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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be creepy to contact her again?

48 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 06/01/2017 17:55

I posted this in What Would You Do but only got one response so I thought I'd share here & see what you all thought.

I met my childhood friend when I was 6 years old - we're 26 now. We were really good friends for all of primary & high school, until the very last year of high school when we started to drift apart. No fall outs or anything, we just seemed to be going our separate ways, & then she got a job overseas. We didn't have very much contact after that. just a few comments or emails on Facebook.

I see her occasionally when she's visiting back home, but only when she pops into the shop I work at (she always asks other staff members to get me so she can speak to me personally).

Last time I seen her she told me she would be in town for 3 months, so I asked if she would like to meet up for lunch/coffee. She said she would love to & we agreed to arrange it over Facebook as I had to get back to work.
I emailed her that same day & I she never replied, so a week later I gave her a call. She sounded absolutely thrilled that I had called her (something I was quite nervous about doing as it had been so long) & we had a good chat for around 30 mins. She told me she would be free all the next week so I was to let her know what day worked for me best (once I got my shifts for the next week).

I couple days after the phone call I texted her saying I was free any day - no reply.
Another few days later I texted again (cause I thought maybe she just didn't get my message), but still no reply.

I spoke to one of our mutual friends about it & she said "oh she's really bad for not replying to texts, she does that to me too, just text her again".
This friend also told me how my childhood friend had gushed to her about how lovely it was that I had called her, & she had told her we had been planning to meet up.

So a couple of weeks later I did, & I still didn't get a reply.

I'm not sure what to do..
I would really like for us to catch up properly, we really were great friends! I understand maybe she's just very busy atm but I don't know why she would ignore my texts. I'm feeling quite hurt by this.

I thought perhaps she was just being polite in saying she would like to meet up properly, but then I don't know why she would make the effort to stop by my work to chat if she didn't want to see me.

I don't want to seem desperate or creepy by sending another text.
What would you do?

OP posts:
MistyMinge · 06/01/2017 21:09

Definitely leave it. Forgetting to reply to the first text would be likely, but second and subsequent texts highly unlikely. It's hurtful but if she really wanted to meet up she knows where you are and has your number. If she's not back permanently she is probably really busy catching up with family, other friends and having trips etc.

Blacksox · 06/01/2017 21:10

I would leave it - I suspect she's too polite to say anything to your face but probably doesn't want to see you.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 06/01/2017 21:11

Oh no I'd leave it! That's a lot of ignoring - no one can be that crap surely?!

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 06/01/2017 21:14

And her friend probably wouldn't say 'oh yeah she's probably ignoring you'

Couchtofivek · 06/01/2017 21:15

Leave it. Yes to 'selectively scatterbrained'. You can bet if she'd recently had a job interview or a chat with the bank or a hot date she'd reply to them sharpish.

She's not bothered. Harsh but true. I've been all but ghosted by a long term friend, I put it down to her being busy etc but now I realise she's just not bothered. Sad, but true.

BIgBagofJelly · 06/01/2017 21:16

I probably wouldn't bother personally but I wouldn't think it would be creepy of you to call her. If she actually doesn't want to see you she should just say she's busy rather than being enthusiastic then going silent - very rude.

MotherTeresasCat · 06/01/2017 21:21

I have a friend like this. Sometimes I'll get a reply to a text so late (like a few days later) that I've forgotten what I said in my original text! She's scatty, chronically late, and sometimes doesn't reply to stuff. It grinds my gears.

BUT. And it's a big but. She does initiate just as much as I do. So I'll receive texts and calls from her wanting to spend time with me, and I feel valued as a friend even though her scattyness can be annoying.

If it had been only me chasing her around I would have given up on her by now.

YouHadMeAtCake · 06/01/2017 21:26

I would leave it. Maggie is spot on, bad for the soul, your self esteem too. I have given up chasing friends who clearly don't give a fuck.

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 06/01/2017 21:48

Thanks for all the responses, it's hard to decide what to do!
Myself & other friends can sometimes take a couple days to reply to each other, & it's not rudeness it's just that we forget! I never usually reply to texts straight away myself.

