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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH being a dick again

27 replies

BoBo16 · 07/01/2017 00:07

Ex has split with long term partner, therefore his usual access arrangements with our kids has changed slightly. All this means is that basically instead of having them overnight every other week, he's just taking them out for the day instead (as he's living at his mothers).

I asked DS2 what was happening tomorrow and he said he was going out shopping with his dad, fair enough. Personally I couldn't give a shit either way, youngest is almost 16!

DH on the other hand launches into a scathing attack on how out of order ex is, how we shouldn't all be sat around waiting to hear his plans, how we need to know exact times etc that the kids (adults!?) are being picked up so that we're not making meals that don't need to be made etc etc 🙄 I said "well I'm assuming it will be same as usual, we'll be providing lunch and he'll be sorting their dinner - either way it's hardly my fault" so he replies "well actually, it is your fault because you don't keep a tighter reign on what's going on".

I lost my shit at this because I'm sick to death of being blamed for shit that is out of my control so I went back at him and said he was being ridiculous to suggest that any of this was my fucking fault and it's absolutely nothing to do with me.

He carried on suggesting that it was my fault that we don't have a timed schedule for tomorrow.

AIBU or is he being a total fucking lunatic? The kids are 16 and 18. Too old in my opinion for 'contact weekends' anyway but even so - why the fuck does it need to be so timed and specific and if those specifics are not met, how the holy mother of Christ is it my fault??? I don't even communicate with the bloke!! Sick of being ordered around and blamed for every fucking thing.

OP posts:
pictish · 07/01/2017 00:10

Yanbu. Sounds like he was picking a fight.

Original poster
BoBo16 · 07/01/2017 00:11

He was! Don't know why but he's constantly on the look out for a excuse to start about the ex. It's getting boring.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/01/2017 00:11

Tell him to fuck off like really fuck off

Patriciathestripper1 · 07/01/2017 00:13

Sounds like he's s bit jealous to me

Ohdearducks · 07/01/2017 00:20

King Dick of Dickland. What a bore, refuse to engage with it, sounds like he's trying to antagonise you. Silly pleb.

Ilovecaindingle · 07/01/2017 00:20

I wouldn't even be in contact with him. The kids are old enough to make plans with him themselves.

Crispbutty · 07/01/2017 00:26

It's her current dh who's being a dick Cain.

SpareASquare · 07/01/2017 00:32

My children are around the same age as yours and they manage their own relationship with their father.
Yes, your DH is being a dick. At those ages it really isn't a concern of his. Sure, nice to know if you don't need to feed them, but hardly the end of the world either.

joystir59 · 07/01/2017 00:32

He (DH) is jealous of your ex OP

ciderfairy3009 · 07/01/2017 00:38

End of the day your dc are old enough to send you a text of what they are doing and whether they will be home for meal times! Sounds like your dh is jealous that they are not his or he's using that the cause a problem for whatever reason! Yanbu he's just being a total ass!

MrsMcMoo · 07/01/2017 00:39

Yanbu

user1471545174 · 07/01/2017 00:46

Not only jealous, but nervous as your ex is back on the market and he thinks (in the irrational way of men) that you will go off with him Grin

I am being kind of lighthearted but subconsciously I think this might be happening, so I'd cut him some slack and be reassuring.

user1476869312 · 07/01/2017 00:52

Is your current H a dick about other things? Was your ex the same sort of dick or a different sort? It's not uncommon for women who have had one unreasonable bully of a partner to pick another one...

caringcarer · 07/01/2017 00:57

Tell him to back off and allow your kids to sort out their relationship with their Dad on their own. Tell DH you don't want to get involved with ex in sorting out access. They are old enough to sort it out themselves and your DH could take advantage of not having kids around to take you to do something nice on your own. He is a man and feeling insecure so taking it out on you!!

Freyanna · 07/01/2017 00:58

Yanbu, DH is stirring up trouble for no good reason.

BeezerBubble · 07/01/2017 01:04

Going against the grain but I think you should concentrate on your DH/life rather than planning meals etc. around kids who may or may not be around? If you're providing lunch that assumes that any plans your DH may have, or would like to have for the two of you are scuppered cos your catering for someone who may or may not be there.

Jux · 07/01/2017 01:21

Oh bless, he's jealous and insecure. He's probably thinking that you are both around all the time to do the donkey work while ex is being disney dad, and that he's losing whatever status he had with the boys. He's also a bit pissed of woth being taken for granted and meals and stuff being wasted.

With my teen (17) she can go wherever and whenever she likes, but I want to know what where and when. I want to know what I am expected to do, ie, if she's going to be around for food, or needs washing kept an eye on (she does her own, but drying of washing needs to be kind of planned). I might tell her that I expect her to be back by a certain time, or that I'll put her meal in the oven to keep warm.

People who live together do need to communicate, so I can see his point. It's not your fault, but maybe you need to let the boys know that you need to know their plans.

Topseyt · 07/01/2017 01:51

He is being a massive twat.

Tell him that none of what he ranted about bothers you at all and that you have no intention of letting it. Then refuse to engage further and just leave him ranting away like a lemon to himself.

TheNaze73 · 07/01/2017 07:28

Your DH is acting & sounding like a bell end.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2017 07:34

Yup, you're husband is being an aggressive twat. Either he is jealous of the ex or he was simply wishing to fight with you., or maybe both.

Your kids however should be managing the relationship with their father and informing you of the plans,

Original poster
BoBo16 · 07/01/2017 08:37

He's a massive hypocrite too - his kids come here on a Saturday only half the time they don't and we don't get to known either way until around half an hour before he's meant to be picking them up! So how is that any different?

OP posts:
Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 07/01/2017 08:45

OOi, why did you split? ...no need to post but it may affect his present situation?.

Yes he is OOO but don't loose your cool. His domestic arrangements are not your concern. He has an obligation to care for children not a priveledge to see them.

ohfourfoxache · 07/01/2017 08:49

Is he still being a tool today?

He does sound like a bit of a prat tbh

jeaux90 · 07/01/2017 08:51

Bobo your last post puts a whole different spin on it. It's no different at all by the sounds of it and he sounds like he is being a right nob.

ChuckSnowballs · 07/01/2017 08:55

his kids come here on a Saturday only half the time they don't and we don't get to known either way until around half an hour before he's meant to be picking them up! So how is that any different?

What does he say when you point this out to him?