay in her home to help us on the property ladder and don't want to upset her but I do think 6 months worth of rent is a lot of money to just let go and she wasn't the one who actually helped us.

Thanks to everyone for your advise/ opinion.

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 09/01/2017 15:08

Good luck with getting mil to sign it. I bet she drags her feet. How strong is your DH going to be or will he back down if mil is reluctant?