To be annoyed that play date was cancelled again

[FluffyAnimalsRule]

DD is 5 and she has a friend that she was at nursery with (they were very very close friends there) who now goes to a different school. As they are at different schools and both i and the other girl's mum work full time we find it hard to find time to catch and up organise play dates.

Before Christmas we made a plan to have a play date tomorrow and I got a text earlier saying that she has decided to take her daughter swimming instead, at her daughter's request. Apparently she hadn't told her daughter about the play date and wants to do what her daughter requested.

My DD was looking forward to the play date and i am annoyed on her behalf that this has happened.

It happened last time we organised a play date as well - on that occasion she ended up taking her daughter to the cinema. Circumstances felt slightly different in that her DS wasn't well so she didn't want to be out of the house for as long as a play date would take - but seemingly found the time to go to the cinema so i draw my own conclusions on that.

I don't mind people cancelling on me at the last minute even though i think it's rude unless there is a better reason than 'i just decided to do something else' but I do mind them doing it to DD.

And before anyone says it's clear that her daughter doesn't want a play date with DD - she confirmed to me that her DD knew nothing about the play date and she didn't tell her. When our DDs are together they revert to playing as if they were still best mates and they definitely both want to continue to see each other. And i see this other woman for drinks and dinners so it's not a clear cut she wants nothing to do with me either.

So, AIBU to be annoyed that this has happened again or is it acceptable to change firm plans you have made with somebody else with less than 24 hours notice when other children are involved and your DD isn't aware of the full consequences of their request?

No, it's rude. Just don't bother arranging anything again. Your kids will get preoccupied with their school friends soon enough and that will be plenty.

Yanbu. V rude and I'm shocked she was honest with you!!

I remember your last post about the cancel - she ob has no manners and I wouldn't be arranging anything else... Or maybe do and cancel at the last minute. . .?

Just politely cut them both completely out of your family's life.

There must be many more people deserving of your DDs company.

I would also stop trying to organise a playdate. Your DD will make other friends and this woman is very rude.

Really rude. Ask another friend instead.

It's a shame for the girls, but just don't bother anymore. She isn't interested.

Yanbu. She's very rude.

I've had this recently as well. "Oh my brother's in town today so I'm going to spend time with him" and "Oh you know that play date we arranged in your town for the morning, my car broke down so I can only do my town but only in the afternoon" (yeah right) or she will invite me to her house and then say "actually I'll come to you". EVERY. SINGLE. PLAYDATE.

PS. I wouldn't fall out with her, just arrange other playdates or arrange to meet someone else at the same time so if she does flake out again, no loss to your DD. Just stop making an effort with her.

Yanbu

I'd give up on her tbh, your DD will make other friends

YANBU- it is rude!

Very rude and also weird.....I mean, if her dd said "Mummy I would like to go swimming", if she had then said "Oh we have organised for you to go and play with X" i bet her dd would have been delighted with that plan! But to not tell her .....just weird. Wouldn't bother with them anymore tbh.

Ummm weird all around!

Weird she'd cancel "just because", weird she never told her daughter there was a play date (which she would have wanted), and weird she'd send a text to tell you all that - completely unbothered. What a jerk. I think she really deserves a text from you informing her how she's made you and your dd feel, and that you won't be organising anything again.

You have to text back saying your dd is disappointed and upset.

It's good to hear that MN doesn't think (so far) that AIBU. I won't be organising any more play dates, i'm just sad for DD. I did actually send her a text saying 'oh ok, but i think DD will be upset' and she responded that 'she was surprised I'd told DD about the play date - why had i done that?'. Very odd - i thought it was normal to let your children know when you had arranged something with their friends... I shall ensure that DD has plenty of other play dates, it's just that this was her first ever good friend and it's always sad when you lose that.