I'll maybe leave it until we bump into each other again at my work - I do wonder if she would say anything about the texts though.

OP posts:
lyricaldancer · 06/01/2017 21:48

It woudn't be creepy, only rather pointless. She obviously isn't interested. I would give up.

BalloonSlayer · 06/01/2017 21:50

I'd suggest calling her.
She might have some odd issue with texting you don't know about.

blowmybarnacles · 06/01/2017 21:52

Email and say your putting her on the back burner, you are busy as she is too and hope all is well and you'll send her a postcard from New Zealand.

or somewhere equally far afield.

If that doesn't get her arse into gear, nothing will.

Christmascrackedit · 06/01/2017 21:53

Just send one more 'signing off' message on fb? Say you'd still like to meet up, just get in touch if u want to, no worries of you don't. And then forget about it. Up to her then! You've done all you can.

BalloonSlayer · 06/01/2017 21:55

Sorry for short post - posts haven't worked well for me.

Perhaps she can't cope with texts or reacts badly to them. People have odd reactions to all sorts of things - you'd be surprised.

Why not call and make a date?

If she cancels/doesn't turn up then you have your answer. But she has been enthusiastic when you have spoken.

What have you got to lose?

a) a teensy weensy bit of pride because you chased someone who turned out not to want to meet you despite repeatedly saying they do

or

b) a lifelong friend

KnittedBlanketHoles · 06/01/2017 21:58

I think you should phone rather than text.

ImpetuousBride · 06/01/2017 22:06

I disagree with those saying you should give her a call. While she sounded "thrilled" to hear from you and mutual friend told you so, the facts speak otherwise, don't they?

If someone genuinely wants to see you they will make an effort. Indeed, she could have messaged you first after the phone call.

Also, you had sent her Facebook messages to which she did not respond. Did the "seen" alert appear?

I can see how this woman could be the type who would just ignore texts if she doesn't feel interested yet isn't assertive enough to give a straight "no" either. When you did call her you probably caught her by surprise and being non - assertive she had to say how thrilled she was.

Lastly, it is possible to that she wanted to see you for a bit of shit xhat when she first stopped at the store. Then you suggested coffee which she politely said yes to, as what else could she say really.

Maybe I'm just negative minded but honestly... if she wasn't receiving messages/didn't hear from you she would have picked up the phone herself by now. Instead she is being evasive and ambiguous and making you wonder what the hell's happening. Rude.

ImpetuousBride · 06/01/2017 22:09

*chit chat (sorry typing from phone😂)

EuropeanSwallow · 06/01/2017 22:12

Don't text her or call her. You've done your bit and she hasn't got back to you. If she wants to get in touch with you she will and leave it to her to arrange a time and date to get together. All you're doing right now is feeding her ego. This kind of behaviour is not delightfully scatty or prioritising a busy busy important schedule: it's plain rude.

People like this, all over you, so great to see you, oh we must get together are oh so lovely during those brief encounters when they make it look like they've gone out of their way to seek you out. No, they're fulfilling their 'social' duty because they want you to still like them and keep you on a string when they couldn't give a shit about you. That way you tell others how lovely they are meanwhile you get nothing in return. They want you to do all the work, they want to be chased but only want to be caught by the select few, I'd rather be outright blanked than given the blowing hot and cold treatment.

lyricaldancer · 06/01/2017 22:50

When you did call her you probably caught her by surprise and being non - assertive she had to say how thrilled she was.

Yep, this sounds right. She's going to sound enthused and agree to meet on the phone, what else would she do.

You've already had your answer I think, OP, as harsh as that might sound. Ask her again by all means.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 06/01/2017 23:00

Not creepy but a bit needy, definitely leave it!!

JanuaryIsTheNewMonday · 06/01/2017 23:05

Maggie I agree - I have a friend who is like this. It is downright rude

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/01/2017 06:26

I'd leave it OP. Communication works both ways. It shouldn't be one chasing another.

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 07/01/2017 12:46

Thanks everyone.
It's just quite sad to think she doesn't want to rekindle our old friendship.. oh well Sad

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