In laws won't visit

[WhateverShallIdo]

Never posted before so please be kind but this is starting to really bother me....

Bit of background, we live away from in-laws but other siblings and families still in same village. We visit as often as we can (3-4 times a year if not more if possible). In the past 7 years PIL's have visited us just 3 times, the last being over 2 years ago and for siblings it's between 3 and 5 years. We all get on very well and there is no bad feeling between anyone (that I am aware of?!)....I don't understand why they don't want to come and stay.....AIBU to feel hurt that they don't actively make time....we are busy too but realise that it's important to visit to stay connected.....or should I just accept that they are too busy......I just can't imagine not going to visit my children or grandchildren for that or any length of time! Thanks for your thoughts....again, please be kind - have recently re-found Mumsnet and love the community of it and look forward to joining in 

Dhs family is frustratingly like this. He's from France. We would always visit his family at least twice a year but only one family member other than his father ever bothered to come and see us. We lived in various different countries so had the added issue that we were in neither's home country thus two sets of family to visit. Then when we moved just over an hours drive away from his family, we thought maybe some of them would come and see us. We had a "family party" and some of them came to this. But this was the only one off visit in 3 years. Dh went to his cousins wedding and we all went to their daughters christening even though their parents didn't bother to bring them all over to our wedding. We actually planned our entire summer holiday around the christening. Needless to say, I'm not terribly eager to visit any more after almost 20 years of one sided shit. So we only really keep in touch with the ones, who bother about us these days. And his father of course, who hasn't been here in a year. He used to come 4 times a year but can't be bothered these days. I get it. He's 80. But I'm chronically ill and he's in far far better health than me. We are going at half term. But the rest of the family can't even be bothered to come and see us in his father's house, which is 2 miles away.

How comfortable is your guest accommodation? Do you have a decent spare room and bathroom?

Thanks all, frustrating as it is I have to agree that it's just the way it is and will just get on with it - glad to hear it's not just us. Sparkletastic we give them our room.

Maybe they feel they are turfing you out and inconveniencing you? Kudos on giving up your room though - DH and I never do that!

I think it's probably then that they can't imagine seeing you by themselves, it's a family get together or nothing, and arranging everyone to travel 2 hours is a big faff, much easier to get just you to do the travelling...

Not Mother's Day then, but pick another date, ask just them for the weekend and see what they say.

When doing the half way thing, invite just one sibling, break the "we have to all see WhateverShallIDo together or not at all" habit.

Suggestion, you could look up a local event that will occur later in the year eg festival or charity event and invite them to join your family for a day out - something for you all to look forward to
or
birthday party

You can suggest accomadation at your house or hotel or AirBnB they could stay for a weekend or travel back

If they make an excuse not to attend, then at least you have tried

However, I think some people dont like
travelling
being out of their comfort zone
spending money
not being in control
But expect other family members to do all of the above with no questions asked

With my inlaws it's a power thing.

In their house they are boss however obviously in our house we are boss and they are not ready to accept that our house might just be the new heart of the family rather than theirs.