Kids ignoring each other on individual tablets, whilst meant to be having a playdate...

[TheMouseTheBirdAndTheSausage]

(I hope this is supposed to be put here, sorry if not, I'm new to Mumsnet).

Today my six year old, (for reference she's my charge not my daughter), had a friend over, also six. We braved the cold weather for a morning playing outside, and then came in around lunch time to get warm and dry. After lunch I went to sort laundry, etc and left them building a fort in her bedroom. When I went to check on them about 30 mins later, I found them at either end of the den, both on separate tablets (one watching a video, and the other playing games) completely ignoring each other! At which point I made them hand over the tablets, and gave them a talk about politeness and being sociable...

It's not like my charge has friends over all the time, it's actually very rare that we have anyone round. I remember loving having friends over when I was little, and never wanting to stop playing, being really sad when they or had to leave. It really shocked me that they could be so antisocial, especially so young. I know technology is just a part of life now, and of course kids should use it, but it makes me sad that it seems to be turning them into little recluses.

My Ds and friends sit there playing with each other on either Minecraft or Roblox in the same game. Lots of communicating and enjoyment.
Dd being autistic prefers to just play on line and not bother with people interupting her playing, singing and dancing in real life!

MistressMerryWeather I think I felt they were completely ignoring each other because of the tablets. You're absolutely right about micromanaging, I don't do that! In fact I'm completely against that!! Their parents tend to have them over scheduled (I'm my opinion), I on the other hand let them play on their own with no interference (obviously unless they need me). When I said playdate I literally meant having a friend over to play no scheduled activities, maybe I used the wrong word? I'm sure you had friends over... I think it may just be an issue with technology I'm not a big user and never have been. I grew up in the country playing mostly outside all day with my siblings and cousins. I think I need to loosen up a little with regards to technology, I'll have a think about it.

I think you're overreacting. They were enjoying some quiet time, what's the big deal?

Try not to fixate on screens as negative, but rather take a more holistic approach. If the children are managing routines and expectations around behaviour, are getting time outside, and are socially competent then it's all cool.

You may find this helpful www.google.co.nz/amp/amp.livescience.com/56577-screen-time-guidelines-for-kids.html?client=safari

No, no you didn't use the wrong word. I have actually only ever seen people use it on MN.

People can be very scary about them here. (I'm not saying you are by the way) :o

My best friend and I would do separate things when we spent time together. One person would be reading while the other drew/wrote stories/played with a toy.

We didn't need to interact constantly. It was just nice to be in each other company.

It's the same with DS's and his friends.

each other's*

Yes if you need a quiet half an hr but not when their friends are round

Why not? What does being six have to do with it?

They had a busy morning, spent time building a fort then relaxed with their tablets for half an hour.

What harm is it causing?

my 6yo and 11yo went to friends to play tonight. Some of the time was on the iPads, some of the time was outside and some of the time they were just playing. We left them to it. I find that kids will find their own level. If they are not structured wrt iPad time etc they will often go of and do something else.

Besides after a day at school they need to chill out. Constant interaction can be exhausting

Oh right, it's just what the parents I meet from school refer to them as. Duly noted!

Hmm... okay I will totally take on board what you have said. You're right, constant interaction is not necessary with friends. That sounds lovely actually. The funny thing is I wouldn't have minded them doing that at all, so it was definitely the tablets themselves that got to me.... Like I said she doesn't really go on it when I'm looking after her, so it seemed rude that she was when she had a friend around. She's not very good socially, and she often falls out with friends because of it. I didn't tell them off per se, just asked them for the tablets and explained how it was rude to ignore guests. I guess I wouldn't go on my phone or tablet when I am with a friend, as I would think I was being rude. Part of my job is to teach manners, but I suppose it is different for kids in some respects. Thank you all for your opinions, I appreciate it.

Thank you JerryFerry I will have a look at that.

Where did the friend's tablet come from? Did she bring it?

I would probably have let them watch to the end of what they were watching, as that is just good manners and then move them on to something else.

You sound like a brilliant nanny, Mouse.

I imagine it's very easy to be weary of 'The Device' boogie man. They have a terrible reputation but the truth is they are harmless and can actually be beneficial when used properly. People are just a bit dramatic.

It's just a matter of getting the right balance.

If she struggles socially then half an hour of 'separate togetherness' might be just what she needs when friends are over.

The second tablet was her sister's tablet witsender.

My sil allows this and it's awful not only it's she drawing my children to wanting to sit and play on the I pad with games that are far to old for them it's anti comical and because it's hers she dosent want to share so it's often dN sitting on it while my younger girls stand in front of her just watching her play if your children can't spend an afternoon with another child just playing

Best yu get the GP of just keep them at home

Give them some colouring if you think they need a rest.

Actually, they were the ones who decided they needed a rest.

They decided to chill out on their tablets.

You barging in and deciding they should be colouring instead, and for no good reason is micro-managing, itsmine.

Plenty of children are able to enjoy tablets without relying on them.

Thank you MistressMerryWeather I hope so, I love my job and my girls, getting it right is very important to me.

You're absolutely right, I'm not averse to using devices at all, just don't want them to become glued to them!! And also want to instill good manners. Yes, we need to work on getting a balance. The girks don't use any devices that often around me so this was new territory for us. She's very sociable but she can be a bit rude towards her friends, doesn't like to share etc and rubs them up the wrong way. I think that you have a point about letting her have a breather when she has a friend over, as it may just help her think through things and deal with the situation. I hadn't thought of that before.

Thank you itsmine, definitely not!!! But it's genuinely good to hear what everyone else thinks, and I'm going to have a proper think about it all and decide what to do next time. I am still not entirely sure what I think is right, but may do as some have suggested and leave them for a little bit and then tell them it's time to do something else. I think part of the problem is that I would find it unacceptable and rude if a friend went on their phone or iPad whilst we were together, and don't want the girks to think that this would be okay. But children do interact in a different way to adults. I think I may talk to the them about devices and balance, and we'll talk it over together.

If she doesn't have friends over very often, and finds social stuff a bit difficult sometimes, then yes after a whole morning and lunch together presumably being "on her best behaviour" aged 6, she probably did need half an hour to chill out, retreat and maybe glaze a little bit!
I remember with DS at that age our "play dates" were 2 hours, maybe 3 at most as after that the kids could get a bit antsy with each other and needed their own toys/space/pet whatever back and that was enough interaction.
I think maybe all day play dates are a bit much unless they are very good friends who get along very well. Yes, they may be at school all day together but there are lots of other people/distractions/learning (hopefully!) going on, not as intense as a 1:1 in her room. I don't think it was rude for them both to have a little rest!